Woman: [on the phone] I'm sorry, the company doesn't consider pregnancy a disability.
Amy: No, I'm not asking for disability. I just need to reduce my hours because my doctor says I have to stay off my feet.
Glenn: Yeah, her feet are really swollen. You know when you open a can of Pillsbury crescent rolls and the dough just kind of bursts through? Well, it's like that only with feet and toes.

Dina: What the hell was that?
Garrett: This same song keeps playing over and over again, and it's starting to drive me crazy.
Dina: Oh, I like hearing the same song. You always know what you're getting, no surprises. My workout mix is just 12 tracks of Billy Joel's "For the Longest Time." Well, that's on leg days. On arm days it's "Scenes From an Italian Restaurant."

Garrett: [over PA] Attention Cloud 9 shoppers, I do not have an announcement, but as long as I am talking I am not listening, so just gotta keep talking. Uh, save 30% off roach gel. Stop roaches in their tracks. Except you can never really stop them, can you? They'll just keep coming and coming, invading your mind in an endless loop. [imitating child] Are we there yet, Daddy? [As Dad] Sorry, son, the hell ride, it lasts forever. It's buy one, get one free on peas.