Bob: Hey, when did you get the cute little wiener dog?
Red: No, no, no, no, no! Not in my chair!
Kitty: [enters] Red Forman! Schotzie is a helpless, little animal with four breakable legs. You can't throw him around the room like you would Eric!

Hyde: So, Forman, you finally broke down, huh? What'd you get her? Earrings? A little bracelet?
Eric: No. I got her way more than a piece of jewelry. I got her a gift that really says something. A diamond engagement ring.
Kelso: As a joke?
Eric: No. You guys, I'm gonna ask Donna to marry me.
Kelso: As a joke?

Eric: The stupid helmet? Why do I have to wear the stupid helmet?
Hyde: Because you're stupid! You can't ask Donna to marry you, man!
Eric: Why not? I mean, come on. We already know that we're gonna be together forever.
Kelso: No, you think that you're gonna be together forever.
Hyde: Remember how you were worried about screwing things up? This is your Bay of Pigs, man.
Fez: Yeah, even in my country we weren't stupid enough to get married in high school. And we eat bugs!
Hyde: Forman, what the hell are you thinking?
Eric: You don't understand, okay? I love her. I was down at the store and I realized- What am I waiting for? We're happy.
Hyde: You don't get engaged when you're happy! What's the point? You do it when your back's against the wall and there's no way out. Like if the girl's pregnant.
Fez: It is settled, then. Eric will get Donna pregnant. I will oversee the proceedings for verification purposes. Ah, but he's so stupid, how do we know he can do it?

Eric: Listen, you guys. I've thought about this a lot, okay? Donna's willing to commit four years of college to me. I wanna commit too.
Kelso: Forman, I say this to you as a friend that likes to see you get hurt. If you don't take that ring back right now, you are going to end up in a world of misery and pain.
Eric: Hey, I love Donna, okay? So, did it ever occur to any of you that I'm ready for a world of misery and pain? Think about that!
[Eric storms out of the basement, comes back to take off the stupid helmet, and then storms out again]

Red: Well, he can't stay. He's making everyone miserable.
Bob: I don't know. Kitty's seemed pretty darn happy the past couple of days.
Red: Yeah, well-
Bob: Look, Red. You did a nice thing. Don't spoil it by, you know, being yourself.
Red: I guess if the incontinent little bastard makes Kitty happy, I'll put up with it. What the hell? I've never been that happy anyway.
Bob: At least, not since I've known you.
Red: Yeah. Weird coincidence, huh?

Jackie: Okay. Look, you. I've been thinking about all your conspiracy mumbo jumbo about presents and diamonds and buying me stuff. And I realized that all your paranoid, delusional crap about romance is just a cover-up for you being cheap!
Hyde: Okay, first of all, it's not paranoid, delusional crap. Advertisers spend billions to make you think I'm a jerk if I don't buy you jewelry. And second of all, you're right. I am cheap.
Jackie: Well, you'd better quit it. Because I like to get stuff especially shiny stuff.
Hyde: Would you settle for a cheeseburger wrapped in tinfoil?
Jackie: Well, for you I will. But just know that I'm really lowering my standards.
Hyde: That makes two of us.

Eric: What are those? Oh, Donna. Did you buy Playboy for me?
Donna: No, they're college brochures.
Eric: Donna, these people are fully dressed. That's just not gonna work for me.
Donna: My guidance counselor gave them to me but I already told him I'm going wherever you go.
Eric: How did I ever get a girl as great as you? You know you can do better than me, right?
Donna: [laughs] But you're right next door. It's so easy.
Eric: Right.

Eric: Well, all I know is things with me and Donna are going really, really well. This is just about the point where I screw things up.
Fez: So don't screw it up.
Eric: Fez. [chuckles] Oh, Fez. [sighs] If history has taught us anything, it's that screwing up is my nature. But you know what I can do is bank a little goodwill. Do something nice. [snaps fingers] Buy her a present.

Clerk: Yes?
Eric: Um, I want to buy a present for my girlfriend you know, that lets her know how I feel about her.
Clerk: Oh, no problem. Oh, oh. Oh. Would the, uh, lady like a necklace? Huh?
Eric: Well, it's... It's nice. Yeah. It's a little- little creepy. Mmm. Um, it doesn't really say what I want to say though.
Clerk: Oh, okay. Okay. Oh! Oh. How about a promise ring?
Eric: Oh, don't even get me started on promise rings.
Clerk: Really?
Eric: Like, once I gave her one, and she didn't even want it. But then she gave me-
Clerk: How about that. Look how that shines. Oh, that's nice, huh?
Eric: Uh. Well, your finger hair curling over the ring is kind of ruining it for me.
Clerk: Oh.
Eric: Does, uh, wearing the merchandise usually work for you?
Clerk: I don't know. I'm new here. I used to work at the lingerie store. They fired me.
Eric: Ah, yes.

Clerk: I think I know what you're looking for. Mm-hmm. How about a diamond ring? Oh, isn't that gorgeous? Look at that.
Eric: Whoa. [chuckles] That's an engagement ring. I'm in high school, man. That says, uh, too much.
Clerk: Well, why don't you tell me what it is you wanna say?
Eric: That I love her and we should be together forever.
Clerk: An engagement ring says that verbatim.
Eric: Well, too bad, 'cause I ain't buyin' one.
Clerk: Well, I refuse to put on any more jewelry!
Eric: Well, thank God for that!
Clerk: [clears throat] Would you like to look around a little more?
Eric: Sure. And sorry about what I said. You look- You look really nice.
Clerk: Oh.