Red: [garage door opens] Well, that was pretty sad, Eric.
Eric: What?
Red: Come on, I'm going to teach you how to play basketball. We got four hours until your bedtime, and we are gonna drill, drill, drill.
Eric: But I thought that Mom needed your help.
Kitty: [o.s.] I can't hear you, Eric, I'm ironing. [hums loudly]
Red: We'll start you off with 100 squat thrusts.
Eric: Dad, we don't even know who won.
Red: She did. Now hit it. [Eric starts doing squat thrusts] One, two, three, four... [time lapse] Ninety-eight, ninety-nine, one hundred. [Eric collapses on the floor] Okay. Let's play.

Donna: I've got winners.
Kelso: No, I've got to go. It's almost 8:00, and I've got to call Jackie.
Eric & Donna: [as Chico] Looking good!
Kelso: Shut up.

Eric: Pinciotti has the ball. Forman guards her closely. She tries to shake him, but she can't. [Donna nets the ball] Pinciotti actually scores! Hell freezes over! A monkey types Hamlet!

Donna: Pinciotti, the underdog, up by five. She fakes right. She fakes left. She fakes right, then left. She fakes faking right and fakes left. Now she's actually-
Eric: Donna, what are you doing?
Donna: Running out the clock.
Eric: There is no clock.
Donna: [makes the shot] Sucker.

Donna: Do you want to play air hockey?
Eric: With you? I'd love to, but I'm kind of tired and my wrist hurts, and I think I'm coming down with the flu.
Donna: Well, it's just as well. I'm pretty bad at it.
Eric: You know, one game isn't going to kill me.

Donna: Have you been practicing?
Eric: Well... a little.
Donna: My goodness, what a super shot.
Eric: Donna, what are you doing?
Donna: I'm... losing to you, you big, strong grizzly bear. [growls]
Eric: Donna, you're intentionally throwing the game.
Donna: I'm throwing the game?
Eric: Donna!
Donna: I didn't want you to feel bad about losing to a girl again.
Eric: Well, thanks, 'cause being pitied is so much better.
Donna: God, I can't believe you care about this. All I did was beat you at a few lousy games.
Eric: A few? No, two. Try two lousy games. Not a few. Two. And I don't care. So please leave my property.
Donna: As long as you don't care.

Eric: What are you doing?
Donna: Just shooting some hoops, waiting for an apology.
Eric: Well, when you think of one, I'll be glad to hear it.
Donna: [sighs] Okay, look we're both acting like jerks. I'm sorry.
Eric: Yeah, I'm sorry, too.
Donna: You know, maybe we shouldn't play basketball anymore. Or any games, for that matter.
Eric: Yeah, maybe. End of an era, huh?
Donna: Hey, remember when we were eight and I beat you at wrestling? That was fun.
Eric: Donna, you sat on my chest and made me eat a clump of dirt.
Donna: All right, screw it. You want to just play?
Eric: Yeah, I do. Hey, you're not going to make me eat a clump of dirt again, are you?
Donna: We'll see.

Eric: Uh, Dad, about this table-
Kitty: Eric.
Red: What about the table?
Kitty: Just that it is so darn great, Red. [laughs]
Red: I think I ought to shave down the legs.
Kitty: No, that would just ruin it, Red.
Red: For God's sakes, I know how to cut the legs off a table.
Eric: You're telling me. [chuckles]
Red: What was that?
Eric: Nothing, sir. [Kitty laughs]