Dina: Didn't you get my text? The implantation worked. I'm pregnant. [Glenn gasps] Or preggers, as my horrid niece would say, trying to make herself sound like she has a personality.
Glenn: That's the most beautiful, magical thing anyone has ever said to me.
Sandra: [sobs] I'm just so happy for you.
Glenn: Thank you.
Dina: No, I am sure I texted you. It was like a week ago. I see what happened. Texted the wrong Glen. "Sorry, pregnant with Glenn with two Ns. LOL." My mechanic.

Glenn: I just don't get how murdering people is considered fun. I mean, what happened to all those innocent games? You know, like Frogger, and Qbert, and Donkey Kong.
Garrett: Innocent? Qbert is about a big-nosed, creepily little freak that commits suicide when things get hard.
Jonah: Frogger is basically a frog Holocaust.
Myrtle: I remember a glitch in the original Donkey Kong where it looks like the ape has a penis.

Sandra: Sometimes when I'm playing The Sims, I give myself a family.
Mateo: Jesus Christ.