Jonah Quote #131

Quote from Jonah in Seasonal Help

Garrett: 'Ello, 'ello, 'ello, Mr. Jonah.
Jonah: Hey.
Garrett: Looks like you won.
Jonah: What?
Garrett: Your buddy Rashface? He found a used condom in the dressing room and just walked out the store. Congratulations.
Jonah: Wow, that's great. That's... I mean, that's really... that's too bad about his job, but, uh, I had a feeling about that guy. You know, just... just, like, a really... a really good feeling.
Garrett: Okay, well, enjoy that two bucks.
Jonah: Oh, yeah, I'm gonna. [chuckles] Hey, uh, you know what? We should... we should do another round. What do you say?
Garrett: Okay, sure.
Jonah: Yeah, yeah, just, like, uh... just get some more people involved, you know, raise the stakes. Oh! Oh, hey! Uh, we should do a pool. I won.


 ‘Seasonal Help’ Quotes

Quote from Dina

Jonah: Yeah, I... I shouldn't gamble. I used to get a little carried away.
Garrett: [British accent] Oh, I'm Jonah. I'm too proper to gamble. Where's me monocle?
Dina: Mm-kay. [Russian accent] Oh, Hi, I'm Jonah. I eat macadamia nuts out of jar inside of other jar. [normal voice] Right?
Garrett: No, what? No, not "right." What was that?
Jonah: Okay, all right, I'll take the... the one with the dermatological...
Garrett: Rashface?
Jonah: Rashface. I'll take one buck on Rashface.
Dina: [Russian accent] Da! One ruble from fur hat for glory of Soviet Union!
Garrett: What are you doing? He's not Russian.
Dina: Yeah, well, he's not British either.

Quote from Jonah

Jonah: 20 bucks on Isaac the Ginger Giant.
Garrett: Man, this is intense. I didn't even know we sold dry erase boards this big.
Jonah: Bought it at a different store. Who's next?
Cheyenne: So we just pick one?
Jonah: It's a pari-mutuel betting pool with live odds, no rake, and I'm open to exotic bets, okay? You know, exactas, trifectas, quadrellas, or "quaddies."
Garrett: Or we could all just pick one.
Cheyenne: Pick one, nice.
Jonah: Fine, so whoever's temp quits first takes the pot? Okay, cool. I mean, I... I worked out all the odds, I guess, for nothing. But I had fun doing it, so good times. Who's next?

 Jonah Simms Quotes

Quote from Health Fund

Amy: Okay, so in the first four hours, you've managed to commit us to $37,000.
Jonah: The claims just kept coming, and, you know, it's like that opening in Star Wars where the words zoom past you. And at first it's cool, but eventually you just can't keep up.
Amy: Wait, Sandra alone has asthma, rheumatoid arthritis, sciatica, fibromyalgia, leaky gut syndrome... This just keeps going.
Jonah: We just got to keep signing people up. That's all, okay? If we get everybody in the backroom to sign up then that will pay for these people. And then we can go to other branches and then that will pay for the backroom...
Amy: [gasps] This is a pyramid scheme.

Quote from Election Day

Jonah: Not to put my head in the lion's mouth, but now I'm thinking Times New Roman.
Amy: [sighs] Times New Roman would be a fine font, Jonah, and so would Helvetica and Garamond, and really any font would be just fine.
Jonah: Not Wingdings.
Amy: No one was suggesting Wingdings.