Kelso: Okay, Brooke, here's the thing. We should date.
Brooke: Michael, I'm pregnant with your child. Pretty much the best and worst things about dating have already happened to us.
Kelso: Okay, but we missed out on all the in-between, like... Okay, we need to spice up our illegitimate pregnancy with a little romance. I mean, look how much we have in common. You are having my baby and I am the father of your baby.
Brooke: Okay, look, don't pretend you wanna go out with me just because you feel guilty.
Kelso: Brooke, I wanna go out with you because you're hot.
Brooke: Okay, fine. But I'm not hot. I've gained six pounds.
Kelso: That's okay 'cause it's mostly in your boobs. See, nature does this to keep us guys around while you gals chunk out.

Jackie: Well, then, I have to go find something to wear. I mean, I'm happy that Brooke's gonna have a father for her baby and all, but I still have to look prettier than her.

Eric: The secret of life. You know what? I'm taking this one step further, fellas. I'm gonna get fat. Yeah, I'll never be strong, but I think I can be fat.
Hyde: That's a pretty thought.
[fantasy: Donna is stroking Eric's extremely rotund stomach as he lays in bed:]
Hyde: Come on, Fez, don't be scared. Go say hi.
Fez: No, he's too fat. I don't know where his face is.
Hyde: He can't eat you. He can't even move. Watch. [hits Eric's gut with a bat]
Eric: That tickles. Something's poking me. [Hyde pulls out an action figure] G.I. Joe! There you are.
Hyde: Wonder what else is in there.
Fez: Kelso! I thought you moved away.
Kelso: I've been living on crumbs.
[reality:]
Eric: All right, okay, laugh all you want. But all I see is a guy who doesn't have to get out of bed to go to the bathroom. And that's beautiful.

[Donna slaps Eric's face as he sleeps]
Donna: How can you sleep until noon after what happened last night?
Eric: I'm exhausted from loving you so much.
Donna: You're completely regressing. You lie around all day and you act as if you'd be happy to stay in your mother's house forever.
Eric: Look, Donna, let me make it up to you. There's some tip money on the dresser. Why don't you go buy yourself something pretty?
Fez: Oh, God!
Kelso: That's gotta hurt!
[Donna closes the door]
Fez: [o.s.] Don't worry. We can still hear.

Brooke: So, how do you guys all know each other?
Jackie: Well, Michael and I dated for, like, three years.
Hyde: Then I stole her from him.
Brooke: Wait. What?
Kelso: Nah. You never could have stole her from me if I hadn't cheated on her first.
Brooke: Okay, wait a minute.
Kelso: That sounds a lot worse than what it is. I only cheated on her with Eric's sister. Well, and then the rest of the girls were when we were on a break 'cause I annoyed her. But none of those girls were anybody's sister, except for the two that were sisters.
Hyde: He brought up the sisters. Awesome.

Brooke: Okay, this was a mistake. I think I'm gonna go.
Kelso: No. Brooke, wait. Look... I've been with a lot of chicks. A lot. A lot. A lot.
Jackie: Okay, that's not helping.
Kelso: Okay, Brooke, let me start over, okay? We might not be the perfect match, okay? But I really, really like you. And I think maybe us having this baby together is like fate.
Brooke: Michael, fate is when two people meet on a train or in Paris, not in the bathroom at a Molly Hatchet concert. [exits]
Kelso: Fate! Man, never use a word in a fight if you don't really, really know what it means.

Brooke: Look, I don't know why what happened happened. I mean, it could have been fate. It could have been the Colt 45s. But I do know you're being very sweet and I could probably use a hand, 'cause, to tell you the truth, I'm kind of scared.
Kelso: That's perfect, 'cause I'm terrified.
Brooke: I know. I mean, it's crazy.
Kelso: We're having a baby!
Brooke: I know!
Kelso: And we have no clue!
Brooke: None at all!
Kelso: All right, so, can I call you tomorrow?
Brooke: Yes.

Kelso: Brooke.
Roy: Holy crap. That's the girl you got pregnant? She's hot.
Brooke: Do you think we could talk alone for a minute?
Roy: Sure, I'll go, but just know, if it doesn't work out with him, I've got dental for all dependents.
Brooke: You're funny.
Roy: I love you. Bye. Got, you know, things to do.

Roy: Before you go, I just wanted to say I don't love you. I just kind of get nervous in front of women. I blurt.
Brooke: I understand. I think it's very sweet.
Roy: I love you.
Brooke: What is wrong with me?

Roy: "Hi, Roy." "Hello, Brooke." "Hi, Roy." "Hello, Brooke." "Hi, Roy." "Hello, Brooke." [chuckles] I got this.
Brooke: Hi, Roy.
Roy: I love you. Excuse me.
Kelso: Uh, Roy, that's the freezer.
Roy: I know.