Amy: All right, okay. It's fine. Jonah, you can trade with...
Mateo: Wait, wait, wait. We can just say no to a shift assignment? Because I would rather not be in the fitting rooms. They're basically just fart capsules.

Amy: All right, all right, all right. Okay. No changing shift assignments. Okay, I get that we don't like selling guns or pills or rice, but we sell all those things in the store. End of story. Jonah, you stay on guns.
Jonah: Okay, fine, but I want my objection noted.
Garrett: [chuckles] Oh, that whole phrase is going on the list.

Garrett: [over PA] Attention, shoppers, there's a 40% off sale in our exercise gear section, which will be closing next week due to lack of interest. Over in patio furniture, we're gonna have... [crow caws] Ahh! Ahh! [gasps] [clears throat] Uh... my bad, y'all. That reaction was very out of character for me. I'm normally a very cool guy. I have a lot of cool sneakers and a very active sex life.

Amy: I'm just gonna sit in front of my television, and I'm gonna eat and drink whatever I want.
Garrett: Mm-hmm, okay, well, what you're describing is every single day of my life.
Amy: Really?

Garrett: What is going on?
Jonah: Here's what's going on. This entire place is a dictatorship, and it's being ruled over by Emperor Amy.
Garrett: Oh, god, can you guys just act like adults and have an affair or something?
Jonah: What? No, shh! Listen. If Amy wants me to run the gun counter, then Amy needs to understand that I get to decide who gets the guns. And I'm gonna make those decisions fairly and with due diligence. [to a man] I'm sorry. I just don't trust redheads. [man scoffs] Too fiery.

Garrett: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold up. What about this crow emergency, y'all? Hold up. Hey, guys, we gotta do something. They got the same brain-to-body ratio as humans. A group of 'em's called a murder! Judy! Judy!

Glenn: Without a gun, I do not know how I would stop that raccoon from trying to impregnate my Winnie the Pooh lawn ornament.

Sandra: Can I not be in menswear? Everything there reminds me of my ex-boyfriend, Brian.
Amy: No, guys, what Jonah is asking for is different. He has a moral objection to guns.
Garrett: I'd be in the same position if the store asked us to start selling, you know, hashish or the morning-after pill.
Dina: We sell the morning-after pill.
Glenn: What?

Man: Um, I'd like that 9-millimeter and a box of bullets, please.
Jonah: Yes, got it. You wanted the 9-millimeter. And a box of bullets. Coming right up. I'm gonna go ahead and grab that for you. Just gonna grab it from... right...
Man: That's the one.
Jonah: Yeah, this is... yeah, no, I... It's coming... ooh, wow. Ooh, that's... that's heavy. This feels like... like an 11-millimeter, am I right? The bullets, yep. Uh... just the 9-millimeter... [drops bullets and gun] Ahh! Gun! Gun, gun, gun, gun, gun! Gun, gun, gun! [clears throat] All clear. All clear.

Glenn: Hey, uh, Tate, is it true we sell the morning-after pill?
Tate: We definitely have the morning-after pill. Yeah, right over there.
Glenn: Oh. Wow. So prominent. Yeah. Listen, Tate, I would never ask you to sell something that you were not comfortable with, so if you wanna remove them from the pharmacy, I will support you.
Tate: Are you kidding? I love the morning-after pill. I have to keep a couple boxes at timeshare in Tampa.
Glenn: Tampa?
Tate: Oh, yeah. Women love it there. You know what I mean? Yeah, it's a sick place. It's only, like, 12 miles from the beach.
Glenn: Okay, but between us, could you just find a reason to take them off the shelf? You know, um... maybe say that they're, like, expired?
Tate: That would be a lie.
Glenn: Tate, do you believe in God?
Tate: Yeah, I think there's a god.
Glenn: Yeah?
Tate: But I think he lives in nature. You know, the rocks and trees and crap like that. Honestly, I think God could be a frog.
Glenn: Oh, brother.