Uncle Leo: They give you some portion here, huh?
Jerry: Uh, yeah. Hey, Uncle Leo, I hope I wasn't, uh, rude to you that day I bumped into you on the street. Uh, I really did have to get to a meeting.
Uncle Leo: Aw, no, no, I understand. I got plenty of friends in show business. I know you're all very busy.
Jerry: So you found that watch in the garbage can, huh?
Uncle Leo: Yeah. In fact it was right after I ran into you.
Jerry: Oh, you know, a friend of mine has a watch just like that. I'd love to replace it for him as a gift.
Uncle Leo: Well, I haven't seen too many like these.
Jerry: Yeah, I know. Maybe, uh, you wanna sell me that one.
Uncle Leo: [sarcastic] Aww, sure. [laughs]
[As Uncle Leo opens the door, Jerry pulls him back in]
Jerry: Hang on a second. I got a little proposition for you.

Doorman: [into phone] There is a George Bonanza to see you.
George: Costanza. Costanza.
Doorman: George Costanza.
George: The guy who pitched him the show with the stories about nothing. [snaps fingers] Jerry Seinfeld. Jerry Seinfeld's friend.
Doorman: Seinfeld friend. [to George] He says, call him Monday.
George: [grabs the phone] Mr. Dalrymple! Mister Dalrymple, I have to talk to you!
Doorman: Excuse me.
George: It's about the show. It... No, it was...
Doorman: Excuse me.
George: It was all a terrible misunderstanding, sir. Just five minutes. Just five minutes of your time. Thank you! Thank you, Mr. Dalrymple.

Kramer: Well, it, uh.. It's a pleasure to meet you.
Dr. Reston: Thank you for coming in.
Kramer: Thank you.
Dr. Reston: Please, sit down.
Kramer: Okay.
[Dr. Reston sits with a crossed leg. As Kramer sits down, the leather chair makes a series of unfortunate noises. As Kramer attempts to mimic Reston's cross-legged stance, the chair continues to make noise.]
Dr. Reston: Could I offer you something to drink. Um, coffee? Anything?
Kramer: Okay uh, yeah. I'll have a, uh, you have a decaf cappuccino?
Dr. Reston: I don't think we have that.
Kramer: Well, that's a little strange.
Dr. Reston: Uh, why does that surprise you?
Kramer: Well, it's, uh, it's a very popular drink
Dr. Reston: This is an office.
Kramer: That's true. But, you know, I can't help but think that uh...

Dr. Reston: So tell me Mr. Kramer...
Kramer: Okay, yes, shoot.
Dr. Reston: Tell me all about uh, you and Elaine.
Kramer: Oh, all righty, uh... [the seat makes a noise again] Well, what we have here, doctor, is an extraordinary
situation.
Dr. Reston: Is it?
Kramer: Oh, you better believe it.

Joe: Do I know you?
Elaine: Uh, I don't think so.
Joe: 'cause you really look familiar.
Elaine: Oh, well maybe you've seen me. My face is on, um, Mount Rushmore.
Joe: Oh yes, of course, that's it. I guess I'm just used to seeing it on a much larger scale.
Elaine: Oh yeah, right. I replaced uh, Teddy Roosevelt.
Joe: Oh really.
Elaine: Umm. Trustbuster. Bust this. [both laugh]

Jerry: I can't believe I'm doing this. I never do stuff like this.
Naomi: Really? I give out my number to just about every customer who comes in here.
Jerry: Oh. [chuckles] Really? You don't seem that desperate.
Naomi: Oh, yeah. Actually, I'm a little disappointed. I kind of had my eye on uncle Leo.
Jerry: Uh huh. Well uh, I'll give you a call, and thanks for the fish. By the way, you know why fish are so thin?
Newman: Why?
Jerry: They eat fish.
[Naomi lets out a curious, obnoxious laugh. As Jerry walks away, he gives her a strange look]

[stand-up:]
Jerry: How come the psychiatrist, every "the hour" is only fifty minutes? What- What do they do with that ten minutes that they have left? Do they just sit there going, "Boy, that guy was crazy. I couldn't believe the things he was saying. What a nut! Who's coming in next? Oh, no, another headcase!

Helen Seinfeld: What ever happened with NBC and the deal?
Jerry: Ah, George turned it down.
Helen Seinfeld: He turned it down?
Jerry: Yeah.
Helen Seinfeld: Why did he do that?
Jerry: Because of Ted Danson.
Helen Seinfeld: What does Ted Danson have to do with it?
Morty Seinfeld: Maybe he doesn't like Ted Danson.
Jerry: Hey, who knows, maybe we'll wind up getting more money.

Morty Seinfeld: You see, he had the right idea. Hold out. That's how you get the big money, huh George?
George: Uh, please, Morty.
Morty Seinfeld: No, no, no. He knows how to talk to these people. No-one's gonna take advantage of Georgie.
George: I'm just happy to be working with your talented son.
Jerry: Aww.
George: Who's not doing this for the money.
Jerry: Come on.
George: You have no idea how refreshing that is.