Mateo: What is going on in this neighborhood? We got robbed, Home Depot got robbed, that weird store that only makes copies got robbed.
Cheyenne: I'm scared to even walk to my car alone at night.
Amy: That is why everyone gets a rape whistle.
Cheyenne: That's a kazoo.
Amy: Yeah, we had an overstock. So everyone gets a rape kazoo.

Amy: I also think we need parking lot buddies so that no one has to walk to their car alone at night.
Marcus: I'll be paired with anyone but Sarah. That girl's got, like, a huge restraining order against me.
Justine: I'll take any guy who's 6'2" with blue eyes. Wait, we're talking about picking boyfriends, right? [laughs]
Mateo: I'll take Justine. The robbers will probably kill her before they kill me.

Cheyenne: Can I be paired with Mateo, actually? We usually go to trivia night together.
Amy: Oh, you guys do a trivia night? That sounds fun.
Marcus: I still say I got robbed last week. Women do not produce eggs. That's chickens.
Justine: [laughs] Garrett mocked you so hard for that. He was all like, you know, funny stuff.

Sandra: [blows kazoo] Sorry. I'm not being raped. I just was trying to play "Camptown Races."
Amy: It's not a toy.
Sandra: It is not.

Myrtle: My parking lot buddy is Jonah. How is he gonna protect me? "Oh, stop. Don't attack us."
Jonah: I'm literally right here, Myrtle.
Dina: Listen, her mind's mostly gone, but she raises a good point. You froze while a guy robbed the store.
Jonah: Okay, again, I didn't freeze. He was being calm, so I was being calm. The robber sets the tone.
Dina: Oh, so are you just going to be calm when a group of methed-out serial killers stabs Myrtle to death in the parking lot?
Jonah: No, because that would be a different tone.

Jeff: Hey, everybody. Can I get you to meet me in the break room for a quick chat?
Cheyenne: Is it about your boots?
Jeff: Uh, no. Um, it's about this morning's incident.
Garrett: Is that when you bought your boots?
Jeff: Just... if everybody would just meet me in the break room.

Jeff: The point is, we have a policy for this. So if you see something suspicious, report it. Don't try to handle it yourself.
Dina: Yeah, we all know what the policy is, but what was I supposed to do? Just stand there and make brown, like Jonah?
Jeff: What did Jonah do?
Jonah: Well, I didn't actually do anything...
Dina: Exactly. He just sat there and watched a guy rob the store.
Jeff: Thank you. That is what you should all do in the future. Thank you, Jonah, for actually following protocol.
Jonah: Oh, well, yeah. I mean, you know, you guys came up with the policy. I just knew it and followed it.
Jeff: It's appreciated.
Mateo: Oh, my God, just sleep with him, already.

Jeff: Anyway, what I'm saying is, don't be a Dina. Be a Jonah.

Jonah: Uh, hey. Hey, um... You know what? This... this might sound weird, but, um, could you not compliment me in front of Dina?
Jeff: I'm sorry?
Jonah: I appreciate everything that you're saying, but, um, I think Dina was a little embarrassed about what happened this morning. And when Dina gets embarrassed, she can be a bit of a bully.
Jeff: Dina's bullying you?
Jonah: No, no. That's not what I... No, I just meant that she can be a bit of a bully.
Jeff: Thank you for coming forward. I will talk to HR.
Jonah: No, no, no, no. You don't need to get HR involved. No.
Jeff: Okay, but you understand you just informed me that a superior is bullying you. Legally, that's something I have to report. We've just had too many suicides.
Jonah: Not necessary, no.
Jeff: Okay, I take no joy in getting Dina in any kind of trouble.
Jonah: Really? 'Cause you're... you're smiling a little.
Jeff: Am I? Huh.

Jeff: Okay, bullying's not just beating people up. It's... it's any behavior that's hostile or intimidating.
Mateo: Like when your ex buys $300 boots, but all he got you on your birthday was a cake from the store bakery?
Jeff: You said you didn't want anything. So, you know what, that doesn't matter.