Bob: Fine, I'll go. I only got worked up because Joanne's gone, Donna's working. The only people I have at home are my two friends, Egg and Nog.
Red: All right, fine. You wanna be Santa, go ahead.
Bob: Thanks, Red.
Red: Yeah, it's all for the best. I've already eaten about two pounds of fake beard as it is.
Boy: There he is. Santa's the one who told me that communists hate God.
Red: Gotta go, Santa.
Kitty: Merry Christmas, Bob. Mrs Claus needs a drink.

Eric: So, you gotta work at the radio station on Christmas Eve? God, it's like, doesn't anyone respect the sanctity of that holy night? We were gonna get drunk and fool around behind your dad's manger scene.
Donna: But this is my first shot at deejaying. If I do well, Hot Donna could be the regular DJ on Tuesdays from 1:00 to 5:00 a.m. Every insomniac and burn-out in town is gonna know who I am.
Eric: Well, say hello to your target audience.
Hyde: Play more Zeppelin.

Jackie: You guys, I've got some terrible news. I've just been kicked off the cheerleading squad.
Eric: Oh, my gentle Jesus!
Donna: Oh, no!
Hyde: Oh, why?
Kelso: Jackie, I know how you feel. I once got kicked off a cheerleader.

Jackie: Well, I need to get back on that squad. They might be a bunch of pom-pom waving bitches, but they're all I know. Steven, you've gotta take me to the Christmas Eve dance tomorrow night.
Hyde: Uh, no. I can either dance with you or spend Christmas Eve with you. Cannot do a combo.
Jackie: Steven, they will never take me back if I don't show up all proud. If you could just see-
Hyde: No.
Jackie: That this is something that's really important to me-
Hyde: No.
Jackie: Then you'd understand that, as my boyfriend, you should go.
Hyde: No!
Jackie: Fine. Please?
Hyde: Fine.
All: Aww.

Hyde: Hey, shut up. If I'm going, you guys are coming with me.
Kelso: Oh, no. I cannot go to a high-school dance. I'm gonna be a father soon, I gotta start acting more mature. [opens Popsicle] All right, orange!

Fez: Yeah, I'm not going either. The football team and I have a little disagreement. They think it's funny to stuff me into a locker, and I disagree.
Eric: Yeah, man, the day I graduated, I promised myself I would never set foot in that godforsaken place again.
Kitty: [enters] Great news, kids. Red's gonna be the Santa down at the mall on Christmas Eve, and I've signed you all up to be his little helpers.
Eric: Oh, I'm sorry, Mom. We're all going to the Christmas Eve dance at school.
All: Yeah!

Donna: So, what time are you coming down to the station tonight?
Eric: Let's see, the Christmas dance starts at 8:00, so I'll just come as soon as it gets lame. Say, uh, 8:02. Yeah. Hey, you know what? I'll even bring you something sweet to munch on. Oh, and some cookies.

Jackie: Steven, for the Christmas Eve dance...
Hyde: No.
Jackie: What do you think about this tie?
Hyde: No.
Jackie: Maybe this jacket...
Hyde: No.
Jackie: How about a blazer?
Hyde: No.
Jackie: Fine... Bolo?
Hyde: Fine.
Jackie: Okay.

Kelso: Okay, Brooke, I made a list of reasons why I'm gonna make a great dad for our little baby. Okay, number one, I am a waiter. So we'll never run out of straws. See? Look, kids love straws.
Brooke: Michael, I really appreciate the gesture, but no thanks.
Kelso: Seriously, I think if we just hang out, you'll see that I'm getting a lot more mature. I mean, just the other day I watched golf and took a nap.
Brooke: Look, Michael, if we weren't in this situation, I think you'd be a really good friend. I mean, you're nice, you bring me stuff, dogs love you. I just think we should limit our time together to almost none.
Kelso: Okay, how about we make a compromise between "almost none" and what I want to do, which is "it"?
Brooke: Okay, if you want, you can help me hang decorations tonight for the library's Christmas party.
Kelso: Spend Christmas Eve in a library? Why don't you just kick me in the 'nads?

Jackie: Okay, here comes Julie, the head cheerleader. Now, Steven, make me look good.
Julie: Hello, Jackie.
Jackie: Hello, Julie. This is my boyfriend, Steven J. Hyde III.
Hyde: First two are in jail.
Jackie: [laughs] He pretends to be poor. Isn't that funny?
Julie: I have to say, I thought you'd be too embarrassed to show your face here tonight.
Jackie: Well, to be honest, I only came to see your outfit, so I'd know what not to wear.
Julie: Well, let me show you the back. [both giggle]
Hyde: If you're trying to get back on the cheerleading squad, shouldn't you be nice to her?
Jackie: Bitchiness is the only language cheerleaders understand. These are bad girls, they need to be punished, and they know it.