‘Hyde Moves In’
Season 1, Episode 24 - Aired July 19, 1999
Eric is worried about Hyde after his mother abandons him. Meanwhile, Kelso upsets Jackie when he sees her sick and without make-up.
Quote from Red
Kitty: Eric, I'm sure she's not abandoning Steven, she's his mother.
Eric: Mom, her exact words were "I know I'm your mother, but I'm abandoning you, Steven."
Kitty: Now, that doesn't sound very good. No, sirree. Red?
Red: [clears throat] Look, Eric. You know I'd love to help Steven. I'm a giver. But you can't squeeze blood from a stone, son.
Kitty: You know, we could just pop over there just to check up on him.
Red: No, I'm not going over there. That's final. I am not Santa Claus.
Kitty: Well, thank God you're not Santa Claus, Red. You scare the hell out of children.
Quote from Red
Kitty: Red, we can't let him live like this.
Red: Oh, Kitty, he'll be fine. I mean, compared to Korea, this place is Shangri-la wrapped in happy-fun candy.
Quote from Fez
[Fez has his pants down and is shaking his butt as his friends watch:]
Eric: Well, that's it. I gotta get a tattoo.
Donna: Please don't.
Hyde: That's incredible.
Jackie: But disgusting.
Kelso: That, that's incredible and disgusting.
Fez: Do you want to see her pick up a dime?
All: No!
Fez: How about a quarter?
All: No!
Quote from Kelso
Eric: Look, guys, we need a plan. I'm not driving up to the house with a car full of naked people. Red hates you guys when you're dressed.
Hyde: We can go to my house.
Kelso: Yeah, your mom's used to having naked guys around.
Hyde: She's not even home, you moron. [punches Kelso's arm]
Kelso: Ow. Ow. Ow.
Quote from Hyde
Fez: [leans forward] Put on the top 40.
Hyde: Whoa, whoa, sit down, Fez! I see London, I see Besticle.
Fez: What do you want me to do about it?
Hyde: I don't know. Tuck it in.
Quote from Jackie
Hyde: Jackie, you couldn't find anything?
Jackie: Okay, no offense, Hyde, but all your mother's clothes are whorey.
Donna: What?
Jackie: Oh, but they look great on you, Donna.
Donna: Thanks, Jackie.
Quote from Jackie
Jackie: Michael, can you please take me home? Look, I think I caught something at the reservoir.
Kelso: Like an eel?
Jackie: Not that, you idiot. I think I'm sick.
Fez: Oh, I caught an eel.
Quote from Kelso
Jackie: Michael, go away. I'm sick. I don't have any makeup on, my hair is a mess, and I look hideous.
Kelso: Jackie, come on. I don't care what you look like. I just want to see you.
Jackie: Why?
Kelso: Because you're my girlfriend. And I got you a present.
[When Jackie lowers the plus pillow she is holding in front of her face, her face is puffy and blotchy. fantasy: a horrified Kelso sees a man in Jackie's place:]
Man: Oh. Michael, that is so sweet. It's the sweetest thing ever. Let me hold it. Thank you, lover.
Kelso: [screams]
Quote from Hyde
Eric: What's that?
Hyde: It's crackers with ketchup on top for... you know, for zest.
Eric: Okay, well, I'm just gonna guess that Edna's not coming back.
Hyde: No, man, she's just been delayed a little bit.
Eric: Okay. Okay. Didn't there used to be a TV there?
Hyde: Yeah. I pawned it.
Eric: You pawned your mom's TV? Hyde, she's not coming back.
Hyde: Okay, she's not coming back, all right?
Eric: So what're you gonna do?
Hyde: Sell the house.
Eric: You rent.
Hyde: I guess I'm in more trouble than I thought.
Eric: No, Hyde. No, Hyde, I'm serious here. You need help, my friend.
Hyde: No, Forman, you would need help. I'll be fine.
Eric: Cool. I brought you this sandwich.
Hyde: Fine, I'll take your sandwich. After this, no more help.
Quote from Midge
Midge: Bob, what are you doing?
Bob: Nothing. We were just talking.
Midge: These Jordan almonds are for the feminists.
Bob: Yeah, sorry.
Midge: Come on, Sharon, I saved you a seat on the ottoman. Oh, I mean, "ottowoman."