‘Down the Road Apiece’
Season 7, Episode 17 - Aired March 2, 2005
Eric decides to travel the country as a documentary filmmaker. Meanwhile, Fez tries to help Jackie and Hyde patch things up.
Quote from Donna
Donna: I never should have let Eric go on this trip. I should have tempted him into staying home by offering him sex. [off Kitty's look] I mean, Scrabble.
Kitty: Oh, look, if my baby being safe depended on you being loose, I wouldn't have to worry.
Quote from Eric
Eric: [to video camera] Well, it turns out, I have a couple problems with being a traveling documentary filmmaker. One, the traveling, it's exhausting. Two, documentaries. I only like ones that are, you know, about monkeys. And three, filmmaking. If there's no space battles, I mean, you know, really, what's the point? I'll tell you something, this day has not been a waste. I realized what I really wanna do with my life is just get the hell out of Point Place. I'm ready to do that. I really feel like this trip made me a man.
Kitty: [o.s.] Eric!
Eric: Mommy?
Quote from Leo
Eric: Hey. Look who I found by the side of the road.
Hyde: Leo. Man, what are you doing back in town?
Leo: I'm not really sure, man.
Eric: Yeah, I can't tell if he has amnesia or if he's just perfectly fine.
Hyde: Well, I'm glad you're back, man.
Leo: Feeling's mutual, man. Hey, wait a second. You're Hyde, man. Hey! [they hug]
Quote from Eric
Eric: Okay, that's it. I'm going. Uh, I'll miss you.
Kitty: Well, thank you, sweetie.
Donna: Um, I think he was talking to me.
Kitty: He was not. Eric, who were you talking to?
Donna: Yeah, who?
Red: It's times like this I usually fake chest pains.
Eric: Uh, I was talking to... the prettiest girl in the driveway, that's who. [Kitty and Donna chuckle]
Quote from Donna
Kitty: So, okay, I want you to promise to call me every night at 9:00.
Donna: Oh, he can't be calling you because he's calling me at 9:00. That's why I got him that watch as a gift.
Kitty: Well, maybe he should be calling the person who gave him the gift of life.
Donna: So you squeezed out a baby? That was a hundred years ago. People have landed on the moon since then.
Quote from Fez
Kelso: Hey, Eric. I'm gonna miss you, man. Hey, uh, just between friends, I want you to know I'm gonna take a shot or two at Donna.
Fez: He won't care. On the road, he's going to meet lots of horny girl hitchhikers looking for a ride to cheerleading camp.
Eric: What makes you think that, Fez?
Fez: Adult films.
Quote from Jackie
Jackie: You know, Steven, it's great we can still hang out. We're kind of like Sonny and Cher. We're together even though we're broken up. I'm beautiful, you're weird-looking.
Quote from Kelso
Fez: Okay, we're going upstairs.
Hyde: Why?
Kelso: Uh, I just remembered that I... I can't be in the basement because I'm uncomfortable below sea level.
Fez: That's the best you can come up with? Just say that we're going to take a shower.
Quote from Eric
Eric: [to video camera] Greetings, gentle viewer. Road trip update. About to change a flat tire, which, uh... Which reminds me of a little joke. How many psychiatrists does it take to change a flat tire? Well, see, first the tire has to really want to change. [chuckles] Good one.
Quote from Leo
Eric: [to video camera] It turns out there is no spare tire. And uh... It's, like, pitch dark out here. [rustling sound] Hello? Hello? Okay, there's definitely someone out there, and I don't know who, but I think it's a pretty safe bet to say that it's probably a convict with a hook for a hand. Hello? Okay, okay, buddy. You come one step closer, I got a tire iron. And I'll just give it to you if you'll go away.
Leo: Hey, dude. What are you doing here, man?
Eric: Leo, what are you doing here?
Leo: It's like the universe wanted us to find each other, man.
Eric: Yeah.
Leo: So, do I know you, man?