TV Quotes

Garrett: Ooh, cool move, cowboy.
Glenn: What, this? I was born with a drill in my hand. My family used to own a hardware store. Sturgis and Sons?
Jonah: Oh.
Glenn: Yeah, for 59 years, the name "Sturgis" was synonymous with tools. Well, until Cloud 9 moved in up the street, and then a month later, we lost everything. Hey, has anyone seen the laser level?
Jonah: Doesn't it make you a little angry to be working for them?
Glenn: Oh, I don't waste my time with anger. [hammers]
Garrett: Oh.
Glenn: [chuckles] Look at that. I hit my finger.
Jonah: That looked pretty serious.

Glenn: I think it was on one of these memos from corporate. Here. [sighs] "Union buzzwords."
Dina: "How to spot a union."
Glenn: "Anti-union activity."
Dina: "What to do if you hear the word 'union.'"
Glenn: "Reporting union activity." "List of toxic food recalls"? I don't remember doing any food recalls. [Dina gasps] What?
Dina: "Addendum of policy changes to employee handbook... Relationships between supervisors and subordinates no longer forbidden, now just strongly discouraged."
Glenn: Yeah, words. Oh, here it is. "Please detach the accompanying card and keep in a safe place." And, look, I wrote, "Like in your car," and then I underlined "car." Oh, that means it's just outsi... Oh.

Jonah: It wasn't why I was doing it, but I really tapped into something here. These guys are really freaked out about the acquisition.
Amy: Yeah, everybody's freaked out. It's a freaky time. Just tell 'em to take it down and get back to work.
Jonah: Ah, but that'd kinda just be like a Band-Aid, wouldn't it?
Amy: Yeah, Band-Aids heal things. Why does everybody hate Band-Aids?

Amy: Sorry, you think that a bath bomb is the answer to all of my problems?
Glenn: It's not a real bomb, and-
Amy: Just kill yourself!
Glenn: What?
Amy: Kill yourself!
Glenn: Amy-
Amy: No, you don't get to talk right now! I am so tired! I have slept 90 minutes in three days. The lining of my uterus is coming out in clumps. I have hemorrhoids so big that my doctor looked at my [bleep] and said "Whoa!" Have you ever had a doctor look at your [bleep] and say that?
Glenn: [softly] No.
Amy: I am wearing frozen diapers so that my [bleep] doesn't fall out. Okay?!
Glenn: I know, I was just-
Amy: Why haven't you killed yourself?!