TV Quotes

Kelso: Oh, Mr. Forman, can I light this off in your house?
Red: Sure and then I'll light my foot off in your ass.
Hyde: And that, my friends, is the last "foot-in-ass" of the decade. Cheers.
Kitty: Michael, it is so good to see you. The girls in the emergency room were just asking about you.
Kelso: You know, it's like I've been gone for so long, I almost forgot you're a hot mom.
Kitty: Oh! [giggles]
Red: You know what else is hot? My foot when it's in your ass.
Hyde: Look at that. He had one more in him.

Kitty: Okay, what were you two talking about?
Red: Well, Kitty, I had a stash of gifts down there for every occasion. That way, if I forgot to buy you something, I'd still be covered.
Kitty: You buy my gifts in bulk?
Red: No, it's more of a vast inventory of love.
Kitty: Well, you're about to get a vast inventory of my foot in your ass! Yeah! I can do that too!

Red: I can't believe that is what you idiots have been doing in my basement all these years!
[The background behind Red and Kitty sways as Eric stares at them]
Red: I wish I had 2,000 feet so I could put 500 of them in each of your asses!

Instructor: Good, Donna-san. Jackie-san, would you like to try the move that Donna-san just performed?
Jackie: Ugh. But none of this self-defense stuff applies to me. Okay, I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Everyone loves me.
Instructor: You don't understand. I am a stranger who wants to hurt you.
Jackie: I'm not buying it.
Donna: Okay, Jackie, let's say he's not a stranger. Let's say he's someone who already hurt you. Like Hyde.
Jackie: What about him?
Donna: Well, you asked Hyde for a tiny glimmer of hope that you guys would end up married one day. But he said, "I don't know." "I don't know." As if Jackie Burkhart weren't special at all.
Jackie: Watch it, Donna.
Donna: I mean... I mean, I thought Jackie Burkhart was special. But according to Hyde, you're no better than me.
Jackie: All men are bastards! [attacks instructor] That jerk didn't want me! I'm better than everyone! Hyde, you've lost the best thing when you lost me! And it's not Jackie-san! It's Jackie! Just Jackie! Nothing more than Jackie! Get it right, Dork-san! Oh, I love karate.

Kitty: Red, do you need anything from the supermarket?
Red: Yeah. Graham Crackers that don't taste like cardboard. I fought in two wars. I deserve name-brand cookies.
Kitty: Well, those are name-brand. Look at the box, there's the Kubler Dwarves.

Kelso: Stay away from my girlfriend!
Jackie: Michael, what are you doing?
Kelso: Well, I can be at the mall now, 'cause I got business. Train business.
Jackie: You have lost your mind!
Kelso: Yep, and I don't miss it!
Jackie: Michael, look at you, riding around on a kiddie train so you can spy on me. I mean, do you not see how crazy this is?
Kelso: Well, yeah. But I- I don't know what to do. I mean, I'm a mess. I can't sleep, I can't eat. Well, I can eat. And then when I eat, I get kind of sleepy. But I am really upset.
Jackie: Look, if we're ever gonna get past this, you have to forget about that stupid little kiss and just try- try to remember that we love each other.
Kelso: I know.
Jackie: So can we please, please just finally move on?
Kelso: I wanna say yes, but it's like we're on this track and we keep going around in circles like some kind of... some kind of... I don't know. I lost my train of thought.