Eric: Oh. Hey, guess what, fellas? Turns out I still have feelings for Donna. Yeah. Deep feelings. Warm feelings.
Tingly-in-the-pants feelings. And I can't do anything about it, because she has those feelings for someone else.
Kelso: I think that admitting that you still love Donna is an important step because it reopens the door for this. [singsong] Eric loves Donna! Eric loves Donna!
Eric: Look, you guys, I don't love her. I just think that if she's not with me the fairest thing for everyone is if she's alone and unhappy.
Kelso: No! That is a bad plan, man. 'Cause if you leave a chick alone, the next thing you know she's licking the roof of some other guy's mouth. Like the cheese guy. I hate that guy.
Fez: But you love his cheese. See, this is just like a Southern tragedy. Tennessee Williams, but with cheese. [off Hyde's look] I'm taking advanced English.

Jackie: Okay, boys. I brought cheese samples from work.
Hyde: What's wrong with them?
Jackie: Nothing. Well, they were in the trash.
Hyde: Cool.
Fez: Hand it over.

Kelso: Hey. You know how my brother locks me in the closet with a pillowcase full of dead fish until the stink makes me cry? Well, while I was in there, I heard him make a phone call. And it seems that he's got a little surprise for Donna tonight. The honeymoon suite at that French motel in Kenosha.
Jackie: The Le Motel?
Fez: Oh, no, it sounds like Donna and Casey are going to le do it.
Kelso: Oh, yeah. Eric's gonna freak out when we tell him.
Hyde: And why would we tell him?
Kelso: To watch him freak out.
Hyde: Kelso, he's gonna take it really hard, man. So we just need to keep our mouths shut.
Kelso: Wow. That's very considerate of Eric's feelings. What the hell, man?

Jackie: A surprise, huh? What if the surprise is something big? Are you ready for it? I mean, how do you really feel about Casey?
Donna: I don't know.
Jackie: Well, how do you feel about his hair?
Donna: Love it. Lots of body.
Jackie: And his body?
Donna: Love it. Lots of hair.
Jackie: How about his car?
Donna: I love it. Trans Ams kick ass.
Jackie: So hair, body and car. The big three, the Holy Trinity of Love. Okay, I think you're ready for your big surprise.
Donna: Jackie, what is this big surprise?
Jackie: All I can tell you is definitely - definitely - shave those legs.

Kelso: [on the phone] Wait. Who's that singing? Who's singing love songs to you?
Jackie: Peter Frampton.
Kelso: Are you kissing him?
Jackie: No!
[After Jackie hangs up, the phone rings again and she picks it up]
Kelso: Are you sure?
Jackie: [answers phone] Hello?
Fez: Hello, this is Norman. Shall we kiss?

Kitty: Okay, Red, what Bob needs right now is a good friend. And since I don't know where we're gonna find one, you need to talk to him.
Red: Kitty.
Kitty: Or you can talk to Joanne.
Red: I'll take Bob.
[Red looks outside and sees a glum Bob cradling a basketball]
Red: I'll take Joanne.

Eric: I couldn't do it, Leo. Donna's having a good time. She doesn't wanna be rescued. But you know what? The thing is, I still wanna go in there and stop everything, you know? I didn't come here for her. I came here for me.
Leo: That's a huge dilemma, man. But you know what you really gotta ask yourself? Is there anybody who's not in a motel room with three women that you could tell this to?

Eric: I just- I can't believe Donna's in a motel room with him right now.
Hyde: Man, I don't like it either. [clears throat] But there is one thing you can do. I believe you have a stack of Playboys underneath your bed. Go use 'em.

Kitty: Okay, well, there will be no more marriage talk from Bob.
Red: What? There'd better be. She's expecting it.
Kitty: Oh, crap.
Red: Lock the doors.
Kitty: I'm on it.

Jackie: Michael. What are you doing? What, are you spying on me now?
Kelso: [nervous chuckle] No! Okay, fine. Yeah, I'm spying on you 'cause you're around strange guys all day and apparently, every once in a while, you up and French one of 'em.
Jackie: Michael, go home. This is a place of business. And if you don't have any business, you're not welcome at the mall.
Kelso: Fine!