Dina: Just checking over your new hire forms. American citizen. Nice. [chuckles] No dependents. Me neither, unless you count my birds. [both laugh] It just doesn't say anywhere on here if you've got a girlfriend.
Jonah: I didn't... is there a space for that?
Dina: There's this section here: "Is there anything else we should know?" Some people like to volunteer it.
Jonah: Oh. Um... then also no.
Dina: No.
Jonah: No.
Dina: Okay, well, I will just jot that down, then. But you are heterosexual, right?
Jonah: Is... are you allowed to ask that?
Dina: No. Smart.

Sandra: I can help you figure out if she's with someone. I've been monitoring her social media for months. I print out the good ones, and I put them up on a board.
Jonah: Look, it's fine. Thank you. I... It was just bugging me, you know? Like when you get a tune stuck in your head, and you can't remember what the song is. It's no big deal. Um, have you been monitoring all of our social media?
Sandra: Yep, I even know about everyone's fake accounts.
Jonah: Huh. People have fake accounts? That's weird.
Sandra: Is it, Scott McPhee? Who only follows organic farms and influencer underwear ladies.

Garrett: Okay, just keep it simple. Take him out to a nice dinner.
Dina: I don't even know what a nice dinner is. Is it a hot soup followed by a cold soup? Is it a place that gives you bread? Is it a place that wants you to bring your own bread?
Garrett: What are you talking about? You've had dinner before.
Dina: Not as a girlfriend!
Garrett: It's very similar!

Dina: You don't even have to give money to make a difference. I donate my hair to chemo patients.
Cheyenne: Don't you have to grow your hair really long?
Dina: No, anytime I get a trim, I just sweep it into an envelope and mail it to the hospital.
Amy: You send them tiny bits of your hair? What do they do with that?
Dina: Whatever they want, Amy. It's their hair now.
Glenn: Aww.

Dina: Listen, technology has been taking jobs for years. Think about what happened with bank tellers and ATM machines.
Jonah: It's just ATMs.
Dina: Exactly. It's only ATM machines now.
Jonah: No, you don't need the "machines."
Dina: Nobody needs the machines, but it makes our lives easier.

Marcus: I had just deuced in the shower.
Isaac: Ugh.
Cheyenne: Ugh.
Amy: Why?
Marcus: Okay, right, when you guys are in the shower and you have to go, you just hold it.
Amy: Yes. Yeah. That's what you do when it's a number two.
Marcus: Sure, so you don't poop in the shower every morning and stamp it down the drain with your feet? [Justine gags]
Isaac: Oh, my God.
Marcus: Okay, whatever. Screw you, snowflakes. Bunch of princesses.

Dina: You know that we're liable for any assaults that take place tonight, right?
Glenn: I-
Dina: [to Cheyenne] Now, you need to set up in the very center of the floor, okay? We need to keep the hotties in the middle, make them harder to get to. That's how wolves protect their hottest wolves.
Cheyenne: Okay.
Dina: Listen, I'm gonna do everything in my power to make sure you make it through the night alive, okay?
Cheyenne: Oh, all right, thanks, Dina.
Dina: You know, we should really tie bells to some of the creeps so we can hear them coming.

Dina: All the best wars are fought against someone.
Amy: That feels random.
Jonah: All wars are fought against someone.
Dina: Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
Jonah: No, I'm saying "all" wars.
Dina: Yeah, all the best wars.
Jonah: What are the best wars?
Dina: 1812, WWI, WWII, French Indy.
Amy: Although, if they started trash talking us first...
Jonah: Okay, what wars are you not fighting against someone?
Dina: War against poverty, war against drugs. Boom. Don't come at me.

Garrett: I think Glenn's kid is getting hungry. Do we have any more of that formula?
Dina: She doesn't drink formula, she's still on breast-milk. I've been pumping and selling it to Glenn for a dollar an ounce. It's Iranian saffron prices.

Amy: Sorry, you think that a bath bomb is the answer to all of my problems?
Glenn: It's not a real bomb, and-
Amy: Just kill yourself!
Glenn: What?
Amy: Kill yourself!
Glenn: Amy-
Amy: No, you don't get to talk right now! I am so tired! I have slept 90 minutes in three days. The lining of my uterus is coming out in clumps. I have hemorrhoids so big that my doctor looked at my [bleep] and said "Whoa!" Have you ever had a doctor look at your [bleep] and say that?
Glenn: [softly] No.
Amy: I am wearing frozen diapers so that my [bleep] doesn't fall out. Okay?!
Glenn: I know, I was just-
Amy: Why haven't you killed yourself?!