Donna: Well, the Bible doesn't say anything about taking Kelso's van.
Eric: All right, Donna, we can't just take it.
Donna: Of course we can. What's his is yours, remember? Do it for the liquefied face of G.I. Joe.
Eric: I can't think of a more fitting way to honor the real American hero.

Jackie: Oh, finally. I've been waiting all afternoon. I'm about to burst.
[Jackie drags Hyde towards his bedroom]
Hyde: Hey, man. I'm thinking maybe you should wait out here.
Jackie: No. No, no, no. Fez, you should see this.
Fez: It's a dream come true.

Kelso: [bell rings] Your chariot has arrived, my lady.
Brooke: What happened to your van?
Kelso: Yeah, a little problem with the van. I can't find it.
Brooke: Michael, people lose keys to a van, not the whole van. Now I'm going to miss my doctor's appointment.
Kelso: Look, Brooke, this is not my fault.
Brooke: You're right, it's my fault for depending on you.
Kelso: Okay, okay. I can fix this, okay? Just hop on the handle bars and I'll pedal you there.
Brooke: Hello! I'm pregnant.
Kelso: Okay, fine. You pedal and I'll ride.

Kelso: I don't know what to say.
Brooke: Well, I do. [to Eric] You know, I called Michael irresponsible, but he's not. You are. You're an irresponsible, twitchy little man.
Eric: Okay, please. Just don't bump me with that thing.
Kelso: Okay, wait. If he's irresponsible, that means I'm the good one. I'm the good one now!
Brooke: Yeah, he's obviously the dumb one of your group.
Kelso: Yeah, he really is.

Brooke: Where is Michael? You know, whenever he tells me he has a surprise for me, it makes me a little nervous.
Eric: Oh, it's probably just because the last time he said that to you, you got pregnant.

Kelso: [pulls up in car] So what do you think?
Eric: I think Barbie's probably worried sick that her convertible's missing.
Brooke: I thought you were getting another van.
Kelso: Oh, so did I, but then I saw this baby down at the police auction and I knew it was destined to be mine.
Eric: Well, hey, man. Can I give you some money?
Kelso: No, it was pretty cheap. Some guy got stabbed in it. So nobody else bid on it. It's pretty sweet, huh?
Donna: It's freaking awesome! Is it the car or are you more handsome?
Kelso: It's the car. And I'm more handsome.
Brooke: Michael, don't you think it's a little impractical?
Kelso: Impractical? More like, imperfecticable. I mean, this thing is totally baby-friendly.
Eric: Remind me again how it's baby-friendly?
Kelso: 'Cause it's tiny just like a baby.

Fez: "Barbie, you are gross, but I still love you." [feminine voice] "Really? Even though my face has melted off?" "Yes. But your perfect plastic boobs remain untouched jewels." "Oh! Can my twin sister watch?" "Why just watch?
There's plenty of Joe to go around."
Kitty: [enters] I didn't see you.