Jackie: Donna, one of your drunken uncles is touching me. Oh, my God.
[fantasy: Donna has "I had sex" written across her face]
Jackie: Oh, my God. We need to talk, right now!
[As Jackie and Donna run out of the room, Bob turns to Eric]
Eric: What?
[fantasy: Eric has "Guilty" written across his forehead]

Jackie: All right... Tell me everything.
Donna: No.
Jackie: Come on, Donna. We're supposed to be friends. Aren't we friends?
Donna: Well, yeah.
Jackie: Okay then. So... What'd it look like?
Donna: Jackie!
Jackie: Okay, we'll come back to that one.

Man: [on TV] And I would've gotten away with it, too, if it wasn't for those darn kids!
Fez: Oh... Oh, I love this Scooby-Doo!

Red: Look, Kitty. Look how good I look on it. Hey, we could get matching jackets. You know how you love things that match.
Kitty: Red, what were you thinking?
Red: Oh, come on, Kitty. You know the last thing I bought for myself? A hose.
Kitty: Well, I'm sorry, but we can't afford it.
Red: What do you mean? I'm working again.
Kitty: But we still have to get out of debt. And we have to pay for Eric's college, and we got... We got Laurie's wedding, and you know whoever she ends up with, it's not gonna be any Rockefeller.

Jackie: Michael, how could you?
Kelso: What'd I do?
Jackie: Michael, I didn't tell you about Eric's sad dilemma so you could make fun of him. I told you so you could help him.
Kelso: Jackie, I can't help him and burn him at the same time. Uh, I mean, come on, Jackie. It's funny! He must've been really bad.
Jackie: Yeah? Well, so were you.
Kelso: Oh! All right, Jackie, I don't think you know what you're saying, okay? 'Cause you called me your Apollo rocket of love.
Jackie: Right... But I said it like... "Oh, Michael, you're a regular Apollo rocket of love."
Kelso: Okay, I don't hear a difference.

Jackie: Eric, if it makes you feel any better, Michael was really bad his first time, too.
Kelso: [o.s.] Oh!
Eric: Um, that's supposed to make me feel better?
Jackie: Doesn't it?
Eric: Yeah, a little. Thanks, Jackie.

Red: All right... Fun's fun. Time to take it back.
Kitty: No.
Red: No?
Kitty: No. I like it. I want to keep it.
Red: But you said yourself we gotta save money for the kids.
Kitty: Oh, screw the damn kids. Oh, Red, I have worked double shifts all year. I deserve this. I want my hog.
Red: You know, Laurie might not even get married.
Kitty: Maybe Eric will get a scholarship to college.
Red: Well, hell, he might be too stupid to even get in college!
Kitty: Well, Red, we can only hope. [laughs]

Eric: And, Donna, you know why those things got better? Because we kinda care about each other, and we talk... And we make things work.
Donna: Yeah, but what if it doesn't work? And then not only does it not work, but we don't have what we used to have?
Eric: Donna, we will. We love each other, right? So, trust me. It can only get better.
Donna: Hmm. Okay, so, I guess what you're saying is we need practice.
Eric: And lots of it! Yes!

Eric: So?
Donna: Yeah. It was a little better.
Eric: A little better? I am the king!

Laurie: Kelso, have you been avoiding me?
Kelso: You kidding me? I'm right here, aren't I?
Laurie: It's just that ever since I threatened to tell Jackie about the two of us, you've seemed distant.
Kelso: Laurie, that's just crazy, all right? You blackmailing me has just brought us closer together.