Jeff: Hey, everybody. Can I get you to meet me in the break room for a quick chat?
Cheyenne: Is it about your boots?
Jeff: Uh, no. Um, it's about this morning's incident.
Garrett: Is that when you bought your boots?
Jeff: Just... if everybody would just meet me in the break room.

Jeff: The point is, we have a policy for this. So if you see something suspicious, report it. Don't try to handle it yourself.
Dina: Yeah, we all know what the policy is, but what was I supposed to do? Just stand there and make brown, like Jonah?
Jeff: What did Jonah do?
Jonah: Well, I didn't actually do anything...
Dina: Exactly. He just sat there and watched a guy rob the store.
Jeff: Thank you. That is what you should all do in the future. Thank you, Jonah, for actually following protocol.
Jonah: Oh, well, yeah. I mean, you know, you guys came up with the policy. I just knew it and followed it.
Jeff: It's appreciated.
Mateo: Oh, my God, just sleep with him, already.

Jeff: Anyway, what I'm saying is, don't be a Dina. Be a Jonah.

Jonah: Uh, hey. Hey, um... You know what? This... this might sound weird, but, um, could you not compliment me in front of Dina?
Jeff: I'm sorry?
Jonah: I appreciate everything that you're saying, but, um, I think Dina was a little embarrassed about what happened this morning. And when Dina gets embarrassed, she can be a bit of a bully.
Jeff: Dina's bullying you?
Jonah: No, no. That's not what I... No, I just meant that she can be a bit of a bully.
Jeff: Thank you for coming forward. I will talk to HR.
Jonah: No, no, no, no. You don't need to get HR involved. No.
Jeff: Okay, but you understand you just informed me that a superior is bullying you. Legally, that's something I have to report. We've just had too many suicides.
Jonah: Not necessary, no.
Jeff: Okay, I take no joy in getting Dina in any kind of trouble.
Jonah: Really? 'Cause you're... you're smiling a little.
Jeff: Am I? Huh.

Jeff: The point is, we all know what bullying is; harassment, name-calling...
Ken: Sometimes it seems like you're calling someone a name but then it's their actual name. I once met a Greek guy named Herpes, or something like that.
Garrett: I thought you fired that dude.
Glenn: I did. Twice.
Jeff: Okay, so, what are some other examples?
Cheyenne: Moron, A-hole...
Kelly: Bimbo.
Mateo: Bald jerk.
Ken: Herpes when their name is not Herpes.
Dina: Va-Jonah.
Roger: Opus Dei. Pasty freak.
Jeff: Okay, I meant other examples of bullying, not name-calling. But nobody here should be calling you those.
Roger: Oh, no. That was just my doctors.

Jeff: Thank you all for coming in early. Uh, there's been an unfortunate incident we need to discuss.
Mateo: What's that in your ear?
Jeff: Nothing. I got it pierced. No big deal.
Garrett: Oh, wait, hold up. What are we working with here? Is that a... a snake or a lightning bolt?
Jeff: This is not what I'm here... It's a guitar. An electric guitar.

Kelly: We were gonna keep that a secret.
Amy: Well, then maybe you shouldn't have posted about it on the Internet.
Jeff: Thank you.
Jonah: Do we need to fill out one of those relationship disclosures?
Jeff: Oh, I'm sorry, you want to know if you need to let Corporate know that two low-level floor workers are in a relationship? Yeah, I'm su... Let me call a board meeting.
Jonah: Feels like misplaced aggression.

Amy: What are we now?
Jeff: Well, we're triple-A. I just said that.
Jonah: So this would be one more A then?
Jeff: Exactly. Believe me, you guys are gonna love this.
Cheyenne: So do we get anything or...
Jeff: Yes, you get a sense of pride, a sense of accomplishment. Quad-A stores are the first to feature new products. Once they take our cafeteria and transfer it into a Pizza Hut, there's gonna be...
Garrett: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Did you just say Pizza Hut?
Jeff: Yeah. [excited chatter]
Cheyenne: Like we're famous or something?
Marcus: Uh, a point of clarification, Jeff, would it have the soda too?
Jeff: Yeah, I believe so.
All: Oh!
Amy: That's a formal Pizza Hut.

Jonah: Jeff. Uh, new hat?
Jeff: Yeah. I splurged. You know, it's a huge day. It's a very huge day.
Amy: Definitely. Um, we were wondering if you could maybe tell us a little bit more about what we can expect once this store becomes Quad-A.
Jeff: Oh, uh, well, yeah, I mean, things are pretty much gonna be the same.
Jonah: Well, but earlier you said it would be better.
Jeff: Yes, obviously better. Better and the same.
Marcus: Nice. That sounds amazing.
Amy: Right. Is there any possibility that it could maybe get worse?
Jeff: You know what, there's a lot of liars out there, okay? Look for people who have scores to settle, perhaps. And don't believe everything you hear.
Jonah: What would we have heard?
Jeff: Oh, I don't know, but whatever it is, it would've been untrue. That's why it's a paradox. [laughs] Believe me. It's gonna be great. Trust me.
Marcus: Man, I can't wait for it to be great.

Jeff: You think you know where your life is going. And then suddenly, you're 40, running a rat race you don't even understand. You're trying to fix everything on the outside. So I get the boots, I get the earring. I get the lipo.
Jonah: The hat.
Jeff: What's wrong with the hat? The hat's working.
Jonah: Exactly. Yeah, nothing.
Jeff: Where was I?