Eric: Okay. I think I'm gonna go.
Donna: Well, wait. Take off your pants.
Eric: Really? All right.
Donna: No. To show me your tattoo.
Eric: I knew that. I knew that.
Donna: Right. Yeah.
Eric: I think you're really gonna like it. Just don't be mad if it says "Debbie."
Donna: [clears throat] Woodstock.
Eric: It says "Woodstock"?
Donna: No, it's a picture of Snoopy's friend Woodstock. You have a little yellow bird on your ass.

Donna: [v.o.] "Eric and I went to second base tonight. He was hilarious." "The Prom is gonna be magical. I think tonight I'm Finally gonna sleep with Eric." "Which is like Woodstock, but for vans." "Anyway, I think I'm finally gonna sleep with Eric." "I love him so much. Tonight I'm Finally gonna sleep with Eric."
Eric: Okay, let's just skip to the last page.
Donna: [v.o.] "I had the weirdest dream about Eric last night. He was Eric, but he was also Steven Tyler from Aerosmith and he looked really wicked and dangerous."
Eric: Yeah! Wicked and dangerous.
Donna: "Which is so not Eric. Sometimes I wish he were like that."

Red: Kitty, where's the Band-Aids? I cut my thumb with a hacksaw.
Kitty: Oh, Red, you know those things are dangerous.
Red: Well, I tried cutting the metal pipe with a flower... but it was real slow going.

Kitty: Well, seeing as how you're being all snarky anyway may as well tell you, Pastor Dave is coming to dinner tonight.
Red: Not tonight! There's a Packer report on tonight. They're doing a tribute to Vince Lombardi.
Kitty: Red, you know I'm trying to get more involved with the church, so he is coming.
Red: But Kitty, if Pastor Dave comes over, we'll never get rid of him. He'll just go on and on about how great God is.
Kitty: Well, he is.

Jackie: He said, "This isn't going to work, Jackie." What if Michael secretly wants to break up? I need to get him to sleep again. What if his unconscious mind knows something his conscious mind doesn't?
Donna: Well, let's hope so.
Jackie: Well, at least he's not as boring as Eric.
Donna: We're not talking about Eric. We're talking about Kelso. Untrustworthy, two-timing, sneaks-around- behind-your-back-and-reads-your-journal Kelso.
Jackie: Okay, Donna, I'm sensing we're not talking about me and Michael anymore so... bye! [Donna pinches Jackie] Ow! Don't pinch me, you lumberjack!
Donna: Jackie, I think Eric read my private journal.
Jackie: Oh. Is this about the dream where you wished Eric was Steven Tyler?

Pastor Dave: Hey, do you know who I really love?
Red: Jesus.
Pastor Dave: Well, yes. But I was going to say Vince Lombardi.
Red: You're a Packer man?
Pastor Dave: Are you kidding? I bleed cheese.
Red: Well, I'm not sure, but I think there may be a Packer report on tonight.
Pastor Dave: Red, I think you might be right. And I think it could start in... eight and a half minutes.
Red: Well, then what do you say we choke our dinners down, get our asses on the couch?
Pastor Dave: Amen!

Kitty: Red, this night is not about football. This night is about company.
Red: And our company wants to watch the Packer report. He spends his life doing the Lord's work and if you would deny this holy little man that simple pleasure... Well, God have mercy on your soul.

Red: And then Bart Starr fakes a handoff to Anderson and finds Dowler in the end zone for the winning touchdown! [chuckles]
Pastor Dave: Wow, on TV it seemed confusing but with peanuts, it's all so clear.
Kitty: Red, can I see you in the kitchen for a minute, please?
Red: Yeah, just one second. You go ahead and set 'em up again, and I'll show you how the Packers won the Ice Bowl.
Pastor Dave: All right.

Kitty: Okay, Red, don't you think it's time your little friend went home?
Red: Kitty, I'm just being sociable, like you asked. Just being a good host.
Kitty: Oh, sure. All good hosts feed their guests Band-Aids.
Red: Band-Aid, Kitty. Don't exaggerate.

Pastor Dave: So, are you telling me that you fed me a Band-Aid?
Kitty: Well, um, to be honest... Red fed you the Band-Aid.
Pastor Dave: How did this happen?
Kitty: Red, why don't you diagram it for him with peanuts?
Red: Look, Dave, I'm real sorry. I didn't realize how sick a Band-Aid would make you.
Pastor Dave: Well, thank you for your belated honesty, but the doctor said I had food poisoning from an under-cooked sausage.
Red: Food poisoning? That's Kitty's department.
Kitty: I have never under-cooked a sausage in my life. I have a system. It's foolproof.
Red: Hey, Kitty, it's okay. We all make mistakes.
Kitty: I... Vince Lombardi is overrated. That's right. He is overrated.
Red: Ignore her. She's hysterical.