Dina: [over PA] Attention baby shoppers. There is free candy in toy department. Come on, little babies. Come get the candy.
Garrett: Stop, stop, man...
Dina: What?
Garrett: It's not working.
Dina: What you... you try it.
Garrett: [over PA] Hey, baby. Come get this candy. Come on.

Kristen: Dad, did you tell Amy to stop me from going out with Jonah?
Glenn: What? No.
Kristen: Amy, is that true?
Amy: Uh-huh.
Jonah: Then w... why did you say he did?
Amy: I... I... I don't have a good answer for that.
Jonah: Because Glenn said it was because you're jealous and you have a crush on me.
Amy: I don't... Glenn.
Glenn: Well, that's what you told me, remember? You said you were in love with Jonah. You couldn't stop saying it.
Amy: I did not say that. I would never say that. He's lying.
Glenn: She's lying. She's a sassy little liar. Yeah, blonde hair? Yeah right. Her whole head's a lie.
Amy: Glenn, everyone knows I dyed my hair...

Kristen: Dad. Look, just tell me the truth. Are you really meddling again? It's like your doing everything you can to push me away.
Glenn: Well, I g... Honey, I love you so much...
Amy: Glenn had nothing to do with it.
Kristen: Really?
Amy: I made up all of that stuff about Jonah because... I am jealous.
Timur: But Papa Glenn said...
Glenn: Timur, shut your cake hole! You're being rude.
Amy: I have a little crush on Jonah so I made up all of those lies. Glenn is right; I am a sassy little liar, and I am very sorry.
Glenn: You think you know people, huh?

Cheyenne: I can't believe I lost Glenn's child. Everyone told me I was too young to have a kid and this proves it.
Glenn: [over PA] Will all Sturgis children please make their way to Music? It's family photo time.
Cheyenne: What am I gonna do? Do... do I give him Harmonica?
Dina: She is younger. That's kind of a better deal actually.
Cheyenne: Oh, my God! Bobbie Sue! Oh! I knew... I knew we'd find you! Yes, oh!
Dina: Well, technically, I found her. It was my trap.
Garrett: Just let her have this one.
Dina: It was my trap, though.

Jonah: I should tell you, I'm giving Myrtle a ride home later. I just... I don't want you to fight her. I know you hate seeing me with other women.
Marcus: I didn't press the button. Hold on.
Jonah: I know you were covering for Glenn.
Amy: Thank God. I mean, no offense, but ew.

Glenn: Hey, Jonah, why don't you come in for one? You know, just in case you wind up joining the family.
Jonah: Um, sure. Seems wildly premature, but why not?
Glenn: Okay. Come here. Wow, good thing you already look like an elf.

Marcus: Okay, guys, on three, say "Jerusha." One. Two.
Glenn: [to Jonah] If you hurt her, I will murder you in real life until you're dead.
Marcus: Three!
All: Jerusha!