Jonah Quote #342
Quote from Jonah in Maternity Leave
Garrett: Oh, look at that. Putting the products back on the shelf without punching or kicking them. You're way ahead of the other seasonals.
Lonnie: Thank you, thank you. My parents will be so proud.
Jonah: Yeah. [chuckles]
Lonnie: You guys mind if I take five? Just gotta pee.
Jonah: Oh, yeah, go for it.
Garrett: See you soon, man.
Lonnie: Thanks. [walks away]
Jonah: I like him.
Garrett: I really like him.
Jonah: You know what? It just goes to show you put in the work, you kiss a bunch of frogs, eventually you're gonna find your prince. Lonnie is our prince.
Garrett: Yeah. You know what? I was gonna go needle in a haystack, but I'm in such a good mood, I'll go along with your metaphor. [crowd clamoring] [without turning around] Lonnie's urinating on the floor.
Jonah: Yeah, that is what's happening.
Superstore Quotes
‘Maternity Leave’ Quotes
Quote from Amy
Amy: Sorry, you think that a bath bomb is the answer to all of my problems?
Glenn: It's not a real bomb, and-
Amy: Just kill yourself!
Glenn: What?
Amy: Kill yourself!
Glenn: Amy-
Amy: No, you don't get to talk right now! I am so tired! I have slept 90 minutes in three days. The lining of my uterus is coming out in clumps. I have hemorrhoids so big that my doctor looked at my [bleep] and said "Whoa!" Have you ever had a doctor look at your [bleep] and say that?
Glenn: [softly] No.
Amy: I am wearing frozen diapers so that my [bleep] doesn't fall out. Okay?!
Glenn: I know, I was just-
Amy: Why haven't you killed yourself?!
Quote from Cheyenne
Mateo: As you know, we love the name Parker.
Cheyenne: Ugh, love it so much. And we found out a few fun, interesting facts that we thought you might want to know.
Amy: Mmm-hmm.
Cheyenne: Did you know that the name Parker literally translates to "park keeper," so in other words, a homeless person.
Mateo: Sleep on the streets.
Amy: I don't know that anybody's making that connection.
Mateo: Not to your face they won't.
Cheyenne: The name Parker also brings to mind the snobby, rich, evil character in an '80s movie.
Mateo: Hey, nerds. I'm Parker. And I'm gonna throw you guys in a Dumpster.
Cheyenne: Yeah. But Mateo, what about Parker Posey?
Quote from Sayid
Sayid: I hate to complain, but that machine is so noisy. I'll feel like I'm praying on the wings of an airplane.
Amy: Well, there's no volume button, so...
Sayid: It's just that when I make my-
Amy: This is the sound it makes, Sayid!
Sayid: Okay. Okay.