Amy: Okay, Cheyenne, Sandra, you're serving our St. Patrick's Day specialty snacks...
Mateo: Amy, sorry to interrupt, but I think some pooping is happening your way.
Amy: Yeah, I know. I'll change him soon.
Mateo: Oh, okay. We're just supposed to ignore the human feces in the room.
Dina: She wants him to sit in it. Teach him a lesson.

Dina: Mateo, could you give me a hand? It's a dating thing, and you're the only person here in a functional relationship. [Justine exhales] Justine, I'm gonna stop you right there. Just because you send money to a man in Ghana does not make him your boyfriend.
Justine: Relationship status... "it's complicated."
Dina: It's really not.

Mateo: Yeah, I'll help. Anything to keep looking busy. Otherwise Amy's gonna ask me to walk her baby or whatever.

Garrett: [over PA] Happy St. Patrick's Day, shoppers. Corned beef and cabbage are 20% off. If you're dying to impress your friends with wet meat, now's the time.

Dina: Look at her grip that block. Confidence of a gladiator. It's impressive my amniotic fluid managed to offset all that Sturgis DNA.
Glenn: Well, you watch her pinken in the sun and tell me that she's not full Sturgis.

Sandra: It says "anticonvulsants can cause a false positive in a pregnancy test." Maybe Amy was taking those.
Cheyenne: She must have been. I've never seen her convulse, like, ever. But wait, she also looked really pregnant.
Sandra: Right. But maybe, she was faking it.
Cheyenne: So Adam would think it's his and have to pay them child support. That's smart. Get that beekeeping money.

Mateo: You know how I'm producing Brian's birthday? I'm trying to get a tribute band, and I need your opinion. I found this live-action version of the Beastie Boys...
Garrett: The Beastie-Boys were live-action.
Mateo: Wait, so it wasn't a cartoon where every beast played a different instrument? Well, I like my version better.
Garrett: Look, man. Dina's plan, it's insane, right?
Mateo: Oh, yeah, it's off the rails, but I'm not gonna tell her that. It's Dina. She doesn't respond well to outside input. She's like Tyler Perry.
Garrett: All right, well, she's gonna scare this guy off.
Mateo: I know, it's crazy. Someone should stop her. Besides us, I mean.

Dina: Hey, Justine, that erotic bakery you used for your birthday, are they open to putting non-nudes on a cake?
Justine: Ooh, I don't know. Probably not. It's a religious thing for them.
Dina: Got it. I'll keep looking.

Glenn: [o.s.] [sings] ♪ The wicked little children went down to the beach ♪ ♪ Learning all the naughty lessons ♪ ♪ The people there do teach ♪ We'll learn about murder ♪ While playing in the sand ♪ And we'll learn about the lying ♪ ♪ While skipping across the land ♪

Garrett: Whoa, you're destroying it? You don't need to do that.
Dina: Ah, you were right. It was a stupid idea with stupid photos. I'm... I'm not very good at this. I think I'm just gonna call the whole thing off.
Garrett: Oh, don't do that. I mean, I'm sure he wants to see you on his birthday.
Dina: No, he'll see me around. We shop for the same things. Food, soap, stamps.
Garrett: What has gotten into you? You're acting like you've never dated someone before.
Dina: Well, I haven't. Not someone I wanted to stick around. And it's his birthday, and all I have left to give him is a piñata full of condoms, and now I'm even questioning that.
Garrett: Oh, okay, well, yeah. Don't... Do not give him that.