Glenn: You'll find the sexy nurse costumes in aisle nine between the sexy Minions and the sexy sandwiches.

Amy: Hey, Sayid, I just wanted to check in and see you're feeling about Chris' Aladdin costume. How ya holding up with the racism?

Woman: [on the phone] I can try getting you in with a company-approved doctor. Have you been experiencing any bleeding, spotting, or vaginal discharge?
Glenn: Okay, I am just gonna do some paperwork.
Amy: Um, yes, there has been some discharge...
Glenn: [sings] Oh, this is the way we stape the pape Stape the pape, stape the pape
Amy: But nothing to write home about.
Woman: Alright, I can get you in for an appointment as soon as December 15th.
Amy: December 15th? That's like six weeks away. I will already have my baby by then.
Woman: Oh, next time call us farther in advance. Is there anything else I can help you with today?
Glenn: Well, actually, while we have you on the line... Ah, here, do some paperwork. I accidentally swallowed a watermelon seed the other day.

Glenn: And corporate sent us some sort of newfangled automatic cart collector. They say it's part of a [Romanian accent] pilot program.

Marcus: Hey, if you swallow the fob, will the collector just follow you until you poop it out?
Dina: That is such a good question. I'll reach out to the manufacturer.
Marcus: Yeah.

Jonah: I'll give you a hint, it's slightly political.
Garrett: Gay Spiderman.
Jonah: Wait. This is like the fifth time they've played this song today. I hate how they just keep looping the same Halloween music over and over again.
Garrett: At this point I've learned how to just block out the most annoying stuff around here.
Jonah: You're like one of those monks in Tibet. You know, they practice this meditation technique called Tummo. [Garrett stares straight ahead] Garrett, are you- Oh I get it. 'Cause I'm annoying. Yeah, all right. You made your point. Yeah, well, you know what? You're annoying, so I'm gonna ignore you. Doesn't feel so good, does it? Toro, Toro.

Amy: Oh, you changed costumes.
Mateo: So did you. Well, I guess we both need that vacation day, huh?
Amy: Yeah, well, my feet are giant balloons full of blood and I have a little monster inside of me.
Mateo: I wanna see that new Johnny English movie.

Amy: And I was also thinking that maybe this costume is offensive to, um, Hawaiian people. Like Sandra. She's Hawaiian.
Mateo: Oh, good call.
Cheyenne: Don't worry, Sandra saw it and she didn't say anything.
Amy: It's also just wasteful 'cause that's not what coconuts...
Mateo: Yeah.
Amy: People are starving around the world and...
Cheyenne: Well, someone ate the coconut. I just put it on my boob.
Amy: Who ate the coconut?
Cheyenne: I don't know, someone at a Thai restaurant or something.

Garrett: Hey man, why did you have to point out this stupid Halloween song? Now I can't tune it out. It doesn't even make sense. "Dracula was putting on moon tan lotion." Why is a Dracula at the beach?
Jonah: Yeah, it's not a good song. I'm just glad I'm not the only one noticing it anymore.
Garrett: Okay, well next time, keep it to yourself. Not everybody needs to notice the same stuff.
Jonah: Why don't you just try thinking of a different song? You know, like, um, you know [arrhythmic humming] God, what are some songs?

Amy: There she is. I thought someone might have turned you into glue by now.
Sandra: Why?
Amy: 'Cause you're a horse. You know how they kill horses and turn their bones and hooves into glue?
Sandra: They do?
Amy: Nope, just being a goof.