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Shots and Salsa

‘Shots and Salsa’

Season 1, Episode 3 -  Aired December 28, 2015

Amy is offended when an employee adopts a stereotypical Mexican accent to try sell a new salsa. Jonah regrets offering a helping hand to the store pharmacist.

Quote from Garrett

Garrett: Told you. That's what happens when you try to help people out. [gestures]
Jonah: What is that? What are you doing?
Garrett: That's quicksand. I'm dating this girl. She teaches sign language. This is quicksand, and this is you drowning in it. "Oh, I'm trying to help. I'm building houses for poor people!"


Quote from Jonah

Old Woman: Excuse me. Do you know how much longer this is going to take? I don't know how long I can keep standing.
Jonah: Uh...
[Garrett gestures for Jonah not to intervene]
Jonah: You know what, young lady? I'm sure there's a way that we can help you out. Right this way.
Old Woman: Thank you! Such a gentleman.
Man: Hey, why does she get to cut?
Old Woman: Because white people help their own.

Quote from Mateo

Glenn: We also need to remember that helping people just because they're white is almost as bad as discriminating against them if they're not white.
Garrett: It's exactly as bad.
Glenn: Well, he was still helping.
Jonah: I was helping that lady because she was old, not because she was white.
Mateo: Ageism is just as racist as racism.
Jonah: That seems untrue.
Mateo: It is very true, Jonah.

Quote from Sandra

Glenn: Okay, well, I think we can all go back to work, um, unless anyone wants to file an official complaint of racial bias? [Sandra raises her hand] Sandra?
Sandra: I often feel uncomfortable in the stock room. There's a man there, Sal, who makes comments about my breasts.
Dina: Yeah, okay, what you're talking about is sexual harassment, and that's a whole other video.
Sandra: Okay. It's just that sometimes he calls me at home.
Dina: Yeah, we're not gonna watch another video, Sandra.
Sandra: Okay. Sorry.

Quote from Glenn

Glenn: I think this one is good for "tar-tar." "Tar-tar."
Man: Nope, it's "tartar." Tartar, tartar, tartar, tartar. I... it's all just sounding like gibberish.
Glenn: But um, let me just take a run up on it. Um, I like my fish with "tar-tar" sauce. It's still weird.
Man: No.

Quote from Amy

Woman: Is it similar to what you would eat in your village?
Amy: [Mexican accent] Si. Si, si, si. Es muy autentica. It is just like the salsa my mother would make in a bowl made from a giant rock.
Woman: You must have enjoyed many fiestas growing up. Where are you from?
Amy: Um...
Mateo: My sister and I grew up in a small village near the banks of the Rio Grande.
All: Ooh!
Amy: Jose. Gracias, Jose.
Woman: There's two of them.

Quote from Garrett

Garrett: [over PA] Attention, shoppers, it is 2:00. All associates working the morning shift, it is time for you to leave.
[Jonah backs away from the angry customers at the pharmacy]
Man: Where you going? We're not finished here! We are not finished!
Garrett: If you are leaving, I hope you learned that no good deed goes unpunished, but, also, no matter how bad a day you had, at the end of your shift you get to clock out and leave the job at the door. Anyway, this does not pertain to most of you, so green beans are on sale for 89c.

Quote from Glenn

Glenn: All right, I like this. When I say cloud, you say nine. Cloud.
All: Nine.
Glenn: Cloud.
All: Nine.
Glenn: When I say team, you say work. Team!
All: Work.
Glenn: Team.
All: Work.
Garrett: Are we cloud one?
All: No!
Glenn: Are we cloud two?
All: No!
Glenn: Are we cloud three?
All: No!
Glenn: Are we cloud...
Jonah: This chant seems a little on the long side.
Garrett: Gets longer every year.
Amy: When I first started here, we would just put our hands in the middle and go, "Yay."
All: No!
Glenn: Are we Cloud 9?
All: Yeah!
Glenn: Yeah!

Quote from Glenn

[Customers are gathering outside, looking through the doors at Glenn leading the chant]
Glenn: Yeah! The customer's always right.
All: Oh, yeah!
Glenn: They are not wrong.
All: Oh, yeah!
Glenn: And that is why.
All: Oh, yeah!
Glenn: We sing this song.
All: Oh, yeah!
Glenn: We are!
All: Cloud 9.
Glenn: We are Cloud 9. Eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one! Blast off! [all cheer] Now give me a "C"!
All: C!

Quote from Mateo

Man: Now, just walk me through some of the features on some of these guys. 'Cause a lot of 'em are saying they do plaque control. My concern, specifically, is tartar.
Mateo: Okay, well, um...
Man: I'm a bit of a tartar guy. Yeah, my hygienist told me she'd never seen someone with so much tartar. I thought that was a good thing. Um, it's not. [exhales deeply]
Mateo: Oh.

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