Glenn: I'm sorry. Just... I started doing some research, and I came across this article, "The Truth About Zephra." I think there's some fishy business going on.
Dina: Oh, like tax evasion, offshore banking? What are we talking here?
Glenn: You know how everyone's pushing this 5G? Well, turns out 5 is the worst of the Gs. They say that it hits your brain at a certain frequency that lets them control human behavior.
Dina: You think Zephra's involved in mind control? Okay, that's enough screen time for you.
Glenn: No, it's not that I believe in mind control, but they are trying to control how we greet customers.
Dina: Glenn, enough. This is why old people shouldn't be allowed on the Internet.

Jonah: So... retirement, huh? Got any big plans?
Glenn: Yeah, I think I might finally watch The Queen's Gambit.
Jonah: Okay, so that's... seven episodes. What else?
Glenn: Well, I hadn't really thought much beyond that. Gosh, I guess there's gonna be a lot of hours to fill, huh?
Jonah: Yeah, yeah, but that's a good thing, right, Glenn? I mean, I'm sure you've got hobbies.
Glenn: No, 'cause work is all I've ever known, Jonah. I mean, I started at my dad's hardware store when I was eight, and before that, I worked at the tollbooth.
Jonah: Glenn, I'm sure you're gonna be fine. I- There's gotta be something that you can do.
Glenn: Well, what if I got a 500 piece puzzle? That'd take up some time, right?
Jonah: Some.
Glenn: What, you want me to get a 1,000 piece puzzle? How much table space do you think I have, Jonah?

Garrett: Ooh, cool move, cowboy.
Glenn: What, this? I was born with a drill in my hand. My family used to own a hardware store. Sturgis and Sons?
Jonah: Oh.
Glenn: Yeah, for 59 years, the name "Sturgis" was synonymous with tools. Well, until Cloud 9 moved in up the street, and then a month later, we lost everything. Hey, has anyone seen the laser level?
Jonah: Doesn't it make you a little angry to be working for them?
Glenn: Oh, I don't waste my time with anger. [hammers]
Garrett: Oh.
Glenn: [chuckles] Look at that. I hit my finger.
Jonah: That looked pretty serious.

Glenn: I think it was on one of these memos from corporate. Here. [sighs] "Union buzzwords."
Dina: "How to spot a union."
Glenn: "Anti-union activity."
Dina: "What to do if you hear the word 'union.'"
Glenn: "Reporting union activity." "List of toxic food recalls"? I don't remember doing any food recalls. [Dina gasps] What?
Dina: "Addendum of policy changes to employee handbook... Relationships between supervisors and subordinates no longer forbidden, now just strongly discouraged."
Glenn: Yeah, words. Oh, here it is. "Please detach the accompanying card and keep in a safe place." And, look, I wrote, "Like in your car," and then I underlined "car." Oh, that means it's just outsi... Oh.

Amy: Is everything okay?
Glenn: Yeah, just trying to do two jobs here. I think if I can just start sleeping in tiny little bursts while I'm already blinking...
Amy: So, you're gonna try and do both of these jobs yourself? That's crazy.
Glenn: What if someone had told Ben Affleck that he couldn't act and direct? Then we never would've had that movie about Iran, or... or, whatever... I'm sorry, I never saw it.
Amy: Glenn!
Glenn: What?
Amy: I'll take the job.
Glenn: Oh, thank you! You have no idea how hard this has been. Though it has dramatically increased my respect for Ben Affleck.

Glenn: We just wanted to make sure there were enough poll workers out there, 'cause, you know, we wouldn't want any voter fraud to happen.
Dina: [chuckles] Even though, as I keep telling him, there's almost no voter fraud in this country. I mean, it's not worth the penalty of, um...
Syd: $10,000 and five years in prison.
Glenn: Did you say "prison"? Or "prism"?
Dina: Why would he say "prism"? What's five years in prism?
Glenn: Let him answer.
Syd: Prison.
Glenn: With an N or an M?
Dina: Oh, my God.

Glenn: Oh, I see. It's wrong when I try to do matchmaking, but you get to whip out the fangs, huh?
Amy: What fangs?
Glenn: Cupid's fangs.
Amy: Glenn, again, an arrow.

Glenn: Oh, my God! Look at that! We're famous! 168 reviews.
Jonah: "Store's okay. I usually stop there because it's on my way home."
Glenn: We're on his way home.
Jonah: Uh...
Glenn: Wait, stop! "Cloud 9, more like Cloud 1, as in the one star I'm giving because I can't give zero."
Mateo: Ha! He's a good writer.
Amy: Glenn, just ignore this. That guy's a troll. [off Glenn's look] No, uh, no. Uh, he's a full-sized human being, non-mythical who writes mean things on the Internet.

Glenn: Sometimes people ask me, "Hey, how'd you get those light bulbs way up there?" And the answer is: I don't know.

Glenn: Oh, sorry, I'm just responding to all these old reviews.
Amy: Oh...
Glenn: Like, in 2006, this lady found a pool of vomit in Electronics. "Dear Verna301, we have cleaned up the vomit." We have cleaned up the vomit, right?
Amy: Yeah. I believe so.
Glenn: Wha... Frenchfryguy81 updated his review! "So the manager invited me back to the store and tried to brainwash me with an hour-long propaganda tour." "Pathetic man." "Muppet voice." Why would anyone write this?
Amy: Because he likes complaining. Don't engage. You won't win.
Glenn: Well, you can die trying.