‘New Initiative’
Season 4, Episode 7 - Aired November 15, 2018
After Cloud 9 launches a new initiative to smile and talk to customers, Dina and Garrett compete over who can keep up their sunny disposition the longest. Meanwhile, Jonah's parents, Richard (Fred Melamed) and Marilyn (Meagen Fay) visit the store.
Quote from Sayid
Sayid: Are we doing announcements? I lost my favorite pen. It's a blue pen. The ink is also blue.
Mateo: Click or cap?
Sayid: Click.
Justine: On it.
Quote from Mateo
Mateo: Ugh. I hate making small talk with old people. It's always a two-hour fiasco about their children or what race they're worried about getting robbed by.
Amy: It's so weird how they always have the most time to talk, and yet, the least time to live.
Mateo: Mm.
Quote from Jonah
Jonah: Ah, that is a fantastic drill you're looking at.
Man: Yeah. What's the difference between this one and the F590?
Jonah: Uh, you know, well, they they both have their pros and cons. You know, this one is red, so that's a plus if you like red. It also drills, like, super deep holes. Uh, or... Or less deep, you know, if you just don't push it in all the way.
Quote from Garrett
Man: Hi, I need to return this. It was a anniversary present for my wife, but I don't need it anymore.
Garrett: [murmurs cheerily] Oh, you know what? We don't take back engraved jewelry. Sorry.
Man: Is there anything you can do? It was really expensive, and now I've got to pay for a divorce and I don't have a job anymore because her new boyfriend is my now-ex-boss.
Garrett: [continues smiling] Yikes, that's rough.
Man: It's not funny. I'm going through hell. My life is literally hell.
Garrett: Hey, man, I don't think it's funny, I'm just in this contest-
Man: Yeah, screw you!
Woman: Um... [voice shaking] I don't need this dog collar anymore.
Garrett: Did he grow out of it?
Woman: [tearfully] Mm-mm.
Quote from Amy
Amy: You know, actually, the more I know about your life, the more able I am to direct you to items that would assist you in your living space.
Jonah: I don't see how that's helpful.
Amy: Well, you've never worked retail, so...
Marilyn: Well, he's in medical school.
Amy: He is.
Marilyn: Mm-hmm.
Amy: So, tell me about extracurriculars. I'm thinking captain of the football team? [both chuckle]
Richard: Not exactly.
Marilyn: Just the opposite.
Amy: [laughs] Really? I would have never guessed that.
Quote from Glenn
Glenn: [to Jonah] Um, if she's doing the rats, then I need you to go clean the men's washroom. Someone did not make it to the toilet in an explosive way.
Richard: Excuse me, why are you telling him that he should clean the bathroom?
Jonah: Because I'm the one who did it, uh, and you caught me red-handed, so I'm gonna go ahead and take care of that and see you guys at home.
Glenn: Wait, do you know each other?
Marilyn: We're his parents.
Glenn: Oh. Oh, my! Oh, it's... [laughs] It's so nice to meet you. We have a lot of employees go through this store-
Amy: Glenn!
Glenn: But it has been such a pleasure-
[Amy throws a yam at Glenn which hits him in the face as he turns around]
Glenn: [yelps] Ow! Why?
Quote from Glenn
Amy: I'm sorry. You were about to give away his secret, and I didn't know how else to stop you.
Glenn: So you pegged me in the face with a yam? Why didn't you just shout, "Hey Glenn, I really need to talk to you?"
Amy: 'Cause that wouldn't have worked.
Glenn: Oh, yeah.
Quote from Glenn
Glenn: Yeah, I don't get it though. Why are you lying to your parents about working here?
Jonah: I just I didn't want to disappoint them.
Glenn: Why would your parents be disappointed about you working at Cloud 9?
Jonah: No- [stammers] I- Th- They- They- They, well-
Amy: Because they're crazy people. Their expectations are insane.
Jonah: Yeah.
Amy: They wouldn't have been happy unless he was president.
Jonah: Yeah.
Glenn: That's ridiculous. You're too short to be president. Even Jimmy Carter was 5'10".
Quote from Amy
Glenn: And why did you throw it at my face? Why didn't you just throw it at my legs or my chest?
Amy: Because it had to be the face.
Glenn: Yeah, I know. It's too bad, 'cause that really hurt.
Quote from Justine
Sandra: So you've just been lying to your parents for three years?
Justine: You're a psycho. You're, like, psychotic. It's like... [imitates Psycho music.] Psycho much?