Waiter: Dessert?
Glenn: Uh, do you have a Mexican version of a churro?
Waiter: Um, I think we can put something together for you.

Garrett: Well, this has escalated.
Amy: I-I just feel like there's gotta be something that tells us who she is, like a stack of mail with an address on it, or... or... or... or like a... a car with a license plate, and we can run the plate.
Garrett: Okay, explain to me the process by which we would run a plate.
Amy: We would call someone on the force.
Garrett: The force?
Amy: Yes, that is what people call it.

Glenn: Um... I'll have a hot dog.
Waiter: Sorry, we don't have hot dogs.
Glenn: Cheeseburger then.
Waiter: We only really serve Mexican food.
Glenn: One Mexican cheeseburger.
Jonah: We'll have two beef quesadillas, please.
Waiter: You got it.
Glenn: Quesadilla?
Jonah: Mm-hmm.
Glenn: Quesadilla.

Jonah: You know what, I don't know. It's... it's really nice to get to know each other outside of work.
Glenn: Exactly. Ask me anything.
Jonah: Uh, okay. Where were you born?
Glenn: Kansas City.
Jonah: Oh.
Glenn: Do Jewish people like snow?
Jonah: Um... some of us.
Glenn: Wow.
Jonah: Yeah.
Glenn: Your turn.
Jonah: Uh, do you have any siblings?
Glenn: Oh, what a strange question. Um, yeah, four. Uh, what's the biggest dog you've ever seen, and why?

Mateo: Hey, Myrtle. You've been here for 30 years?
Myrtle: Yep.
Mateo: Okay, how much money have you saved?
Myrtle: Almost $900. I'm almost ready to head on out to California.

Glenn: Okay, moving on. Uh, today, we're gonna be spring cleaning, which is gonna be buckets of fun.
Jonah: [chuckles] What? That's... that was funny.
Garrett: No, it wasn't.
Amy: Literally nobody laughed, except for you.
Dina: It's barely even wordplay. He just said buckets, and held up a bucket.
Glenn: It's called prop comedy, Dina.

Mateo: You're just kissing up to him, 'cause you're dating his daughter.
Jonah: That's not true at all. In fact, just this morning, Kristen said she respects how much I don't kiss up.
Glenn: Where did you see Kristen this morning?
Jonah: Hm? We, uh, met for breakfast.
Garrett: Wait, I'm confused, 'cause it's 6:30 right now. So does that mean you got up and drove from your house, and she got up and drove from her house to meet for breakfast before 6:00 a.m.?
Jonah: That's what happened.
Amy: And what restaurant is open at, like, 4:00 in the morning?
Jonah: It was a gas station.
Dina: Gas station breakfast usually starts at 6:00. Was this BP or Mobil?
Jonah: Oh, I don't- I don't remember.
Bo: Nah, fools, they're banging. You know what I'm saying? He's getting a little breakfast action. [desk rattles] Yeah.

Jonah: Hey, Glenn.
Glenn: Oh.
Jonah: Brought you a cup of Joe. [off Glenn's look] Coffee... cup of Joe. You've never heard that expression before?
Glenn: No, why wouldn't you just say coffee?
Jonah: I don't know. Uh, it's more fun?
Glenn: Oh... Oh, okay.

Jonah: You know what, actually, uh, I-I think we should probably head back. My break just ended five minutes ago.
Glenn: Oh.
Jonah: Yeah.
Glenn: Well, why don't we call the boss? Hello, Glenn, it's Glenn. Can Jonah have an extra long lunch? What, he can? That's great. You're the best. Bye. [to the waiter] I'm Glenn... same Glenn. I mean, I'm both Glenns.
Waiter: Oh, okay.
Jonah: Yeah, you know, Glenn, I-I appreciate it, but if... if you make an exception for me, and then the other associates notice, they're probably gonna get jealous, and it'll get weird, so...
Glenn: I didn't think of it like that.
Jonah: I know. If I could, I would hang out all day, but, you know, life.
Glenn: Yeah, life. I'll get the check.
Jonah: All right.
Glenn: Excuse me, sir, do you take American dollars here?

Garrett: Look, I am all for wasting time on useless activities, but this is entering Carol territory.
Amy: Look at that kitchen, Garrett. That's like a... a million dollar kitchen. Aren't you the least bit curious about how someone who used to work here ended up in a house like that?
Garrett: Is that a solid oak table?
Amy: Looks like a solid oak table.
Garrett: And a French press.
Amy: That is a French press. Do you know how much disposable time you need to make French press coffee? Too much.
Garrett: We're gonna need to make these a lot bigger.
Amy: Yes.