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Forced Hire

‘Forced Hire’

Season 5, Episode 3 -  Aired October 10, 2019

Dina is apoplectic when her nemesis, Colleen from the Bel-Ridge branch, starts work at the store. Meanwhile, Jonah needs Marcus's help to get the warehouse guys to join the union.

Quote from Sandra

Jonah: Okay, these are all great points, just not for a union meeting, which this was actually supposed to be.
Justine: So have you guys set a date yet?
Sandra: Almost. It's either gonna be the anniversary of our first kiss or whatever the cheapest option is.
Jonah: You know, Sandra, you seem to have a lot going on right now and I'm wondering if maybe I should take the reins on this whole union thing for a little bit.
Sandra: Yes, thank you. I'm doing a lot of wedding planning this week and also I'm going through all the Fast & Furious movies, so I have a lot on my plate.
Jonah: Got it. Yeah.
Sandra: Here are the signed cards and, FYI, the warehouse guys took theirs back.
Jonah: Wait, what? Why?
Sandra: I don't know, but Rico has beautiful penmanship. He agreed to do all of my invitations.


Quote from Marcus

Jonah: If you're worried about what to say, we could go over some talking points together, you know.
Marcus: Hold up... together? As in, you and me?
Jonah: Yeah, just, you know, just quickly to go over what to say.
Marcus: Right, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We hang out, chopping it up, bro by bro. Then I go back in, get the guys back on board, we go celebrate for dinner.
Jonah: Right, great. And then, yeah, that's the end.
Marcus: Or the beginning of a great friendship.
Jonah: You know, I... I feel like we could get this done pretty quickly. Do you... do you have a minute now?
Marcus: I don't know. I mean, we have a lot of ground to cover. We should probably block out a big chunk of time.
Jonah: Oh.
Marcus: Say, lunch?
Jonah: [stammers] Yeah, okay, sure. Lunch.
Marcus: Yes! The Horsemen ride again. Meet me at my car. I'll put together a playlist. You can put on some more comfortable clothes...
Jonah: Probably just wear this.
Marcus: Ah, it's perfect.

Quote from Marcus

Jonah: Still haven't gotten these doors replaced, huh?
Marcus: If it's good enough for the United States Postal Service, it's good enough for me. All right. Yeah. Chicken adobo? Mateo's aunt made it for me.
Jonah: Has that just been sitting in your car all day?
Marcus: Yeah, boy! It's already warm. No need to microwave.

Quote from Marcus

Jonah: So, talking points. When you talk to the guys about health care, I was thinking...
Marcus: Whoa, whoa, whoa, dude. You can't just tell me what to say and then I go and I say it.
Jonah: Really? I thought we might try that.
Marcus: No, you gotta find my voice, so when I say it, it sounds natural. And that means... a little getting to know you period.
Jonah: Okay, great. Uh, totally. So, what should I know?
Marcus: Well, for starters, do you like this song? [rock music plays]
Jonah: Yeah... yes?
Marcus: Noice! Dude, that's my band. It's actually just me right now, but we're looking to fill out the lineup. Or... maybe we're not looking anymore?

Quote from Marcus

Marcus: [on the phone] I don't care what they said. You are beautiful, you are sexy, and any guy would kill for a night alone with you. All right, Mom, I gotta bounce. Say bye to Jonah.
Jonah: Bye, Mrs. White. It was nice to meet you. This whole hour has just flown by.

Quote from Dina

Dina: Fish in the locker? What kind of bush-league crap is that?
Garrett: Well, I didn't put a lot of thought in it because I didn't want to do it.
Dina: Okay, you're gonna need some help, so I'm willing to let you borrow this.
Garrett: Dina, you still have that bag of meth? We talked about this. You gotta turn that in.
Dina: Then what would I do in situations like this when I need a bag of meth? Okay, so, you're talking to Colleen, you casually... drop it at her feet. I bring Amy by and, "Oh, Colleen, did this just fall out of your pocket?" And she's all, "What? That's not..." and Amy's like, "Bup, bup, bup, Colleen. I don't wanna hear it. You're fired. And on your way out, give that bag of meth back to Dina."
Garrett: All right, look. Dina, I wanna help you out, but this is a little extreme.
Dina: You know, most reasonable people would expect one deed of penance per dead bird, and here I am very generously offering you a package deal. All you have to do is plant some illegal drugs on an innocent, but terrible woman.

Quote from Marcus

Jonah: Well, I mean there's always the option of not hooking up with Colleen.
Garrett: Yeah, see, that just doesn't make any sense to me. I...
[Jonah tries to hide when he sees Marcus approaching]
Marcus: J-bone! There you are, buddy. All right, I am ready to talk union. I was thinking we could do it over some hoops. Maybe some one-on-one, a little Horse, or just, like, run some passing drills?
Jonah: Uh, you know what, as... as much as I'd like to, um, to hoop with you, I gotta... Garrett needs me to help with the...
Garrett: No, I don't.
Jonah: Yeah, yeah, the... you know, the... the... the announcement that you...
Garrett: Already did it, man. You're good to go... hoop it up.
Jonah: Oh... great, thanks, friend.
Garrett: Anytime, buddy.
Marcus: Nice, let's do it! Shirts versus skins. I'm wearing a shirt, so...

Quote from Marcus

Jonah: Okay, you know what, Marcus, no, I'm not doing this, okay? I know I'm supposed to go through you, but I'm just gonna go in there and I'm gonna talk to the warehouse guys myself.
Marcus: You need me, okay? These guys don't relate to you. These guys don't listen to NPR and eat Faberge eggs for breakfast.
Jonah: I would hope nobody...
Marcus: They respond to guys' guys. You know, guys who work with their hands, who know how to grill a burger.
Jonah: Marcus...
Marcus: The kind of guys who would chug a liter of barbecue sauce just 'cause someone dared them to.
Jonah: I disagree, all right? I think they are gonna listen to reason. You underestimate these guys. I'm gonna go in there and I'm not coming out until every single one of them signs these cards.
Marcus: Okay, but you're gonna fail. And I'll be there for you when you do, 'cause we're friends.

Quote from Jonah

Jonah: Uh, hey... uh, guys? Guys... is it... is it all guys? We should probably talk about that, but, uh, another day. So, look. I get that there are probably some reservations about this whole union thing, you know, and yeah, I don't seem like you, you know, at first, because I'm more booksmart or... not even, not even smarter, just... just like, um, you know, better educated. Or... not better... gross, why would I..
Alex: What are you saying?
Jonah: Uh, what I'm saying is, I get that this is a little scary, but what corporate is gonna do if we don't do this is even scarier, okay? So, you know, you, you, you, you're all at risk of being replaced by machines.
Paul: So I'm good?
Jonah: Uh, no, you're... you're at risk, too.
Paul: You didn't point at me.
Jonah: Okay, the pointing was arbitrary. All right, look, a union is our best shot at protecting our jobs. Okay, so who's with me?
Alex: I don't know. Can we trust this guy?
Marcus: Honestly, I'm not sure.
Jonah: Guys, of course you can trust me, okay? I'm... I'm... I'm a fighter. You know, we are... we are the same. We are the every man, you know? I... you... and we... we share... look, you wanna... you wanna watch me, uh, you wanna watch me chug this ranch? I'm gonna slam this ranch. Watch me slam this ranch! Okay. Mmm... [gulping]
Marcus: He's in my band.

Quote from Garrett

Amy: What do you mean you're going on a date with her?
Garrett: Well, it was either that or plant crystal meth on her.
Amy: Okay, so in the whole world, those were your two options?
Garrett: It seemed like it at the time.

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