‘Burning Down the House’
Season 2, Episode 15 - Aired February 7, 2000
Kelso ruins Jackie's plans for a fancy dinner party by inviting a bunch of other people. Meanwhile, Red gets a look at Bob without his toupee.
Quote from Eric
Eric: Hey! Hey! Would it kill you to use a coaster? Bunch of wild hooligans here.
Donna: Oh, sorry, Red.
Eric: Red? You know... It was gonna leave a ring.
Donna: That's so true, Kitty. Eric, look, this is not your house. You're not gonna get in trouble for any of this, so loosen up.
Eric: Yeah. I guess I could do that. [moves beer can off the coaster] Oh, my God. It's like I'm seeing colors I've never seen before.
Quote from Midge
[Red looks at his Scrabble tiles which read "BALDING" and then looks over at Bob]
[Kitty tries to sneak a peak at Bob's hair before looking at her tiles which read "ABADRUG". She nervously takes a sip of her drink before smiling at Bob.]
[Bob returns a smile to Kitty and then looks down at his tiles which read "SHOOTME"]
Midge: Well, I'm gonna have to pass. I've got nothing.
[Midge's tiles read "ZYGOTES"]
Quote from Kelso
Kelso: You know what? You're right, Fez. All right, this party's over. Everybody out!
Eric: No. Kelso, what are you saying, man? Think!
Kelso: You know what, guys? For the first time in my life, I think I am thinking. [tosses cigar in garbage can] You know, I'm in danger of ruining the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. And I am not gonna let that happen!
Hyde: Kelso...
Kelso: Do not interrupt me, all right? This is important. From now on, I'm gonna put Jackie's needs first. And she is gonna be so proud of me! [Hyde points to the fire] Whoa! [Kelso throws a drink on the fire] Whoa, man! This is a rager! Give me your brandies. [throws more drinks] Whoa! [throws more drinks] Whoa! Gimme! Whoa!
Quote from Midge
Midge: S-I-T. That's "sit."
Kitty: Oh my. Yes, it is, again.
Bob: Yeah, Midgie's got quite a lead.
Quote from Eric
Eric: [sings] Hey, hey, Donna I want to sing to you Hey, hey, hey, Donna No one else will ever do I've waited so long For school to be through Donna, Donna, I love you Hey, hey, Donna
Donna: Eric, get down off there right now!
Eric: What's the problem, Donna?
Quote from Fez
Kelso: Listen, Jackie. Wait. I owe you an apology. I just wanted to help tonight, and I guess I blew it. And I'm sorry.
Jackie: Yeah. Lately, you've been sorry a lot, Michael.
Kelso: Yeah, but this time I mean it.
Fez: Actually, he does. He felt very bad and said tender words about you, and then he set your house on fire. See, he loves you, but he just stupid.
Kelso: Thank you, Fez.
Fez: Sure.
Quote from Kelso
Kelso: Nothing good came out of this night. Although I did find out brandy's flammable.
Eric: Yeah, it's worth knowing. Oh, and, uh, gasoline, for future reference.
[split-screen with Eric and Kelso and Donna and Jackie:]
Kelso: I just don't get chicks, man.
Jackie: God, Donna, men are stupid. How can they not know what we want?
Kelso: They want you to give them what they want...
Jackie: I think they know what we want.
Kelso: But you can't know what they want...
Jackie: They just won't give it to us.
Kelso: Because they never tell you.
Jackie: You know?
Donna: It's so simple.
Eric: Yeah, it's confusing, huh?
Quote from Eric
[split-screen with Eric and Kelso and Donna and Jackie:]
Donna: Oh, my God. The most horrifying moment? Eric sang to me.
Eric: Hey, I sang to Donna. Yeah, she kinda melted. [chuckles] I mean, she called me a dink, but, I don't think she meant it.
Donna: Eric was such a dink tonight. And I mean it.
Jackie: Totally.
Kelso: Totally.
Quote from Fez
Hyde: Hey, hey, can you guys, uh, keep it down a bit, please?
Donna: Hyde, there's lipstick on your chin.
Fez: Hyde, why are you putting lipstick on your chin? It's for your lips.
Eric: Hey, maybe he's got a girl back there. So, Hyde, who's the lucky lady?
Hyde: I never kiss and tell. It's Kat Peterson.
Donna: Yeah, right. You're in your bedroom with the most popular girl in school.
Fez: Yeah. What happened to Farrah Fawcett? Did her car break down?
Hyde: Look. Just keep it down, all right? You're killiing the mood.
Fez: Hyde, there is no mood because no one's back there.
Quote from Jackie
Donna: "You and a guest are cordially invited for an evening of cocktails, dinner and TV."
Jackie: The attire is semi-formal casual.
Fez: Ah, finally, I can wear my tuxedo t-shirt.
Jackie: Uh, sorry, Fez. I forgot to invite you and Hyde.
Fez: Oh, but it's never too late.
Jackie: Okay, bye. [exits]
Kelso: Don't worry, Fez. I'm sure you and Hyde can come.
Jackie: [returns] No, Michael, they can't.
Kelso: Okay, I get it. They can't come. [smirks at Fez]
Jackie: Come with me. No!