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Toy Drive

‘Toy Drive’

Season 5, Episode 8 -  Aired November 14, 2019

Amy and Jonah help Mateo to run a toy drive for charity to showcase at his immigration hearing, but they run into competition from another fundraiser. Sandra and Jerry ask Glenn to officiate their wedding. Meanwhile, Cheyenne tells Garrett that Colleen is "ghosting" him.

Quote from Janet

Janet: I'd donate myself, Mateo, but I have my own kids to buy toys for. It's not personal.
Mateo: I didn't think it was.
Janet: Okay, fine, it's a little personal.

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Quote from Glenn

Glenn: If folks are looking for a good place to donate, my church makes it super easy. They take money straight out of my bank account, so I don't even have to think about whether I can afford to give that month.

Quote from Cheyenne

Cheyenne: Smart. So you're stretching it out with Colleen so you can keep dating her?
Garrett: Well, that's a plus, but it's actually true. She's just been swamped at work. We barely even have time to text.
Cheyenne: Really? She works at a Cloud 9. Everyone here is always texting. I'm in a group chat about Chicago Fire, and I don't even know if that's a show or a fire.

Quote from Sandra

Sandra: Um, Glenn, I wanted to ask... sorry, is this... am I loud enough?
Glenn: Yeah, I think so.
Sandra: Okay, well, Jerry and I were wondering if you could marry us.
Glenn: You want me to officiate at your wedding?
Dina: Sandra, I gave you a long list of better options! For a small fee, we can get Tay Zonday. [off their looks] The guy who sings "Chocolate Rain"? Jeez, where have you guys been?
Sandra: We want Glenn. He's always been there for us. When Jerry was in the hospital, he was the only person who said he wished he could've visited.
Glenn: Oh, my God, Sandra, I can't... you... I can't even begin to s...
Dina: This is who you want speaking at your wedding?

Quote from Mateo

Amy: Toy drive! Donate to underprivileged youth!
Mateo: Okay, this isn't working. Why can't we just grab toys from the store and fake the shot?
Amy: I think faking charity is frowned upon in immigration cases and, like, in life.
Jonah: Oh, here we go. We got a live one.
Amy: Hi.
Mateo: Oh, uh-uh. A book? Come on, that's just mean. Go.

Quote from Dina

Dina: Hey, so what's the latest with Operation Make Colleen Fall in Love With You and Then Dump Her to Ruin Her Life Forever?
Garrett: Well, she's been pretty busy, so I actually haven't seen her in a couple weeks.
Dina: Oh, okay, well, let me know when you're gonna dump her because I wanna be there.
Garrett: Mm-hmm.
Dina: I'm thinking maybe, I don't know, a two-way mirror, or I cut some holes in a newspaper. We'll figure it out on the day.
Garrett: Okay.

Quote from Sandra

Glenn: Check it out, I've already got my official ordination license from 5-minute-minister.net.
Sandra: Oh, cool.
Jerry: Got your name and everything.
Glenn: Now, first, I need to get to know you better as a couple. So how would you describe your relationship?
Sandra: It's really nice. Right?
Jerry: Yeah, it's nice.
Glenn: Nice, nice. Okay. And, Sandra, what do you really like about Jerry?
Sandra: Well, let's see. I guess it's probably how nice he is.
Glenn: Okay, got it. I'll just underline nice. Now, Jerry, what do you like about Sandra?
Jerry: She's great.
Sandra: Aww.

Quote from Amy

Kyle: Hey, you hear that, people? Huh? Little Miss Manager here says that I have to stop raising money, so people can spend more in her store!
Woman: Wow, so that's what this store is about. Money.
Amy: No! Well, yes, but... it's just... it's a bad day for him to be here.
Kyle: Oh, sorry. Well, just let me know when you can pencil in a time for poor people to eat.
Amy: Ugh, okay, you know what? It's fine. You can stay.
Woman: You know what? I bet they sell everything for more than it cost them and keep the profit.
Amy: We didn't start that. That's... That's what all stores do.

Quote from Mateo

Amy: Donate to our toy drive and get a free $5 gift card!
Mateo: [to passing woman] It's good for anything in the store, especially eyebrow tweezers.

Quote from Cheyenne

Cheyenne: Colleen's gonna be so jealous when you Instagram this. Look at how much better off you are without her. You're happy, totally jacked.
Garrett: Yeah, just traveling the world shirtless.
Cheyenne: She's gonna feel so sorry she dumped you.
Garrett: If she dumped me.
Cheyenne: Garrett, no, it's over. You need to move on. You should have some rebound sex.
Garrett: No, again, nothing to rebound from, so...
Cheyenne: Oh, Carol, do you want to have sex with Garrett?
Garrett: No, no, no, no.
Carol: Uh, I'd be open to it. Colleen seems lovely.
Cheyenne: Oh, no, it would actually just be the two of you. Colleen ghosted him, so...
Garrett: Didn't get ghosted.
Cheyenne: Oh, um, I'm really just focusing on myself these days, so...
Garrett: Oh, no, okay, well, that was not a real offer, so you're not rejecting me!

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