Jackie: Oh, Steven, you're sensitive to this because your father ditched you, too. That is so foxy.
Hyde: Hey, why don't we go down to my room, I'll tell you about the time my mom got so loaded on mouthwash, she lost our rent money at the track.

Agent Armstrong: Okay, you two claim to be married and living here. To verify this, I'm going to separate you all and ask you a series of questions about the couple. Let me remind you, you're all under oath.
Eric: Under oath? I mean... Under oath, bravo.

Agent Armstrong: Well... Despite a few interesting answers and one recipe... my judgment is that your marriage is legitimate. Congratulations.
Fez: All right, Pepe and I are Americans.
Red: No wonder this country's going in the toilet.
Agent Armstrong: What was that, sir?
Kitty: Nothing. Nothing. He said he has to use the toilet. That's why he's been so quiet.
Agent Armstrong: If you're trying to protect your daughter, don't worry. We never go after the bride, especially such a pretty one. If there was a crime committed, we'd only be interested in this one. So if there's something you want to say, by all means, say it.
Red: Fine, I will. [Fez mouths "I love you"] I just wanted to say... these two kids are married and... very much in love. In fact, I've never seen a love like this.
Fez: Thank you, Mr. Red. It means a lot.
Eric: Hey, what about thanking me? This guy tried to break me. [chuckles] But lucky for you, double-o Forman is rock solid.

Kelso: At first, when you told me that I was off the hook, I was like totally psyched, right? But then I started to think about it, and I don't wanna be off the hook. I wanna be a part of this kid's life.
Brooke: Michael, I didn't let you off the hook to be nice. I just don't think you understand what it means to have a baby.
Kelso: No, but I do. It means taking him to T-ball games and teaching him how to ride a bike and taking him to the doctor when he's sick.
Brooke: And what if it's a girl?
Kelso: Oh, it's not gonna be a girl. We did it standing up.
Brooke: Uh-huh.
Kelso: Okay, maybe this will change your mind. I went and got some stuff today to welcome the little guy into the world. This little sweater to keep him warm. And this little hat to keep the sun off of his face. And I got some pop rocks 'cause I always wanted to see a baby eat pop rocks.
Brooke: Michael, if you get involved, I'm just gonna have two babies to take care of instead of one.
Kelso: Look, you can try to get rid of me, but I'm not walking away from this.
Brooke: I'm sorry. I just don't want you to be the father of my child.

Kelso: This is all your fault. Yeah, "go talk to her and do the right thing."
Donna: Kelso, I'm so sorry. I wish there was something I could do to make you feel better.
Kelso: Well, there isn't.
Donna: Okay, fine. I'll give you 10 seconds to squeeze my ass as much as you want.
Kelso: [places hand on Donna's butt] I never thought I'd say this, but there's some things that a girl's ass can't fix.

[circle:]
Jackie: Well, Fez, congratulations on your green card. But remember, this is America, and you still look foreign, so don't expect to be treated equally.
Fez: Well, I'm going to become America's sexiest singing cowboy. Howdy, ladies. Meet Pepe.
Kelso: You know, what's going on with Brooke really hurts, but I think in a couple days when I start to heal, I'm gonna be really psyched that Donna let me squeeze her ass. I mean, even now, I'm reflecting upon how soft it was.
Agent Armstrong: So what kind of chance do you think I have with the blonde?