That '70s Show Quotes

That '70s Show

That '70s Show

A group of teenage friends enjoy the final years of the '70s in small-town Wisconsin.

Starring: Topher Grace, Mila Kunis, Ashton Kutcher, Danny Masterson, Laura Prepon, Wilmer Valderrama, Debra Jo Rupp, Kurtwood Smith, Don Stark.
Recurring Actors: Tanya Roberts, Lisa Robin Kelly, Tommy Chong.
Original Run: 1998-2006.

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Quote from Kelso in Man with Money

Hyde: I mean, how does Bob pull all these foxes like Midge and Pam? He's got to have something the ladies can't resist. Hey, Donna, you ever see your dad naked?
Donna: Oh, my God! Can we please talk about anything besides that?
Fez: You're way off, Hyde. Women love Bob for his sense of humor. That sucker is funnier than a Dixie cup.
Kelso: No. All right, how it works is relationships are based on a point system. All right, see, Pam is good-looking. So that's 20 points. And Bob, he's like the nicest guy in the world. So that's like, what? Like a point. But Bob's got money, and that's 19 points. And altogether that's 20. Now, you add the whole thing together, and that's 40, which is incidentally almost half my score.


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Quote from Red in That '70s Finale

Kelso: Oh, Mr. Forman, can I light this off in your house?
Red: Sure and then I'll light my foot off in your ass.
Hyde: And that, my friends, is the last "foot-in-ass" of the decade. Cheers.
Kitty: Michael, it is so good to see you. The girls in the emergency room were just asking about you.
Kelso: You know, it's like I've been gone for so long, I almost forgot you're a hot mom.
Kitty: Oh! [giggles]
Red: You know what else is hot? My foot when it's in your ass.
Hyde: Look at that. He had one more in him.

Quote from Kitty in Killer Queen

Kitty: Okay, what were you two talking about?
Red: Well, Kitty, I had a stash of gifts down there for every occasion. That way, if I forgot to buy you something, I'd still be covered.
Kitty: You buy my gifts in bulk?
Red: No, it's more of a vast inventory of love.
Kitty: Well, you're about to get a vast inventory of my foot in your ass! Yeah! I can do that too!

Quote from Red in Till the Next Goodbye

Red: I can't believe that is what you idiots have been doing in my basement all these years!
[The background behind Red and Kitty sways as Eric stares at them]
Red: I wish I had 2,000 feet so I could put 500 of them in each of your asses!

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Quote from Kitty in Sheer Heart Attack

Kitty: Red, do you need anything from the supermarket?
Red: Yeah. Graham Crackers that don't taste like cardboard. I fought in two wars. I deserve name-brand cookies.
Kitty: Well, those are name-brand. Look at the box, there's the Kubler Dwarves.

Quote from Red in The Velvet Rope

Red: [inner monologue] Hi. Red Forman. Experienced, loyal, hard-working. Yeah.
[Red walks into the waiting room and sees a bunch of middle-aged men in suits just like him]
All: Hey! That's Red!
Red: It's all you guys from the, uh... From the plant, huh? So, we're all going after the same job. Well. That's, uh... That's terrific.
Dale: Boy, I wish I had your confidence, Red. I got nothing. All I can think to do is tell this guy I'm experienced, loyal, and hard-working.
Red: [inner monologue] Son of a bitch!

Quote from Red in I Can't Quit You, Baby

Eric: Look, Dad, I need my car. Don't you remember when you were in high school? I bet you had some good times driving around senior year with your friends.
Red: My senior year, I was driving a gunboat around Okinawa. And if you count the Japanese snipers as my friends... then, yes, I had some good times.
Kitty: You have to understand, Eric. It's not that your father's trying to be a bad guy. It's just that he's been irreparably damaged by war.