Garrett: Wait, wait, wait. Hold up. So if I'm Platinum Select, does that mean that I get the stuff in the Gryffindor tier?
Amy: No, no, if you want things in the Gryffindor tier, you need to upgrade either to the Platinum Ultra or the Platinum Blue.
Garrett: Okay.

Amy: All right, well, what about, like, mermaids?
Cheyenne: I don't know. My mom really wants Green Day.
Amy: Mermaids are a lot like Green Day. They're half-fish, half-human, they're like rebels. You know, down for whatever. In fact, they used to call Green Day the mermaids of '90s rock.
Cheyenne: Is that true?
Amy: Mm-hmm. It's totally true.

Jonah: This is an adventure. It's like The Goonies.
Amy: I never saw that.
Jonah: The Goonies? How have you never seen The Goonies?
Amy: Well, it's a funny story actually. When the movie came out, I just didn't see it.

Amy: I just wanted to lie in bed, order room service, and watch pay-per-view.
Jonah: We still will. We'll sneak out of here as soon as Jeff moves away from the doors.
Amy: He's been standing there for like, 20 minutes. He's just parked there waiting for someone to talk to him. It's so sad.
Jonah: You'd think someone would let the poor guy in on a conversation.
Amy: Yeah, well, everyone here's a d-bag anyway, so-
Jonah: Not everyone.
Amy: Everyone here is a d-bag. This is a room full of d-bags.
Jonah: Come on.
Amy: He's a d-bag. He's a d-bag. She's a triple d-bag. These are the kind of people who come here every year, they eat 1/2 million dollars' worth of shrimp cocktail, and then they tell us that they can't afford maternity leave.

Glenn: Okay, I have hidden several rule violations somewhere in this section. And, go.
Amy: That trash can is overflowing. That fluorescent light bulb is out. That mannequin's missing an arm. There is a bottle of grape soda that doesn't belong in women's wear and it's leaking. These sweaters aren't really folded. They're just sort of wadded up into balls. And Brett should be wearing a shirt.
Glenn: That was really good. You even found some I didn't notice. Okay, so, this next part is called: "Backwards and on Roller-Skates." 'Cause a great manager should be able to do this job backwards and on roller-skates.
Amy: Glenn, this really isn't necessary. I mean, I know all of this stuff, and what I don't know, I'm sure I'll learn in actual management training.
Glenn: So, you don't want my fake management training, is what you're saying.
Amy: I mean, I wanna say exactly, but I'm trying not to hurt your feelings.
Glenn: Sorry I wasted your time.
Amy: Brett, for future reference, if a manager asks you to take off your clothes, you can say no.

Amy: So in honor of Earth Day, we'll be helping save the environment by switching to recycled toilet paper and selling The Day After Tomorrow on Blu-Ray for half off.
Garrett: That should do it.

Amy: You know, when I first met you, I thought you were the most annoying person I'd ever met, with your "moments of beauty," "seize the day" crap like you'd watched Dead Poets Society too many times.
Jonah: Shows what you know. You can't watch Dead Poets Society too many times.
Amy: I hated how cheesy you were. I hated how "woke" you were. I hated how often you used the word "artisan." But most of all, I hated how you believed that life could be better than it was. And yet here we are. And my life is so much better than it was... because of you. And I... I screwed it all up. I know that. But you waited six years for me, so if I have to wait another-
Jonah: [kisses Amy] I'm sorry, it's just, you were talking so much. I didn't know what to do.
Woman: Excuse me. Hi. Does the "cup" in "menstrual cup" refer to, like, the shape or the volume?

Jonah: Hey, listen. I... I think there might have been a misunderstanding. I'm not an elitist, so...
Amy: Oh, elitist? What is that?
Jonah: Like, a person who thinks their better than... You know what elitist means.
Amy: Oh, yeah. They learnt that to us in public school.

Jonah: Are those the flowers that I picked up off the floor of the garden center?
Amy: Yes.
Jonah: They're beautiful trash flowers.
Amy: Look, I'm sorry, okay? I have been having a long day. Ten years of long days, actually. You know, I stock these glow stars every single year for the back-to-school sale. And then I take them down, and I put up the Halloween inventory, and then Thanksgiving and Christmas and Valentine's Day and Easter and Fourth of July, and then back-to-school again.
Jonah: Hmm. That sounds incredibly not fun. I see why you love it here.
Amy: It's a good job. But tomorrow is gonna be just like today, and I know that because today is just like yesterday. So... sometimes... it's just kind of hard to find those moments of beauty.

Mateo: It's like I forgot how to "espeak." I cannot stop playing the role.
Amy: It's not a role. It's a stereotype. How would you feel if I was handing out Asian food and I was all like, "Oh, eh, me grow up on a rice patty." "Eh, pwease, it most honorable teriyaki chicken." "Uh, so, ching-chong."
[An Asian family stands behind Amy]
Mateo: [normal voice] That would be messed up.