Angie: Okay, Tom Jones is booked and everything is set. [sighs] You know, I don't think there's anything more exciting than a promotional event gone right.
Hyde: Then you need to get drunk and ride a mechanical bull.
Angie: You know, you're being more of a tool than usual. Have you talked to Jackie?
Hyde: No, Angie. What do I have to say to Jackie?
Angie: That you love her and miss her.
Hyde: I don't love people. I love Camaros, Zeppelin and french fries, in that order.

Eric: [chuckles] You guys, I just had this brilliant idea. You know how every dirty word has a number? Instead of cursing, you could just say that number. Like I could say, "Hyde, go three yourself."

Jackie: Hey, Fez, I need your advice.
Fez: You should show more leg.
Jackie: I'm serious. I still love Steven and I want him back. Everything reminds me of him. Every time I walk past a pile of dirty laundry, I start crying.
Fez: Then you should go to him and tell him how you feel.
Jackie: No, I cannot go up to Steven and pour my heart out to him if I'm not sure he feels the same way. I couldn't take the rejection.
Fez: Oh, please, I've been rejected a million times. And trust me, after the first 100 or so, they don't sting no more, baby.
Jackie: I wouldn't even know what to say.
Fez: Okay, let's role-play. Pretend I'm Hyde and say everything you want to say to him to me.
Jackie: Really? Okay. Steven, I love you and I want you back.
Fez: I never thought I would hear those words, my darling. [goes to kiss Jackie]
Jackie: Ew!
Fez: I'm sorry, I got a little carried away. I'll be serious this time, I promise.
Jackie: Okay. I love you and all I want is for us to be together. [Fez goes to kiss Jackie] Oh, get off me, weirdo.
Fez: I'm the weirdo? You're the one saying, "I love you," smack! "I love you," smack! You little tease.

Donna: So, you see, Mr. Randall, I don't think it's necessary for me to wear a bikini. I mean, what is sexier than a little bit of mystery?
Mr. Randall: Well, according to my research, naked boobies. All right, look, ratings are down, and I think this could really help.
Donna: Well, I'm not gonna strip for a radio advertisement. It's demeaning.
Sarah: I'll do it.
Donna: You will?
Mr. Randall: Yeah, of course she'll do it. This whole billboard was her idea.
Donna: What?
Mr. Randall: Unlike some people, I care about this radio station. Plus, I just love wearing a bikini. When I put one on, I jiggle just like jelly.
Eric: Well, she jiggles just like two perfectly filled water balloons, but I'm afraid you'll never get to see them, or touch them, or make a motorboat sound with your mouth between them, because she is a lady!

Donna: Sarah, you knew that I would never do this. You were just trying to make me look bad.
Mr. Randall: And it's working. You're fired.
Donna: Wait, you're firing me because I won't strip?
Eric: No, no, you know what? I'm a gentleman, and I normally don't use this kind of language. But, Mr. Randall, you are one sixing, sevening monkey-fiver. You think your one don't stink? Well, three off, you threeing three. Come on.

Hyde: Ladies, ladies, I realize Tom Jones is late, and I have an announcement to make. Shut up!
Red: [enters] Holy crap. It's like a water buffalo convention. I'm not waiting two hours for a lousy autograph. Excuse me, excuse me. Excuse me. Sorry, watch your feet. Excuse me, excuse me. Excuse me there, buddy.
Bob: Hey, no cutsies.
Red: Oh, hell, I don't need Tom Jones. I'll sign the damn album myself. Excuse me. Who pinched my behind? Bonnie! Your husband hasn't even been dead two months.

Donna: I am freaking pissed. Sarah puts on a bikini, and whammo, she gets me fired? That little bimbo set this whole thing up and I am freaking pissed!
Kelso: Well, see what happens when you try to skate through life using your brain? For the millionth time, people, it's all about the looks!
Eric: Well, I refuse to trade on my good looks to achieve success. Eric Forman don't play that game.
Donna: Well, I'm not gonna let her get away with this. I need to think of a way to get even.
Kelso: All right, you need to do something brilliant, that's subtle but clever. Hit her in the face with a Wiffle ball bat.
Donna: Um, I don't think that's exactly what I'm looking for.
Kelso: Okay, well, then, you've obviously never been hit in the face with a Wiffle ball bat.
Eric: Wait a second. Sarah's gonna be broadcasting live from the record store, right?
Donna: Yeah.
Eric: Okay, then I got an awesome idea.
Kelso: Well, if it's hitting her in the face with a Wiffle ball bat, you stole that from me.

Red: Here it is, Kitty, a signed Tom Jones album.
Kitty: Oh. Aw. Oh, thank you. Oh, I hope he wasn't upset I couldn't be there myself. Did you tell him I had the flu?
Red: Didn't come up.
Kitty: Well, what did you talk about?
Red: Fishing.
Kitty: Tom Jones fishes?
Red: Yeah, it's surprising, I know. I'm so surprised that I'm gonna go upstairs and take a nap.

Sarah: Okay, I've just been handed a hot, new record. So here's George Carlin with The Seven Dirty Words You Can't Say on Television or Radio. Huh. It seems like I almost shouldn't play it. Oh, well.
Donna: Eric, thank you so much. That was a great idea.
Eric: You're welcome. Now let's go home and five all night.

Donna: Those women at the record store flipped when they heard the seven dirty words, especially word number four. They do not like word number four.
Eric: It was awesome, man. Uh, Sarah got fired. The station manager got in trouble, and Donna got her job back. I'm telling you, if I weren't unemployed and living with my mommy, I'd be wickedly cool.
Kelso: Well, if you'd have hit somebody in the face with a Wiffle ball bat, this would have been over hours ago.
Donna: Okay, not only did I get my job back, but I had conditions. I told Mr. Randall I'd be fully clothed at all times, and he said okay. I told him to stop demeaning women, and he said okay. And I told him to respect me for my mind and my ideas and not my looks, and he said okay.
Eric: So do you want people to stop calling you Hot Donna?
Donna: No, that makes me feel pretty.