Best ‘Superstore’ Quotes   Page 2 of 25    

Quote from Jeff in Customer Satisfaction

Jeff: Okay, well, Zephra's looking at the scores and the comments, so it's important that you get positive feedback. Especially this store.
Dina: What's that supposed to mean?
Jeff: There's been some chatter that 1217 is a "problem child" store.
Glenn: What?
Jeff: I mean, you did damage the store's servers, there's the raccoon infestation, there's Carol's lawsuit, not to mention the multiple attempts at unionizing.
Dina: Well, yeah, of course it's gonna sound bad when you just rattle them off in a row like that. But if you interspersed them with good things we've done or just, you know, random trivia...


Quote from Cheyenne in Conspiracy

Mateo: What if we had a big public blowout, you know, and we dropped some major bombs?
Cheyenne: Okay, yeah, what if you come at me like, "I know what you did!"
Mateo: Okay. And then you'd be like, "And I know you were only friends with me to get close to Bo because you're in love with him." [Cheyenne gasps] Do you see how I moved the story forward?
Cheyenne: Mm-hmm.
Mateo: Yours was just like attitude, which is fine.
Cheyenne: Yeah, ooh, and then it could come out that you're Harmonica's real father.
Mateo: So her parents are me and Bo?
Cheyenne: Yeah, imagine how pissed I'd be.
Mateo: Let's not commit to anything just yet, but we should definitely jot some ideas down.

Quote from Glenn in Conspiracy

Glenn: I'm sorry. Just... I started doing some research, and I came across this article, "The Truth About Zephra." I think there's some fishy business going on.
Dina: Oh, like tax evasion, offshore banking? What are we talking here?
Glenn: You know how everyone's pushing this 5G? Well, turns out 5 is the worst of the Gs. They say that it hits your brain at a certain frequency that lets them control human behavior.
Dina: You think Zephra's involved in mind control? Okay, that's enough screen time for you.
Glenn: No, it's not that I believe in mind control, but they are trying to control how we greet customers.
Dina: Glenn, enough. This is why old people shouldn't be allowed on the Internet.

Quote from Mateo in Ground Rules

Mateo: Another floor supervisor tip: We direct. Don't use words like "maybe" or "I think" with these peons.
Cheyenne: Okay.
Mateo: Before you speak, think, "How would an evil queen decree this?"
Cheyenne: Ooh, yeah.
Mateo: And just a couple other things I thought of.
Cheyenne: Oh.
Mateo: No more campfire games with employees and no sparkly makeup. Oh, and don't put unicorn stickers on your clipboard. They're unprofessional.
Cheyenne: Uh, okay.
Mateo: But otherwise, you are killing it, girl.
Cheyenne: Thanks.
Mateo: Oh, you should probably change your shoes. I mean, they're fun but, it looks like you skinned a Care Bear.

Quote from Carol in The Trough

Carol: Today was fun. Sometimes I feel like people think I'm a weirdo, but you made me feel really cool today.
Cheyenne: Aw, can I be real with you a sec? Dina assigned me to hang out with you today to, like, write down any bad or crazy things you did. She said Corporate wanted it.
Carol: My lawyer warned me this might happen.
Cheyenne: But don't worry, I'm not gonna give them anything because, bottom of my heart, you are, like, high-key fire.
Carol: Oh, well, thanks. And I know you won't give them anything because I recorded your little confession. How you stole that makeup? So you screw with me, you get fired.
Cheyenne: Carol, that is so savage. I love you so much right now.
Carol: I know you do. Bye, bitch.
Cheyenne: Goodbye, bitch.

Quote from Glenn in Biscuit

Glenn: It is so nice to be out of quarantine and back running this store. God, I so missed talking to real people. You know, sometimes I pretended that the Nativity figurines in my garage were you guys. [to Jonah] You were the baby Jesus.
Jonah: That's... great. Thank you.

Quote from Cheyenne in Prize Wheel

Garrett: Okay, well, you wanna start mopping here before this thing becomes sentient and starts to fight back?
Cheyenne: Ooh.
Garrett: Oh, hey, we found something. Something liquified. I think there might be teeth in it.
Cheyenne: Mm, nah, that's not the smell you're looking for. This smells more like someone farted in a Tupperware and left it on a hot driveway.
Jonah: You are alarmingly good at that.
Cheyenne: Yeah, sorry, guys. Keep looking.

Quote from Cheyenne in Prize Wheel

Dina: Jonah, Garrett, some customers have been complaining about a weird smell.
Cheyenne: Oh, yeah, it's, like, our worst smell yet. It's like two moldy sponges puked on each other.
Jonah: Wow, that's... That's exactly what it is.

Quote from Cheyenne in Prize Wheel

Mateo: Oh, we've done 10,000 steps already.
Cheyenne: Oh, my God, what's the max?
Mateo: There's no... You just keep on walking.
Cheyenne: Like, unlimited?

Quote from Cheyenne in Floor Supervisor

Jonah: Cheyenne, did you tell people I was gonna take away their breaks?
Cheyenne: Yeah, Dina told me if I said that to people, they wouldn't vote for you. Plus my friend K-Fai works at Olive Garden... [loudly] And if I'm elected, she's gonna bring us free breadsticks. Oh, and also, I promise to get the best scientists to work really hard on a COVID vaccine.
Jonah: What? Oh, come on, that's... There is no way she can do that. The vaccine thing. The breadsticks part, maybe. I don't know.

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