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Valentine's Day

‘Valentine's Day’

Season 2, Episode 14 -  Aired February 9, 2017

On Valentine's Day, Amy and Glenn try to set Myrtle up with Arthur (Bernie Kopell). Meanwhile, Sandra's fictitious relationship with Jeff is starting to make Mateo jealous.

Quote from Dina

Jonah: I'm sure it's her.
Dina: Well, there's definite similarities. Slightly different BMis, but she could be on one of those crash diets.
Jonah: So what do we do next? Do we... Do we call the cops? Do we bust her ourselves?
Dina: Easy, Cagney. We have to catch her in the act. Now, I'd have my plainclothes guy tail her, but Tuesday's his day off. Ah, I wonder what he wears on his day off. Fancy clothes probably.


Quote from Garrett

Garrett: What's wrong with him?
Cheyenne: Well, it's because of a reason that I... I can't tell you.
Garrett: Hmm, I actually don't care, so...
Cheyenne: Mateo's the one dating Jeff, okay? And Sandra is just making it up to get attention.
Garrett: So Sandra has a fake boyfriend, she sent herself flowers, and Mateo is dating Jeff?
Cheyenne: Yeah.
Garrett: This a quality Tuesday.

Quote from Mateo

Sandra: [laughs] This is so embarrassing. I always tell him, "Jeff, you're gift enough for me," but he won't listen.
Garrett: I'm not much of a romantic, but this is special stuff.
Mateo: Whatever. Do you know how many babies choke on balloons and die every year? I don't know, but it seems like a few would.
Garrett: I'm just happy for Sandra. I mean, can you imagine what it's like to have what she has? I mean, just to have a connection like that with someone. I bet Jeff just loves it.
Mateo: 30. 30 babies die.

Quote from Amy

Amy: No, no, no, no. I'm not blaming anyone. I'm just saying that maybe he wasn't harassing you. It is a very nice sweater.
Man: It shouldn't matter what she's wearing.
Amy: I'm sorry. Who asked you to get involved?
Man: Sexual harassment involves us all.
Amy: Okay, this isn't sexual... Okay, I was just trying to set her up for a date.
Woman: Intent is irrelevant.
Amy: Seriously, who are you people?
Woman: Oh, we're not together.
Man: Oh, oh, 'cause a woman couldn't possible be out on her own without a big, strong man, 'cause then she'd be a slut!
Amy: Okay, none of you know the story. She asked me to set her up, so I set her up. She was asking me for it. She asked for it. [both gasp]

Quote from Marcus

Jeff: Let's just say that if you ask somebody out, and they say no, move on.
Marcus: What if she just says no because she has plans that night? Can you ask her out again for a different night?
Jeff: Umm. I guess. I mean, it depends. Does she really have plans, or is she politely telling you she's not interested?
Marcus: [snaps fingers] Which one is it, Sarah?
Sarah: It's the second one.
Marcus: Whatever. I was just asking as a joke anyway.

Quote from Glenn

Glenn: Sometimes people do change their minds. I mean, I met Jerusha when we were both working at my father's hardware store. I asked her out every day for a year, and then she said yes.
All: Aww.
Jeff: Okay, actually, that's called a systemic pattern of hostility. It's, like, the number one thing you can't do.

Quote from Mateo

Jeff: Are you angry at me? 'Cause I'm not ignoring you. I just don't think everybody at work needs to know you're my boyfriend.
Mateo: Boyfriend?
Jeff: Yeah.
Mateo: I'm your boyfriend?
Jeff: Yeah.
Mateo: Oh, you've never called me that before. [they kiss] Boyfriend is way better than the keychain.
Jeff: So what did you get me?
Mateo: I'm sorry. I've been dealing with a lot of drama today.

Quote from Jonah

Jonah: This makes me genuinely sad.
Amy: Flash mob proposals are so lame. Except for the one that Bo did for you. That was unique and very cool.
Jonah: Yeah.
Cheyenne: Yeah, but flash mobs stopped being cool, like, a year ago.
Jonah: Yeah, they were cool one year ago.

Quote from Dina

Glenn: Where's Lisa? We need Lisa.
Mateo: Where the [bleep] is Lisa?
Dina: She's in the bathroom.
Garrett: [over PA] Is it a quick bathroom break or more of a hunker-down-watch YouTube-videos situation?
Dina: Hard to say. Her body language going in... Oh, wait, here she comes.

Quote from Amy

Amy: And I don't think that it's a good idea to go setting people up around work.
Glenn: Are you down on love because of your bad marriage?
Amy: No, I just don't think people come here to find love. This is a workplace, not
Glenn: What's
Amy: It's like Christian Mingle, but for everyone.
Glenn: Oh! That is such a good idea.

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