Kelly: There, see, plenty of space. You got room for the couch, and there's the coffee table, and here's your beat up bookcase.
Jonah: Oh, that's not beat up. That's reclaimed wood.
Kelly: Uh, well, the point is, everything fits.
Jonah: Mmm, it does feel spacious.
Kelly: Yeah.
Jonah: But it's misleading. We don't just live like this. [gestures horizontally] We live like this. [gestures vertically]
Kelly: What is happening? I don't think I live like that.
Jonah: Two-dimensionally, this is fine. We need to go 3-D.
Kelly: You can't just imagine?
Jonah: 3-D.
Kelly: 3-D.

Glenn: Thank you for coming in, Jeff. [raises chair] That's more comfortable. Um, I wanted to have a sit down with you, so that we could go over the rules of the game.
Jeff: What game?
Glenn: Okay, look. Let's not insult each other, all right? If you respect me, I'll respect you. But if you start trying to pooch my people, then we are going to have a problem.
Jeff: Pooch? Did you mean "poach"?
Glenn: Don't- Don't play dumb with me!
Jeff: Okay, Glenn. Not sure what you're trying to do, but you don't have to intimidate me.
Glenn: No, you don't tell me what to do, okay? Because you're not my boss anymore. You're just another schmo, like me, down here in the dirt with the rest of us. Yeah. [gruff voice] You don't like it, do you? Down here in the dirt. Well here, let me clean you up.
Jeff: What, don't do that.
Glenn: [sprays water] Well, then stop trying to steal my people.
Jeff: Hey, I'm not trying to steal your people. Stop spraying me with the bottle.
Glenn: Liar, liar.
Jeff: Stop spraying me with the bottle, I'm not lying!
Glenn: Mmm.
Jeff: One more time. Spray me one more time. [Glenn adjusts the nozzle and squirts water at Jeff] You want to poach? Let's poach. [exits]
Glenn: What, no, I don't want to poach. That's what this was all about. Were you even listening to what I was saying?

Jeff: Attention, everyone. Who here would like to come with me, and join the Target family?
Mateo: Jeff, what are you doing?
Glenn: No, no, no, you leave my people alone.
Jeff: Or you'll do what? I told you, if I want your people, I'll take them.
Mateo: You hate most of the people who work here. You talk about it all the time.
Jeff: Yes, I'm mainly doing it out of spite. Who wants to join?

Jeff: Listen, Target is a better store.
Glenn: [sings] ♪ Cantaloupe on fence post ♪
Jeff: It's clearer, it's more fun.
Glenn: [sings] ♪ Horses in the barn ♪ Come on!
Jeff: They have better products. They treat their people better.
Glenn: ♪ Flapjacks on the table ♪
Jeff: They're better customers.
Glenn: ♪ Grandpa singing a yarn ♪
Jeff: They have a better location. It's generally just a very cool store.
Garrett: Good arguments on both sides. Why don't we all just go home, and think about it overnight?

Sandra: I'll go with you, Jeff. And I promise to keep it professional.
Jeff: Well, technically, it was always professional, except for in your... You know what, whatever, fine.

Glenn: Sandra, he doesn't really want you. He's just upset because Garrett wouldn't go with him.
Garrett: Yeah, that's right. And I'm staying, Jeff. So, sorry.
Glenn: Ha, you just lost Garrett. Enjoy your Garrett-less store.
Jeff: Fine. He's incompetent, anyhow.
Garrett: Hold up, I'm not incompetent. I just don't try.

Amy: A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L.
Alex: Your improv skills are really impressive.
Amy: Thank you.
Alex: You sure you're not into him? He seems wise.
Amy: Ah.
Alex: Like the kind of guy that has a lot of information about the early days of cars.
Amy: Oh, ha, okay. You've got jokes. Well, I am upset about how much movie tickets cost me these days, so maybe I could take advantage of his senior discount.
Alex: Well, if you're not going to go for him, I might take a shot. Don't laugh, they're watching.
Amy: Oh! [clears throat] Um, what do we talk about now?

Glenn: If Jeff is going to pooch our people, well I say let's see how he likes it when we pooch his.
Garrett: Yeah, I'll show him how incompetent I am at taking his employees.
Glenn: What?
Garrett: Well, Jeff said that I was being incompetent, so it was kind of like wordplay. Man, never mind, sorry. Forcing it.
Glenn: All right, well, let's see who's going to want to leave this dump. Wow, it's really nice in here. Wow, the red's so lively. It really pops.

Glenn: Did you know that Cloud 9 employees get a 5% discount on anything in the store?
Woman: Cool, ours is actually higher than that.
Glenn: Well, yeah, but if you worked there, you'd have a shorter commute.
Woman: Um, you don't know where I live.
Glenn: Well, you can tell me on your first day, then.

Glenn: How would you like to work at the Cloud 9 on Ozark Highlands? Hum? Heavenly shopping, down to Earth prices?
Man: Isn't that the store where they found a foot?
Glenn: Yeah, it's one of the Cloud 9 stores where a foot was found, yes.
Garrett: Welcome aboard.