Donna: Eric, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings but I guess I was mad when I wrote mine too. At least when I started. But once I got all that stuff off my chest, I mean, I felt better about us. More like the second half of my story.
Eric: So, uh... So what happens to Derek and Wanda?
Donna: Well, in the story, they went off on their own adventures.
Eric: Yeah. Yeah, I mean, that's probably good for them.
Donna: Yeah, it's probably time they moved on.
Eric: Sure. Derek's gonna be fine. He's a smart guy. The wenches love him.
Donna: Yeah, well, Wanda's gonna do great too.
Eric: Oh, yeah, sure. And she'll get all the wenches she wants. Oh, my God, Donna, there's your story. "Wanda and the Dirty Wenches."
Donna: [laughs] Shut up.
Eric: I know. I know. That's a movie.

[fantasy:]
Donna: Oh, Fez, I can't hold my feelings inside any longer.
Jackie: Yes, we must finally tell you how much we desire you. And it's not just us, Fez.
Fez: Oh, I knew it all along. Now let's consummate me.
[reality:]
Fez: Ah, oh, boy. This is the best story ever.

Donna: So, you still mad?
Eric: No. No reason to be mad. Your story is just a pathetic attempt to rewrite history and make yourself look good. I'm pretty sure everyone's gonna know who the dill-hole is here.
Donna: Eric, it's just a story. No one's gonna think anybody's a dill-hole.
Girl #1: Cat killer!
Girl #2: Bastard!
Girl #1: Porn freak!
Donna: Okay, they could be talking about anybody.
Hyde: Hey, we're all porn-freak bastards, but he's the only one who killed a cat.

[fantasy:]
Eric: Please, Wanda, you don't have to boil me alive. Killing your cat was just a horrible accident.
Donna: I know, but I'm a witch. [thunderclap]
Eric: Dear God, why is a nice, sensitive guy like me dating a lying, manipulative witch like you?
Donna: Well, maybe it's because even witches have itches. [removes hat and cloak]
Eric: All is forgiven! [Donna dances]
[reality:]
Eric: God, why do all my stories end like that?
Fez: Don't stop. I like where you were going.

Red: Well, steaks are a-cookin'. Ah, what should we have to go with dinner? Oh, I know. How about a salad? Say, Joanne, why don't you make the salad?
Joanne: No, thanks.
Red: Oh. Ahh. Make the salad. Unless you don't like to do lady jobs.
Kitty: Red, put this in your mouth.
Bob: Okay, you know what? I'll make the salad. [chuckles]
Red & Joanne: Sit down, Bob.

Girl #1: Hey, Eric, we're sorry we called you a cat-killer bastard porn freak.
Eric: Oh, so, you read my story, huh?
Girl #2: No, we read part two of Donna's story. The ending is so beautiful.
Eric: Part- Huh? Beauti- What? "And as Wanda walked away, she knew in her heart she would never stop loving Derek."
Hyde: Wow, that's good writing. It's emotional, and it screws you.

Eric: Hey, so, uh, funny thing. Um, your story had a second part, huh?
Donna: Yeah, the paper broke it in half, 'cause it was too long.
Eric: Oh. Well, uh, you know, maybe my story has a second part too.
Donna: Eric, your story ended with, "And he never saw that crazy bitch again."
Eric: Well, you know, that was just a prequel. To a story entitled, uh "He Did See That Crazy Bitch Again, and She Was a Delight."