Kelly Quotes   Page 2 of 6    

Quote from Christmas Eve

Kelly: You okay?
Jonah: Huh? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Fine.
Kelly: Okay, 'cause you look a little bit like a disgruntled Keebler Elf about to shoot up the tree house.


Quote from Viral Video

Jonah: Oh, did you guys see the one with the orange?
Janet: Nuh-uh.
Jonah: Wait.
Kelly: [on video] Hey, guys. It's your girl, Kelly. So I've been trying to open this orange for, like, five minutes. It's pretty much just unpeelable. Here, watch.
Marcus: Okay, seriously, that is my life. [chuckles]

Quote from Viral Video

Kelly: [on video] Hey, guys. It's your girl, Kelly. You know how sometimes you get a shopping cart with a bad wheel? Well, this one has a really bad wheel. AKA, no wheel! [Justine laughs] Check it out! Wheel fail!
Amy: Wait, really? What am I missing here? This is lame.
Justine: No, I know! So lame.
Kelly: [on video] It's your girl, Kelly. I'm just having a little breakfast, the most important meal of the day, although some people refuse to eat it.
Jonah: [on video] All your cereals have marshmallows. It's like you're a nine-year-old.
Amy: Oh.
Kelly: [on video] Well, they're fun, Jonah.

Quote from High Volume Store

Kelly: You should go with this one. It's 4K.
Man: What does 4K mean?
Kelly: Oh, um, The first K is "knowledge." And then the second K...
Mateo: 4K televisions have 8.3 megapixels. The human eye is literally incapable of appreciating a finer resolution than this.
Man: Wow. Okay, I'll take it.
Mateo: There you go.
Man: Thank you.
Kelly: It has all of the channels.

Quote from Groundhog Dad

Kelly: [over PA] So, hang on now, Sandra, you're from Hawaii, but you've never been to the beach? [Jonah gasps] What?
Sandra: No, I am deathly afraid of the water.
Jonah: Uh!
Sandra: Never even saw the ocean.
Jonah: Wow, that is too much. Now, are you afraid of all water, or just the ocean?
Sandra: I'd like to answer your question with another question. Where do hermit crabs live?
Jonah: Get a load of her.
Kelly: Where don't they live? [laughs] You know what I mean?

Quote from Employee Appreciation Day

Kelly: Did you know that the capital of Panama is Panama? I can rap the entire Central American countries. I did it once for a talent competition. ♫ Mexcio D.F., Mexico ♫ Guatemala, Guatemala ♫ Tegucigalpa, Honduras ♫ San Salvador, El Salvador ♫ San Jose, Costa Rica ♫ Panama, Panama ♫

Quote from Sal's Dead

Jonah: Okay, Kelly, just...
Amy: Okay, Kelly. It was me. I did it. I took Jonah's phone, and I was messing around. And I accidently swiped right, and I just couldn't stop myself. And Garrett had something to do with it too.
Garrett: What?
Amy: I-I mean mostly it was me.
Jonah: Just put the knife down, okay? You're not going to hurt anyone.
Kelly: Stop telling me what to do! [stabs Jonah]
Garrett: Jonah!
Jonah: Aah!
Garrett: [bleep]
Jonah: Why... did you have to use... my phone? [groans]
Amy: Oh. I get it. [Jonah and Kelly take a bow] You... that... fake. So funny. [Kelly giggles] Got me.
Kelly: Ha-ha.
Garrett: Happy Halloween.

Quote from Safety Training

Kelly: You know what's really good? Grilled cheese.
Amy: Hot tip, Kelly.

Quote from Back to School

Jeff: It doesn't matter what the surprise is, okay? I'm not getting back together with him. It's over.
Sandra: I bet Jeff's getting us a taco truck.
Cheyenne: Ooh, or maybe an ice cream truck.
Kelly: Ooh, I hope it's a pizza truck. Sorry, guys, kind of a pizza freak.
Mateo: Everyone loves pizza, so it's not a personality trait.

Quote from Part-Time Hires

Kelly: Hey. Hi. I'm sorry. Do you know what a softline is?
Garrett: I don't have time for this.
Kelly: [to customer] Excuse me. Do you know what a softline is?
Woman: I don't live here. I'm from Tampa.

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