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Cloud Green

‘Cloud Green’

Season 4, Episode 18 -  Aired May 2, 2019

Glenn gets in trouble with Amy after he invites Pastor Craig to the store without her permission. Meanwhile, Jonah is appointed as the store's green ambassador.

Quote from Cheyenne

Jonah: Okay, well, uh, there's other stuff. Uh, this Sunday I'm putting a team together to plant some trees out back.
Cheyenne: I'll do that.
Marcus: Me too. I could really use the overtime right now.
Jonah: Oh, yeah, so they're not paying anybody for this.
Sandra: So you'd be paying us?
Jonah: Me? No, I'm-
Sandra: Or who's paying us?
Jonah: Uh, okay. Nobody is paying anybody.
Marcus: So you're just asking us as like, a favor?
Cheyenne: I don't want to waste a Sunday doing you a favor. I mean, no offense. We're just not that close.


Quote from Glenn

Glenn: If you need to use the bathroom, here's a key to the employees' bathroom.
Pastor Craig: Thank you.
Glenn: The customer bathrooms hit sort of a tipping point, so we stopped cleaning them.

Quote from Garrett

Garrett: Oh, getting a lot of people to sign up for your little green thing?
Jonah: Yeah, everybody's signing up for recycling. I've got "S. SquarePants," "Hannity Rules," "Suck It," and "Yo Skanky Grandma."
Garrett: That's a solid team.
Jonah: Only real employee to sign up is Joe Nuzzadoosh?
Garrett: Say it a little faster.
Jonah: Joe Nuzzadoosh? "Jonah's a douche." Got it. Well done.
Garrett: Thank you.

Quote from Garrett

Jonah: Why am I the only person who cares that the entire planet is falling apart?
Garrett: Oh, come on. You live for this stuff.
Jonah: What stuff?
Garrett: You know, finding a cause, leading a movement, getting to say "unacceptable" a lot.
Jonah: I'm sorry, I guess I didn't realize that humanitarianism was such a buzz kill. I guess that also means Bono is not cool.
Garrett: Oh, okay, so now you're Bono?
Jonah: No, that's not what I mean.
Garrett: I see. You're just the Bono of the store?
Jonah: I didn't say I was Bono.
Garrett: All right, look, I'm just messing with you. But it is kind of true though. I mean, I guess if anybody here was Bono, it would be you.
Jonah: I mean, I guess.
Garrett: Hey, Heather! Jonah thinks he's the Bono of the store!
Jonah: No, no, no, that's not- No, he made me- Why do I even talk to you?
Garrett: Aw, good talking to U2! -Get it? Like the letter U-
Jonah: Yeah, I got it.

Quote from Dina

Dina: Well, it is shaping up in here. I see you opted against the standing desk. You just gonna join a gym instead?
Amy: What?

Quote from Dina

Dina: Did you say it was okay for Glenn's pastor to set up a booth in the store?
Amy: Yeah, he's just handing out little plants.
Dina: Well, that's how it starts. Then, next thing you know, cult leaders are handing out little tiny cups of Kool-Aid. Drink up, everybody!
Amy: That's a big, dark leap. Look, it's fine. It's just this one time. Plus, Glenn had already told him he could do it, so...
Dina: Yeah, but you're the manager. You can't let Glenn start walking all over you. You need to come down on him hard.
Amy: I think you just want to watch me yell at Glenn.
Dina: This has nothing to do with my personal feelings. Would I enjoy watching you yell at Glenn? Of course I would. Would I prefer to do the yelling? Great question. No. I think it would be more fun to be a spectator.
Amy: Hmm.
Dina: Would I judge you if you lost it all and it became physical? Of course not. Would it be our little secret? Absolutely.

Quote from Mateo

Mateo: [scoffs] Who switched the white coffee filters with the brown ones that taste like dirt?
Jonah: I did. The white filters contain dioxins which-
Mateo: I like dioxins. And is one person using white coffee filters really going to ruin the planet?
Jonah: No, but if everybody said that I'm not talking about everybody.
Mateo: I'm talking about me.

Quote from Garrett

Garrett: Hey, dude. Did you drop these cool wraparound sunglasses?
Jonah: No, I don't think- Ah, I get it. Because they look like Bono sunglasses?
Garrett: Yeah.
Jonah: Do we even sell those here?
Garrett: No, I had to go to CVS to get these, but it was worth it.

Quote from Mateo

Cheyenne: Okay, so welcome to the first meeting of the new and improved green team. [scattered applause] Now let's all think of some ways to help the environment.
Mateo: Yeah, and nothing super annoying that turns coffee into hot turd juice. Oh, sorry, Jonah. I didn't see you there. [whispers] I saw him.
Jonah: I didn't make the filters myself, so it's not a burn on me.

Quote from Marcus

Sandra: We should post something on social media.
Marcus: Okay, what about something like #oceans?
Cheyenne: [gasps] Yes, I love that. That's so good.
Jonah: Um, I'm sorry. What exactly would a hashtag accomplish?
Marcus: Well, it's about starting a conversation.
Jonah: What conversation?
Marcus: This conversation.
Sandra: Yeah.

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