Jonah: Okay, well, uh, there's other stuff. Uh, this Sunday I'm putting a team together to plant some trees out back.
Cheyenne: I'll do that.
Marcus: Me too. I could really use the overtime right now.
Jonah: Oh, yeah, so they're not paying anybody for this.
Sandra: So you'd be paying us?
Jonah: Me? No, I'm-
Sandra: Or who's paying us?
Jonah: Uh, okay. Nobody is paying anybody.
Marcus: So you're just asking us as like, a favor?
Cheyenne: I don't want to waste a Sunday doing you a favor. I mean, no offense. We're just not that close.

Glenn: If you need to use the bathroom, here's a key to the employees' bathroom.
Pastor Craig: Thank you.
Glenn: The customer bathrooms hit sort of a tipping point, so we stopped cleaning them.

Garrett: Oh, getting a lot of people to sign up for your little green thing?
Jonah: Yeah, everybody's signing up for recycling. I've got "S. SquarePants," "Hannity Rules," "Suck It," and "Yo Skanky Grandma."
Garrett: That's a solid team.
Jonah: Only real employee to sign up is Joe Nuzzadoosh?
Garrett: Say it a little faster.
Jonah: Joe Nuzzadoosh? "Jonah's a douche." Got it. Well done.
Garrett: Thank you.

Jonah: Why am I the only person who cares that the entire planet is falling apart?
Garrett: Oh, come on. You live for this stuff.
Jonah: What stuff?
Garrett: You know, finding a cause, leading a movement, getting to say "unacceptable" a lot.
Jonah: I'm sorry, I guess I didn't realize that humanitarianism was such a buzz kill. I guess that also means Bono is not cool.
Garrett: Oh, okay, so now you're Bono?
Jonah: No, that's not what I mean.
Garrett: I see. You're just the Bono of the store?
Jonah: I didn't say I was Bono.
Garrett: All right, look, I'm just messing with you. But it is kind of true though. I mean, I guess if anybody here was Bono, it would be you.
Jonah: I mean, I guess.
Garrett: Hey, Heather! Jonah thinks he's the Bono of the store!
Jonah: No, no, no, that's not- No, he made me- Why do I even talk to you?
Garrett: Aw, good talking to U2! -Get it? Like the letter U-
Jonah: Yeah, I got it.

Dina: Well, it is shaping up in here. I see you opted against the standing desk. You just gonna join a gym instead?
Amy: What?

Dina: Did you say it was okay for Glenn's pastor to set up a booth in the store?
Amy: Yeah, he's just handing out little plants.
Dina: Well, that's how it starts. Then, next thing you know, cult leaders are handing out little tiny cups of Kool-Aid. Drink up, everybody!
Amy: That's a big, dark leap. Look, it's fine. It's just this one time. Plus, Glenn had already told him he could do it, so...
Dina: Yeah, but you're the manager. You can't let Glenn start walking all over you. You need to come down on him hard.
Amy: I think you just want to watch me yell at Glenn.
Dina: This has nothing to do with my personal feelings. Would I enjoy watching you yell at Glenn? Of course I would. Would I prefer to do the yelling? Great question. No. I think it would be more fun to be a spectator.
Amy: Hmm.
Dina: Would I judge you if you lost it all and it became physical? Of course not. Would it be our little secret? Absolutely.

Mateo: [scoffs] Who switched the white coffee filters with the brown ones that taste like dirt?
Jonah: I did. The white filters contain dioxins which-
Mateo: I like dioxins. And is one person using white coffee filters really going to ruin the planet?
Jonah: No, but if everybody said that I'm not talking about everybody.
Mateo: I'm talking about me.

Garrett: Hey, dude. Did you drop these cool wraparound sunglasses?
Jonah: No, I don't think- Ah, I get it. Because they look like Bono sunglasses?
Garrett: Yeah.
Jonah: Do we even sell those here?
Garrett: No, I had to go to CVS to get these, but it was worth it.

Cheyenne: Okay, so welcome to the first meeting of the new and improved green team. [scattered applause] Now let's all think of some ways to help the environment.
Mateo: Yeah, and nothing super annoying that turns coffee into hot turd juice. Oh, sorry, Jonah. I didn't see you there. [whispers] I saw him.
Jonah: I didn't make the filters myself, so it's not a burn on me.

Sandra: We should post something on social media.
Marcus: Okay, what about something like #oceans?
Cheyenne: [gasps] Yes, I love that. That's so good.
Jonah: Um, I'm sorry. What exactly would a hashtag accomplish?
Marcus: Well, it's about starting a conversation.
Jonah: What conversation?
Marcus: This conversation.
Sandra: Yeah.