[circle:]
Hyde: Forman, I've been thinking about your problem with Donna, and after hours of serious consideration... It still makes me laugh.
Kelso: Hey, you leave Eric alone! All right? He's our friend, and he needs our help in this, his most desperate hour. I'm with you, buddy. Semper fi!
Eric: Gee, Kelso, why the sudden change of heart? Oh. Maybe it's because the "Apollo rocket of love" blew up all over the launch pad?
Fez: Ho-ho! A mystery. One suitable for Scooby-Doo and his gang of cartoon teenagers. You know, guys, sometimes I wish we were cartoon teenagers.
[fantasy: the guys are rendered as cartoon characters in the circle:]
Hyde: Zoinks. That'd be super, Fez. Look, man, if God had meant for virgins to lose it to other virgins, he wouldn't have given us middle-aged hookers, man!
Fez: Amen, brother! Because if there's one thing men like us know, it's how to have sex. Oh, I cannot live with this lie. Everyone, prepare to be shocked. I, Fez, am still a virgin.
Eric: Gosh, my world no longer makes sense. Fine, Hyde, but now that the middle-aged-hooker ship has sailed, what am I supposed to do?
Kelso: Well, I know I got a lot better when I started making it with your sister. I got it! You should make it with my sister!
Hyde: Kelso, man, I've seen your sister. She's a virgin, and she's gonna be... For a long time.
Kelso: Hyde, what are you saying?
Eric: Well, I think he's saying, "Moo."
Fez: Okay, maybe you did not hear me. Fez, the man you all revere, has still not had sex. [eats a chicken wing]
Hyde: Yeah. Heard you the first time. Forman, you've gotta figure out what you're doing wrong, man, and fast. You know what women call guys who are lame in the sack? "Just friends."
Kelso: You can't let the pressure get to you. Don't think about how embarrassing it'd be if you tried and you couldn't, how she'd stare at you with those cruel, black eyes, as if to say... "You're not really a man, Michael. You're not a man at all!"
Eric: Okay. Well, this has been really helpful, guys.
Fez: All right, you called my bluff. I am not really a virgin. Yes, I am. [eats sandwich]