Garrett: I talk for a living. You guys do real work. And I plan to get you paid for it.
Sandra: Well, it's about time, 'cause they've pushed us around for too long. They just kept pushing and pushing, and they're about to find out what happens when I get to the edge.
Jonah: I'm passionate, too. It just manifests differently.

Mateo: Zap and wear sweater. "Microwavable for up to nine minutes of piping-hot comfort."
Glenn: Oh.
Mateo: Easy. I'll sell the hell out of this.
Garrett: Well, Glenn, I have found your item right here.
Glenn: Oh.
Garrett: It's either a pig-shaped shoe or a shoe-shaped pig. It has a handle but no spout. This is a bad thing.
Glenn: No problem.
Mateo: Well, Garrett, you'll be working with this Tony Danza popcorn machine.
Garrett: Oh, okay, well, at least mine serves a purpose. This pops "Tony Danza brand popcorn cartridges only. Cartridges not included."

Cheyenne: Whoa, you're, like, rich-lady tense right now.
Amy: I know. I'm just trying not to worry about it, but then people just keep asking me about it, which is making me worry about it, and... [sighs] Actually, I really need to get out. Um, how about I go buy us a Christmas tree? Because this isn't one.
Dina: Great. I'll warm up the truck. Cheyenne, let's go.
Amy: No, you guys don't have to come with me.
Dina: Oh, we absolutely do. I mean, I love this girl, but she is just the kind of sucker to pay through the nose for a Douglas fir and then come back with an eastern white pine.
Cheyenne: [chuckles] It's true, Amy. You totally would.
Amy: Okay, fine, whatever. Let's just go.

Dina: This tree farm has a huge selection, so let's talk game plan. We're looking for blue-green color, conical shape, short needles. Don't be afraid to give it a few kicks. That's legally well within your right. [engine starts]
Cheyenne: What about that one?
Dina: Oh, yeah. [engine stops] That one's perfect.
Amy: What? Wait, no, no. Guys, we can't just... That's a tree! Like, a tree... tree!

Garrett: And if you have any problems, my man Tony's email is right here on the box. Check it out.
Man: Well...
Mateo: Sorry to intrude. But you have the exact same physique as my friend Chris. Would you mind trying this on?
Man: Sure. No problem.
Mateo: Thank you.
Garrett: I don't remember you ever talking about a friend named Chris.
Mateo: Oh, he just moved here. He's an archaeologist. Hmm, no. Thank you, but this is all wrong for Chris. It makes you look so muscular... And he's trying to get less attention from women... and occasionally men?
Man: Muscular? Really?
Garrett: Yeah, you know, and if you want to keep that body tight, nothing's better than a healthy snack like popcorn.
Mateo: I think he knows what he's doing with his body. I mean, have you seen the sweater? It's... Why are you taking that off?
Man: Yeah, thanks. I'm... I'm just browsing today.
Garrett: Oh, come on.
Mateo: But... No, you have to buy one of these!
Garrett: Yeah, browsing's for cowards, dude!

Amy: Eat my axe!
Cheyenne: Gross, Amy.
Dina: "Axe," Cheyenne. "Axe."
Cheyenne: Oh, that's a weird thing to say. Who wants to eat an axe?

Glenn: Excuse me, ma'am. Are you looking for a fancy way to display your pig-based sauces? Well, no look no further. Nope, you hate it. Okay, I can see that. Sorry to waste your time.
Woman: Hey, don't apologize. I get it. I work in sales myself.
Glenn: No kidding.
Woman: Well, beachfront timeshares in Fort Lauderdale pretty much sell themselves, you know? Hot tub, wraparound balcony, great views. It's the perfect vacation getaway.
Glenn: Really?
Woman: Mm-hmm.
Glenn: It must be pretty pricey, though.
Woman: You would think, but it actually turns out to be much cheaper than a hotel.
Glenn: No.
Woman: Mm-hmm.
Glenn: Okay, I-I don't want to put you out, but if I gave you my email, is there any way that I could get more information?

Sayid: I hope Jonah knows not to take the first offer, because a lot of the time, that's actually the worst one.

Janet: If I were Corporate, I'd just say no to everything. Who are you, a couple of chumps from the town dump?

Cheyenne: Ice cream cocktail? Everything frozen in Grocery is melting.
Sandra: Sure, thanks. Aren't you lactose intolerant?
Cheyenne: Yeah, it's gonna be bad. I told Bo to sleep at his mom's house tonight.