Jonah Quote #403
Quote from Jonah in #Cloud9Fail
Jonah: What do we think happened here?
Amy: Overdose?
Jonah: Ah, Bob didn't even drink. His wife's been flirting with that tennis pro over in Fitness with the big arms and no head. I'd start there.
Amy: I swear, it's like every time we solve one problem, another one pops up. I feel like I'm playing Whac-A-Mole. That can't still be a game, can it? With the hitting animals? Never mind.
Jonah: We're just too understaffed.
Amy: Yeah. No, I-I know. I keep telling corporate, but they just don't believe me.
Jonah: Yeah, because every time they cut hours, we push ourselves even harder to make it work, which they think just proves we never needed the hours to begin with, and so they just keep cutting and cutting until something like this happens.
Amy: Poor guy.
Jonah: He had kids.
Amy: He had kids?
Jonah: Yeah. They've been playing soccer over in Toys and Games for the last three months.
Superstore Quotes
‘#Cloud9Fail’ Quotes
Quote from Dina
Dina: Hey, so, random I was going through some old security footage with Luanne.
Garrett: Yeah?
Dina: And you remember how we used to have those security cameras in the break room? Well, we came across the time you let all my birds escape.
Garrett: Uh... yeah. Um...
Dina: [chuckles] Remember that? Remember? It was Valentine's Day. Remember? I was blaming myself for it, and then when I was at my lowest, you had sex with me, knowing that, hours before, you were the one that let them out. And you knew the entire time. And yet, you said nothing. Remember that? [laughs] So funny.
Garrett: Dina, I'm so, so sorry.
Dina: Hey, come on. Don't even worry about it. I forgive you. When you think about it, this whole thing is just funny. Hey, come with me. I want to show you something.
[cut to Dina and Garrett at the loading dock in front of a burning pile of sneakers:]
Dina: They went up so fast, it's like they wanted to burn. [chuckles] What's that sound? Is that air escaping from the sneakers? [chuckles] It almost sounds like they're screaming. [chuckles] [whispers menacingly] I will never forgive you... ever.
Quote from Cheyenne
Cheyenne: If you're looking for an electric toothbrush, I'd suggest the Dentafix 100.
Man: It looks used.
Cheyenne: What? Who would sell a used toothbrush? We wouldn't sell that.
Mateo: This is the newest trend in oral hygiene. You want a brush that's pre-distressed, like a nice pair of jeans.
Cheyenne: A friend of mine got one of the old models with the straight, white bristles. Tore her gums to shreds. She had to get new ones from a dead body.
Quote from Jonah
Dina: "Just a normal day in America, #Cloud9Fail." Unbelievable.
Amy: What's going on here?
Dina: Uh, more people are posting photos of the store.
Jonah: You're kidding me.
Amy: This store?
Glenn: "Cloud 9 is looking a little bit cattywampus"? What does "cattywampus" mean?
Jonah: Uh, cattywampus is, I believe, regional slang for, uh, like, "all messed up." You know, I think the they use it in Arkansas. Oh, yep, there you go right there petiteroche22, that that just that means "Little Rock" in French.
Justine: Whoa.