‘Cloud 9 Academy’
Season 4, Episode 10 - Aired March 7, 2019
Amy and Cheyenne attend a Cloud 9 Academy seminar to advance their careers. Mateo tries to find a way to apply for asylum in the United States. Meanwhile, Garrett and Dina reluctantly look after Glenn's baby as he tries to babyproof his office.
Quote from Cheyenne
Cheyenne: So the next thing I would do is say, "Well, you better listen to me or else I'm gonna go in the break room and sprinkle a little bit of pee on your food every day until all you're eating is pee."
Gary: Uh-huh. Uh, preferred answer would be find someone else to work the holiday. But, uh, thank you for sharing. That was horrifying.
Quote from Dina
Dina: Really, this is how you care for a baby? You just throw it in a cart like a sack of margarine.
Garrett: "Sack of margarine"?
Dina: Fine, bag of butter.
Garrett: Look, she's perfectly safe in there. You wanna take care of her?
Dina: [scoffs] God, no.
Garrett: All right.
Dina: Nope, uh-uh. I'm not gonna let you treat a baby this way. Not even Glenn's baby. It's not your fault your daddy's an idiot. [baby cries] Oh, okay. We'll go play some checkers or chess or Trivial Pursuit, huh? [baby cries]
Garrett: Wasn't crying in the cart.
Quote from Cheyenne
Amy: Okay, so, what if we tried something like allowing our frequent customers to double up on their rewards points?
Cheyenne: Okay, or we could have, like, a Cloud 9 gnome, and sometimes he would give people, like, a hundred bucks, but other times we would, like, squirt them with ink. And it's like, "Am I gonna risk getting gnomed"?
Amy: I like that... area. Um, building on it, what if we had complimentary coffee for customers the first hour of every morning?
Cheyenne: Hmm, that sounds a little boring.
Amy: Really? 'Cause I think it sounds cool. Morning coffee, we are on a roll.
Cheyenne: Amy, we're partners. We can't just do your ideas.
Amy: Yeah, no, I know. I know that. I'm sorry.
Cheyenne: Okay, what if every Tuesday is Mardi Gras day, and the less you wear, the less you pay?
Amy: Mardi Gras Tuesdays, okay. I'm gonna write that down.
Cheyenne: And I also wanna re-pitch my gnome idea.
Quote from Mateo
Mateo: Stop Rodrigo Duterte. He's ruthless, he's anti-free speech. He's also brown if any racists are interested.
Quote from Cheyenne
Gary: Wow, okay, a real mix of ideas there. Some good, some a bit more terrible. But they tell us to start with the good, so free coffee in the mornings, I like that.
Cheyenne: Thank you, we were really proud of that one.
Amy: Yeah, that was- That was a team effort.
Gary: And I actually really love follow-up calls after large purchases.
Amy: Thank you.
Cheyenne: Thank you.
Amy: Thanks. Thank you.
Gary: Okay, now for the bad. Back-to-school belly button piercings, awful. Cardi B appreciation days, terrible. And I can't comment on this 'cause I don't know what it is. What's- What's an aisle maze?
Amy: I was a little bit confused about some of those ideas too, but I believe they were Cheyenne's ideas, so Cheyenne could probably explain it better. Um, w- What did you mean by an aisle maze?
Cheyenne: An aisle maze is when you move the aisles around to make a maze.
Amy: That was the idea.
Gary: Yeah, it's one of those situations where the explanation doesn't make the idea any better.
Quote from Dina
Dina: Kylie, we can't use our taekwondo moves on someone else's body, okay? Leo, I don't care if your father's a police officer. This is my jurisdiction.
Girl: Your butt smells.
Dina: That's not a burn, it's true of everyone.
Quote from Dina
Dina: [to the baby] All right, hey, listen to me. You're out of control, okay? You're a baby, your life is not that hard. You're embarrassing yourself. [baby cries] All right, fine.
Quote from Mateo
News Anchor: The Philippines may be 8,000 miles away, but that isn't stopping this protest against its controversial president. Mateo Liwanag is leading the rally. Mateo, tell us, why do you oppose Duterte?
Mateo: Um, well, "oppose" is, uh, kind of a strong word. Uh, I wouldn't say that we "oppose" him.
Jonah: Right, right. Yeah, we're we're just, uh, spreading awareness, uh, and information without judgment.
Marcus: What?
Mateo: Yes.
News Anchor: So the group you started, the St. Louis Society Against Duterte, is not actually against Duterte?
Mateo: It's a big tent, you know? Some of us are pro, some of us are against. Uh, and some are in the middle.
Jonah: Yeah, it's complicated, you know? There's good people on both... on both sides.
Mateo: Yeah.
Quote from Marcus
Marcus: What are you guys talking about? The guy's a monster.
Jonah: No, that's- I don't know-
Mateo: I never said "monster." I mean, that is your opinion.
Jonah: Yeah, he- he.
Marcus: [into Mateo's microphone] Hey, you better watch out, Duterte. You're a dead man. When you wake up tomorrow, you're gonna be in a world of hurt, 'cause this guy right here, he's a comin' for ya. Mateo Liwanag. And you remember that name-
Jonah: Don't-
Marcus: Mateo Liwanag.
Mateo: That's not my name.
Marcus: Ma-te-o.
Jonah: And cut.
Quote from Amy
Robert: Why don't we go around the room and everyone tell us your name and, uh, what brings you here. Why don't we start with, uh, you?
Amy: Uh, okay. Yeah, hi. [stands up] Uh, I'm Amy Sosa. Um, sorry, am I supposed to be standing? Should I-
Robert: It doesn't matter.
Amy: Well, then I'll just roll with standing, since I'm already up here. [chuckles] Hope the rest of you stand so I don't look like such a weirdo. [silence] Okay, all right. Um, well, so, I have been at Cloud 9 for 16 years. And I have always heard of the management training program, and I finally thought to myself, "Forget that blue vest, you better get that cloud tie, girl." [silence] So I'm very excited. [sits down]
Robert: Um, I think-
Cheyenne: I'm Cheyenne. I work with Amy. Um, she suggested I come to the program, so I just thought, "Why not"? So long as she'd give me a ride. I can't drive right now, 'cause I have bees in my car.
Robert: Um, okay thanks. Ladies, this is the embalming conference. [projector whirring]
Amy: Oh.
Cheyenne: Okay, yeah. I think we're in the wrong room.
Amy: We should- We'll just go.