Man: Cell phones are out. Do you have a landline I can call my family from?
Glenn: Oh, sure, yeah, you can use the phone at customer service.
Man: And can I also use it to call my mistress?
Glenn: Is- Is- Is- Is she nice?
Man: She's okay.
Glenn: Well, that's good.

Sandra: So how have you been?
Jerry: Good. Carol doesn't let me eat sugar.
Sandra: Oh, cool. You look good.
Jerry: Thanks. You look nice too.
Sandra: Thanks. I was thinking about getting bangs, but I didn't.
Jerry: Hmm.

Amy: For me, it was Adam, duh. It was the night before his state wrestling championship, and he begged me because he didn't want to pop a boner during his match.
Garrett: So how'd he do?
Amy: He broke his foot and lost his scholarship.
Jonah: Ouch.
Garrett: At least he didn't get a boner.
Amy: No, he still did, actually. To this day, he still calls that the week of boners that ruined his life.

Dina: All right, who's next? Sandra, you go.
Sandra: Um, what do we do if the person we did it with is here?

Jonah: Jesus, your feet are freezing.
Amy: Come on. How 'bout now?
Jonah: No, I- They're like blocks of ice.
Amy: Come on, that's your job.
Jonah: It's not my job.
Amy: Yes.
Jonah: Then I quit.
Amy: Stop.
Jonah: It's freezing.

Glenn: Oh, so you guys are sharing a bed. That's so husband and wife.
Jonah: Yeah, well, there there weren't many mattresses.
Glenn: Oh, never mind, cool. Cool. It just you know, could you not maybe.... [bangs fist against hand] If you could avoid... [bangs fist against hand] [Jonah copies the gesture]
Amy: Having sex on an air mattress surrounded by our coworkers? We will try to contain ourselves.
Glenn: Oh, okay, great, thank you.
Amy: Good night.
Glenn: Good night.

Jerry: [o.s.] Is this good?
Carol: [o.s.] No, Jerry.
Jerry: Sorry.
Carol: Don't apologize. Just be better.
Dina: [over bullhorn] Sandra, where are you going?
Sandra: I'm gonna sleep in the break room.
Dina: Nobody moves after light's out. It's for Cheyenne's security.
Sandra: Oh, okay.
Carol: Don't move your arms so much. Just lie there.

Mateo: Hey.
Cheyenne: [groans]
Mateo: Cheyenne, wake up.
Cheyenne: [groans]
Mateo: Rise and Cheyenne.
Cheyenne: [groans]
Mateo: Girl, wake up.
Cheyenne: [groans]
Mateo: Jesus, wake up, you ox!
Cheyenne: [groans]

Marcus: [naked] Mornin'. You guys want coffee?
Jonah: Um, no, that's-
Amy: No, I'm- Penis.
Jonah: We're okay.
Amy: Thanks.

Amy: Okay, um, how about what is the most embarrassing way you've ever injured yourself? Go.
Jonah: Uh, about ten years ago, I tried to run a marathon, and I made it almost the entire way, but three feet before the finish line, I passed out from dehydration.
Isaac: Wait, how is that embarrassing? That's just bragging that you finished most of a marathon.