‘Burning Down the House’
Season 2, Episode 15 - Aired February 7, 2000
Kelso ruins Jackie's plans for a fancy dinner party by inviting a bunch of other people. Meanwhile, Red gets a look at Bob without his toupee.
Quote from Eric
Eric: Okay, I'll give you a hundred bucks if you don't make me go to this party.
Donna: Show me the hundred.
Eric: Damn!
Quote from Hyde
Kat: So, that was fun.
Hyde: No. Disneyland's fun. That was nasty. [Kat leaves]
Donna: Oh, my God, Hyde. Kat Peterson. Nice.
Hyde: Yep. She's slummin' it, and I'm lovin' it.
Quote from Kelso
Jackie: Michael, are they drinking out of my parents' crystal?
Kelso: Yeah, Jackie. They were trying to drink straight from the bottle, and I said, no! No! Use the crystal 'cause it's classy.
Jackie: Michael, I'm gonna go upstairs and feel sorry for myself. And you, you are gonna fix this.
Kelso: Fi... Fix it? Jackie, you're having the party of the year here! [Jackie stomps on Kelso's foot and leaves] Damn! I do not get women!
Quote from Donna
Donna: You okay?
Jackie: Donna, please. I really don't want to talk about Michael. Okay, so what is your honest opinion about Michael?
Donna: Um, by honest, you mean...
Jackie: Donna, please learn to listen.
Donna: Okay. Okay, fine. Honestly?
Jackie: Mmm-hmm.
Donna: You have certain expectations of Kelso that may not be entirely realistic. You want him to be sophisticated and smart, but actually he's unsophisticated and unsmart.
Jackie: Oh!
Quote from Fez
Hyde: Would you look at her, Fez? Acting like she's all hot stuff. So she's incredibly good-looking and everyone likes her. I'm real impressed.
Fez: Yeah, I know how it is. You know, you think you know somebody, but then it turns out he lied about making out with Kat Peterson.
Quote from Eric
Eric: Hyde! Fez! What, is this a funeral? Come on! Why aren't you guys getting down?
Fez: Well, I'm afraid Hyde is way too lovesick to get down.
Hyde: Lovesick? I don't love her, man. I just think we should be having sex is all, 'cause she'd enjoy it.
Eric: Hyde, I'm not a doctor, but I play one on TV. [laughs] But seriously, Hyde. This is a party! So loosen up, like me. Whoops-a-daisy.
Quote from Fez
Kelso: Man, I wish Jackie would loosen up. She's throwing a great party down here, and she's missing it.
Fez: Kelso, you don't get it, huh? This party meant the world to Jackie. And you crapped on it.
Hyde: All right, ease up on Kelso, huh?
Kelso: Thanks, Hyde.
Hyde: Yeah, I mean, so you did something horrible. But it's Jackie, so who cares?
Kelso: No. Wait. What are you saying?
Hyde: I'm saying you burned her, man, royally. Nice job.
Kelso: But, no, man! I didn't want to burn her. I invited all these people to make it fun so her party would be good.
Fez: She didn't want a good party. She wanted her party.
Quote from Jackie
Jackie: Donna, how dare you say that about me and Michael?
Donna: Jackie, you wanted my honest opinion.
Jackie: You're honest opinion that we're great together. Look, you are wrong about Michael. He knows he made a mistake, and he's gonna make it up to me. You wait and see.
[When Jackie walks into the reception room, it's filled with smoke, a chair is burned and Kelso is trying to put the fire out with a cushion]
Kelso: Uh, Jackie... Where's the fire extinguisher?
Quote from Eric
Donna: Eric, remember when I told you to loosen up?
Eric: Oh, yeah, baby.
Donna: Well, tighten up, baby. When the house is on fire, the party's over.
Eric: Well, hey, this was your idea.
Donna: Eric, I told you to loosen up, not act like a dink.
Eric: Well, I'm new at this. [sings] So sue me. Sue-hoo-hoo me Sue me, Donna
Quote from Kelso
Kelso: Jackie, I do love you, and I'll do whatever it takes to make you happy with me.
Jackie: Yeah, well, I'm beginning to think that you're never gonna make me happy.
Kelso: What are you saying?
Jackie: I'm saying I have a lot of thinking to do. [exits]
Kelso: Whew! Dodged a bullet there, huh, Fez?
[Fez plays dramatic music on the piano and shakes his head at Kelso]