Garrett: [over PA] Attention shoppers. It's Valentine's Day, and love is in the air, along with dust, pet dander, and toxic mold spores, so pick up a Supercloud air purifier and convince yourself it's making a difference, which it's not, 'cause it's just a fan.

Amy: Hi, Myrtle. Look, I just... I want to say I'm sorry. I was totally out of line.
Myrtle: He was saying such filth, how much he liked my sweater.
Amy: Oh, well, is that really that bad?
Myrtle: He meant he liked what's under my sweater.
Amy: Okay, maybe, but maybe... I don't know... it is possible that you misunderstood what he said or...
Myrtle: Oh, blame the victim. She's blaming the victim!

Glenn: Oh, I see. It's wrong when I try to do matchmaking, but you get to whip out the fangs, huh?
Amy: What fangs?
Glenn: Cupid's fangs.
Amy: Glenn, again, an arrow.

Jeff: No one is saying you can't ever date somebody you work with. Just be careful not to make unwanted advances.
Cheyenne: So you can't ask someone out unless you know they like you? But then you don't know if someone likes you unless you ask them out, so that's, like, a Catch-22.
Jonah: Whoa, well done.
Cheyenne: Oh, I've been studying for the SATs. It's been a very extrapolatory experience.

Sandra: You guys, look what Jeff just sent me. "My precious treasure, words cannot express my love for you. And I love seeing you naked, because it's really good. Love, Mr. Man."
Cheyenne: Wow, Jeff sent you those.
Sandra: Mm-hmm.
Garrett: That's, like, a hundred-dollar bouquet.
Sandra: Yeah, or, like, 140.
Mateo: Seems so weird he'd send you a gift at work when your relationship is supposed to be secret.
Sandra: I guess he really loves me, huh?
Mateo: Yeah.
Sandra: Hey, Heather. Look what Jeff just sent me.

Cheyenne: And Bo's parents are out of town, so everyone's just gonna get waa-sted. [both laugh] What about you? Any hot Valentine's Day plans?
Myrtle: No, probably sit in the park, feed the ducks.
Cheyenne: Ohh, that's so old person. You can come if you want, but it's bring your own nitrous.

Amy: Hey, Myrtle, do you date anymore?
Myrtle: No, but if you know someone nice, set me up. He doesn't even have to be white.

Dina: Okay, what we need is a database. Everybody write down all the employees you're attracted to. Totally confidential. I will compile a spreadsheet of any matches and post it above the microwave.

Garrett: Found her on IMDB. She was on NCIS. She played "Lady in Pool." Acting life is tough.

Glenn: Tell me, do you think that Brett and Brittany would be good together? I mean, it feels like there's chemistry there, but it might just be the alliteration.
Amy: What, like, together-together?
Glenn: Yeah, yeah. I don't know.
Amy: Why? 'Cause I hired Miles and Lisa, and now they're in love.
Glenn: You know, so I thought maybe there's some other sad singles who'd like to get bitten by Cupid.
Amy: An arrow. I think Cupid has an arrow.
Glenn: And he bites.