Eric: Well, the job search is going great. I think I have a sh*t at washing an old man's back on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
Hyde: They were looking for a waiter down at the restaurant.
Kelso: Whoa. Why'd you tell him? I'm up for that job.
Hyde: That's why I told him.
Kelso: No, no, no. Look, Eric, I need this job way more than you do. You don't have a baby on the way.
Eric: But I do have a family to support. And if I don't keep the booze flowing, they're gonna get violent.
Kelso: Well, look, the only way Brooke is gonna let me be a part of my kid's life is if I prove to her that I'm responsible, and a promotion at the restaurant would impress her. I mean, busboy's a job, but waiter is a career.
Eric: Okay, well, then you know what? We'll just both go down there, apply, and may the best man win.
Kelso: No, I want it.