Carol: [scanner beeps] Ah, Kim, you suck! American Sniper, baby!
Mateo: Why does she scream American Sniper every time she hits somebody? It makes it so much worse.

Cheyenne: How are we supposed to get her in there?
Garrett: [scoffs] If this was the real world, I'd just chuck a grenade in there.
Mateo: And by real world, you're talking about?
Garrett: Call of Duty.

Janet: So how many hours are we all going to lose?
Amy: Um, you know, I can't say exactly right now. I'm still working on the schedule.
Dina: We do know we'll have at least one tall and one skinny per shift. That way, we retain access to high shelves and crawl spaces.
Janet: Well, I need all the hours I can get. I just signed my son up for some STEM program I can barely afford.
Dina: STEM?
Janet: Science, technology, um, energy. I don't know. Nerd stuff. I would hate having to take that away from him. It would break his little heart.
Amy: Hmm. Yeah.
Janet: Please don't make me break his little heart.

Garrett: [over PA] Jonah Simms, please come to Health and Beauty. Jonah Simms, you're needed in Health and Beauty.
Jonah: [over PA] This is Jonah Simms. What exactly am I needed for?
Garrett: Uh, customer has a question about Wet N Wild dry shampoo.
Jonah: I'm sure someone over there can help the customer.
Garrett: You know what? He asked for you specifically. They said you had great hair.
Jonah: Please tell the customer thank you, but it's genetic.
Garrett: I think, uh, they would prefer to hear that from you in person, and also, he wants to talk about the This American Life podcast.
Jonah: Uh, and I'd love to do just that, so perhaps you could bring the customer over here.
Garrett: Glenn Sturgis, please come to Health and Beauty. Glenn Sturgis, please come to Health and Beauty.
Glenn: I'm on my way!
Jonah: No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Glenn, Glenn, no, no, no, no.

Janet: You're giving her more hours? My son is crying in the cafe right now because he can't go to Nerd Camp.
Dina: Fine, I'll give you both more hours, okay?

Amy: The customer can type in what they're looking for. This will tell them where in the store to find it. They can scan it themselves, swipe their credit card, and leave the store.
Garrett: So basically, these scanners are gonna make us obsolete.
Glenn: This is it! The robots are coming for our jobs.
Sandra: Are the scanners gonna be listening to everything we say like our phones do?
Cheyenne: Our phones do that?
Marcus: Absolutely. Last week, I was talking a lot about penis enlargement. Now it's, like, every ad I see.

Garrett: It just scanned that toaster.
Jonah: From here?
Mateo: Ooh, try aiming for the Breton three-quarter sleeve.
Garrett: The what?
Mateo: The Breton? The boat neck poly blend?
Garrett: Come on, man.
Mateo: [scoffs] Sorry, straight men. The black and white shirt over there.
Garrett: Oh. [scanner beeps] Got it.
Jonah: That's unbelievable.

Garrett: All right, guys, it's dodgeball rules, which means if you're hit, you're eliminated. First team to eliminate the other team wins. Any questions?
Cheyenne: Uh, yeah, did Jonah put all the white people on one team on purpose?
Jonah: Oh, um, no. That was just an accident.
Mateo: Oh, a happy accident?
Jonah: I never said happy.
Earl: I heard you say happy.
Sandra: I think these teams are fine.
Carol: No one asked what you think, Sandra.
Cheyenne: Oh, my God. Can we just play?
Jonah: Yes, thank you. Okay, two minute grace period to disperse, and then the game begins. Good luck.
Myrtle: Let's go, white people!

Marcus: Hey, Amy, I've only worked two hours today, and now I'm supposed to go home? How is that fair?
Amy: Um, I don't know. I didn't make the schedule. Dina did. Dina, um, is there anything you could do for Marcus?
Marcus: I really need the money. My finances are a little complicated right now.
Dina: Afraid not. My hands are tied. [giggles] Sorry, I just realized "frayed knot" super solid rope pun. I've got to use that on purpose some time.

Mateo: Marcus?
Marcus: Whoa! Hey, Mateo.
Mateo: What are you doing here?
Marcus: Oh, just got, uh, sent home early.
Mateo: Are you living here?
Marcus: What, like some homeless person? [giggles] No, no! God, no. I- I- I sleep here. I live in my car.
Mateo: Oh.