Kelso: Afternoon, civilians.
Fez: Where's my frog, you son of a bitch?
Kelso: Well, the good news is I let him loose. And the bad news is he hopped in front of an 18-wheeler. Now, he dodged the first wheel, but the last 17 got him.

Fez: The point is that I don't want anything you gave me.
Kelso: I never gave you my yo-yo.
Fez: So I took it. And I tangled the string, too. Let's see you walk the dog now, you son of a bitch.

Red: Now, Steven, you tell me the truth right now. Is this yours or not?
Hyde: Mr. Forman, I'm telling you the truth. It's not mine.
Red: Okay. Fine. Well, I don't care whose it is. I'm throwing it in the lake.
Kelso: What? I paid 20 bucks for that. [off Red's look] You got my parents' number.
Fez: That'll teach you to sell me out, you son of a bitch.

Fez: Holy crap, it's Caroline!
Randy: Who is Caroline?
Hyde: She went out with Fez. But he broke up with her 'cause she's crazy. Which is ironic, because that's probably why she went out with him in the first place.
Fez: Guys, I can't let her see me. [holds menu in front of face] Hide me.
Randy: Where should we hide you, Fez?
Caroline: Fez!
Fez: Well played, you son of a bitch.

[circle:]
Fez: This afternoon, a cadet named Terry hit on me, and it makes me nervous when men with guns like me.
Hyde: Fez, Cadet Terry is a woman. I know because I saw her putting cover-up on her chin hair.
Fez: Well, then, hello there, Cadet Terry.
Kelso: I will sit here, but I will not partake. What you're doing is illegal, and it could cause my mind to drift off its main goal, which is enforcing the law. Now, I'd like you both to read some literature. In particular, let's take a look at "Be Great and Go Straight." I think that one really says it all. [pamphlets are thrown at Kelso] Hey, do not throw the literature!
Hyde: Kelso, the fact that you're now totally lame would make me furious if I had the ability to feel anger right now, which I thankfully don't.
Kelso: I am not lame. I am grown-up. And when you grow up, you play by the rules, which is why I am getting rid of this. [picks up brown bag]
Fez: What is he doing?
Hyde: What is he doing? Don't worry, Fez. He's just screwing around. [toilet flushes] What? Baggie!
Fez: Good lord, he has broken you. You broke Hyde, you son of a bitch!

Fez: I'm sorry about what I did to that poor bunny. I guess my gun really had a "hare" trigger, huh? Too soon? Yes, too soon. Well, I apologize for ruining our first date.
Suzy Simpson: Our first date? No, I was there on a date with Michael.
Fez: What? No, no, he told me we were on a date.
Suzy Simpson: He told me we were on a date.
Fez: You and me "we," or he and you "we"?
Suzy Simpson: I think one of us has been lied to. And the other one, too!
Fez: Well, then, you should be very angry, which means... I am, too!
Kelso: Hey, why don't you two kiss and make up?
Suzy Simpson: Michael, what kind of game are you playing, inviting me on a date that wasn't with you?
Fez: Yeah, I second that, but about her, and add, "You son of a bitch!"
Kelso: Okay, look, I have a really good explanation for this. But I left it at home. [runs out]

[circle:]
Eric: Fez, I know you've only spoken English for a couple weeks now, but could you have learned the words, "Don't tell my dad"? "Don't," a contraction meaning "Do not", and "Tell my dad," meaning "Shut up!"?
Fez: Okay, right there, you just told me not to shut up. It's a wonder you're not failing English too. Crack a book, you lazy son of a bitch.
Kelso: So, guys Ms. McGee. [laughs] Pretty nice, huh? If they put one of her in every classroom, I'd never skip school again, if you know what I mean. I mean, I'm doing it with my teacher! Oh, shh! It's a secret.
Hyde: I've never been with a teacher. But I was with the post-office lady. That was cool. I got a hundred free stamps and a monster roll of tape. I like older women. They always got something smart to say.
[after the camera pans around the circle, it lands on Mrs. McGee in a circle in Laurie's room:]
Mrs. McGee: I think I could probably fit inside of a record player. That's gotta sound good in there. Inside of a record player?
Laurie: I miss dating Kelso. The guys I'm with now, they're so... I don't know. What's the word? Married.
Jackie: Hey, you and Kelso didn't date. You're just a tramp he cheated with. And you contaminated him so much, I ended up with Steven who I love being with. So thank you.
Donna: Wow. I'm the only one here who's never been with Kelso. Which makes me wanna say, "Ew!" And also, "Thank God." But you, I mean, you're a teacher. Can't you get in trouble for dating a student?
Mrs. McGee: Hey, let 'em come and get me. He's 18. I make $11,000 a year. I deserve a little something.

Fez: Elke Sommer to block. Elke Sommer to block. [chime on TV] Oh, you stupid son of a bitch.
Eric: [sighs] Donna loved Hollywood Squares.

Fez: Well, guys, uh, just so you're up to speed... [smacks lips] I knew about the kiss all along. Eric told me. He made me his secret squirrel.
Donna: What? That dill-hole said I was the only one he told.
Fez & Hyde: Me too!
Eric: [returns] It was hilarious. You guys should've seen it. Kelso's foot got stuck in a gopher hole, and- and- Hey, w-w-why are you guys all looking at me like that?
Fez: I was your secret squirrel, you son of a bitch.
Hyde: Get him.